Just emerging as a human being again!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by hawaii50, Jul 7, 2007.

  1. hawaii50

    hawaii50 Registered User

    It's been about 6 weeks since I posted - that's when mum went into the nursing home - I was so ill and exhausted that it was my health problem that caused her to go into respite care. Anway here I am six weeks later and it has taken that length of time for me to recover my strength.

    Mum settled exceptionally well at the nursing home and for weeks she thought she was on holiday - she has stopped talking about that now and seems to accept this is where she lives now - although she does occassionally mention that it must be about time to leave but quickly forgets if we change the topic of convesation!!

    She had a few health issues the first few weeks like a urinary infection and the swollen leg became a big problem - both now resolved. She is also now on anti-depressants and tranquilisers (not allergic to them!)

    She doesn't always know who I am any longer although occasionally she does which is nice. She still talks away to me in her own language although I don't much know what she is trying to tell me most of the time. Last week she managed to escape - must have left when someone came in - and they saw her from the office window heading down the road - they quickly went to retrieve her!!

    We have taken six weeks of battling with social services to sort out the payment of the respite followed by the free personal care and nursing allowance (Scotland). I wont bore you all with the details but it has been a marathon - and thanks for the info posted a couple of months ago referring to the article on a local council saying that the person had to wait till there was a budget available before they would be paid the allowance - apparantly they took it to an ombudsman and won and the council had to refund the money. Anyway Social work tried the same thing with us and I immediately could tell them they were giving me an "illegal" statement and not to test me on it or it would be going to the ombudsman!! The respite care finished on Friday and the free personal care and nursing allowance Started the same day - I wouldn't have known to push strongly for this had I not read the link on TP. So many thanks.

    I am heading back to Hawaii probably end of August or September and am now in the middle of packing my boxes to ship (I have had stuff up my mum's attic for two years and now need to bite the bullet as we need to sell her home!)

    I feel as if I have my mum back as I can now enjoy the visits and don't have to cope with all the difficult things I had to deal with prior to her being admitted. The fact that she doesn't recognise me much makes it easier for me to return home to Hawaii knowing that she is being taken care of 24/7.
    Thank you all so much for your support at a time I desperately needed it.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Thank you for the update.

    I`m glad you are now in better health, even though it did take a while. It just shows how much caring and the related issues take out of us.

    Please post before you leave, and even when you get home don`t forget that TP will still be here for you.

    Take care xx
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Well Aloha

    I hope things continue to go well for you & your Mum. Whichever way you cut it, it's a hard time to get through but it sounds as if you have done a good job of getting her in the best place possible. She would be proud of you, if she could express it.
  4. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs
    I have followed your posts and wondered how you and your Mum were getting on. I'm so glad that your Mum has settled in the NH and that you can head home to Hawaii knowing she is in good hands. If you need someone to help you carry your cases.. just let me know:D

  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    I think your quote says it all:

    Thank you for sharing your journey, so far. Wish you well for the furure.
    Love n'stuff
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Well done for getting your mum settled so well.

    I hope all goes well with the house sale and the move.

    All the best,
  7. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    Your Mum is in good hands and you are sounding positive, things are good, so enjoy.
    You are a Mum too, I have to keep reminding myself of that and since my Mum has been with us, I embrace life itself.
    Be happy, your Mum would want that.

    Take care
    Janetruth x
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Lovely to hear from you , must feel great to have peace of mind that your mother in care home , well done with social workers :)

    Hope you keep posting when your in Hawaii
  9. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Yeah, good for you: it's a sorry state of affairs when you have to do the research to "prove" what you're entitled to but I'm glad it all worked out.

  10. hawaii50

    hawaii50 Registered User

    Thanks for all your kind messages. You have all been a God-send to me over the past few months. The last three years have been very tough and although mum is in a nursing home I know it's still going to be tough - just a different kind of tough!

    I will still post from time to time from Hawaii - now booked to return on 14 August so not long to go. Just debating whether it is kinder to mum when we go just to leave as if it was a normal visit because she is unlikely to remember it the following day anyway and would only cause upset at the time.

    Today she told me she hadn't seen my brother for weeks! He was there yesterday and visits three times a week! So I guess whether I visit or not she makes her own mind up on the subject! Today she recognised me again and she laughed away at her own jokes for an hour. We didn't know what they were about but she obviously did and that's the main thing. It will be one of the visits I remember fondly after I am gone!

    For all of you who are agonising over placing your loved ones in nursing homes - it's not as bad as you think after the deed is done. I can honestly say my mother now has a better quality of life than what she had at home during the two months prior to her being admitted. I think timing is the main issue. Six months ago I couldn't have said that because she still had a reasonable quality of life at home - but once she didn't recognise her own home and rarely recognised me and needed help with everything - and we were following her around to make sure she was safe - then it was time to be looked after professionally.

    Because it is a safe environment where she is and there is no-one needing to look over her shoulder all the time, I am sure she feels safe and secure and much more independent than she did laterally at home. She also has a variety of people to chatter to who look after her needs. And .... more friends are going to visit her in the nursing home than came near her in her home - probably didn't want to visit at home in case they interrupted something - who knows but they stopped coming round two years ago! I know from reading others posts this is very common.

    Well bless you all. I will remember your kindness
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m pleased for you that you are leaving your mother in safe hands. Have a good journey home and take care.
  12. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Glad to hear you sounding positive and upbeat prior to your journey home. It has been a big slice out of your life but you can return home knowing your Mum is safe, happy and well cared for - such a comfort for peace of mind.

    Travel safely - and keep in touch after you get home to Hawaii.
  13. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    You are so good to keep us up to date, with such a positive attitude.

    I totally agree with your comments:
    Safe journey home.

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