1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Hi my husband Peter just won't get out of bed , he just gets up for a cup of tea and is lunch then he is back in is bed room ,I have tried everything but he is having none of it. My lady from the clinic comes and brings her dog so he will go out with her for a walk but now he just won't get up. Today we was going to my son,s house for lunch ,he would not get up but I managed to get him there, but now we are home he,s back in bed I just feel he is wasting his life, it makes life easy for me but it's such a wast , he is putting so much weight on because he is not doing anything the lawns want cutting and he keeps saying he will do it but he won't ,I want to get a gardener in but he said no, and last time I did something when he said no he went mad at me . I just feel so alone the children just say he can't help it but that is no help to me , I feel so alone in this I know you will tell me to do it all but it's so difficult I would do it but I don't like it when he gets angry it frightens me x thank you just wanted to get it of my chest xxx Christmas
     
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    19,039
    Male
    North Manchester
    Difficult situation.
    What would happen if , for instance, you just started cutting the lawns yourself?
    Be prepared for any response.
     
  3. Acco

    Acco Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    228
    Sorry about the difficulties you are having. Is there a radio, tv, or games console in the bedroom which your husband enjoys? What is it that makes him want to be there all the time, other than when he needs tea or a meal? Sorry I do not know of the health status of your husband, but if he has some form of dementia then it may be the root cause of this situation. Has he lost confidence in his abilities because of a memory problem e.g. has he forgotten how to operate a mower, or where it is? What medication is he on and could this be part of the problem? No real answers for you but hopefully might give you some idea of what to think about as a solution. Alternatively, perhaps a talk with his or your GP about this situation would help. I hope something can be found as a solution for both of you soon.
     
  4. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    He has Alzheimer's I can't mow the lawn because I can't get it going an electric one is no good has the lawn is to big . He is on medication I think he is frightened going out its like he don't know where he is he just keeps looking about when he is out
     
  5. Hi,

    The world becomes a very daunting place for a person with alzheimer'a and they often reduce their 'safe area' and resist anything that means added stress.

    After about 10 years of her alzheimer's, my Mum started to take herself to bed. It was a reaction that was clearly routed in anxiety and some visceral awareness of the effort involved in doing anything else. The effort involved in keeping up with conversations, perceived expectations and constant 'unexpected' moments needing to be negotiated (even for a regular day at home) is phenomenal for a person with Alzheimer's.

    Mum's bed is the only place that she feels safe from the bewildering expectations of getting up and interacting with the world. As she gets into bed she is visibly more relaxed than at any time that she is up, she is calm and much better able to chat and be herself. Being in bed means no more expectations, no need to think.

    Languishing in bed is not a great solution either though, as skills will be quickly lost. I'd recommend ensuring that suggestions of doing anything are very small and safe (from his perspective) and recommend that he can have a lie down straight afterwards. I used to coax Mum downstairs 'just for breakfast'. From there (once downstairs) was easier to negotiate the next step.

    Good luck,

    Daze
     
  6. Sheepteach

    Sheepteach Registered User

    Sep 4, 2011
    161
    Somerset
    With regard to your garden, is your son or other family member able to help out? My husband and I do all my dad's gardening , he has an acre of land mostly lawn and orchard, which we mow about once a fortnight in the growing season. With everything else we just about managed to keep the garden in check, not ideal, but there is no way dad will let anyone else outside of the family do it!
     
  7. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,955
    Neighbours can be very helpful too, both in offering technical advice (like how to operate a petrol mower safely) and in helping with jobs that are difficult to manage. Some are worth their weight in gold:D.
     

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