1. Anne P

    Anne P Registered User

    Oct 14, 2010
    9
    Manchester
    I was looking for some idea of what to expect over the next few years and stumbled across this forum. My mum has just been diagnosed with dementia, she is 64. It has been a struggle to get the diagnosis as she is extremely reluctant to admit there is a problem. I think she is terrified of having this illness and I don't know what to say to comfort her. Things have progressively declined over the last few months and years. It began with general forgetfulness, losing car keys, not remembering conversations etc to now forgetting family birthdays, getting lost in places she has lived all her life and becoming aggressive and paranoid about just about everything.

    My dad is not coping, to be honest he has never really been the "carer" type. At this point I am filled with sadness, mum and I have always been extremely close and I feel that I am losing her - her personality has changed so much. I want to move them closer to me, something which my dad is keen to do - we live 300 miles apart - but mum seems only to feel safe in her own home. I realise there a no answers, but any ideas on what is helpful or words of wisdom would be appreciated.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,216
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi Anne and welcome. I just wanted to say that I know you will get lots of support on TP. I'm really sorry your mum has had this diagnosis. Will she be given medication? I wondered if she had been to a memory clinic. It might be that some of the dementia drugs will suit her and slow down the progress. I know it is all very frightening at the beginning but as they say - one day at a time. I don't know if the move is a good idea or not. I can see why your dad would like to do this as you could be a real support to each other. Maybe you will be able to think more clearly about this once you have had time to try to come to terms with the news. x
     
  3. Anne P

    Anne P Registered User

    Oct 14, 2010
    9
    Manchester
    Thanks Izzy, and you are right. Probably best to wait until we have all digested the news before making any rash decisions. They have not prescribed any medication yet, but she has an appt with her consultant next week and I suppose we will take it from there. I am speaking to mum twice a day, now she is saying that she does not want to go back to the consultant and there is no issue apart from normal ageing. i don't want to upset her as she changes track on most conversations, one minute disagreeing with the diagnosis, to then becoming very upset and admitting that something is wrong. Once we have more info next week probably worth us getting together as a family to make some decisions. Dad seems to be accepting the news, but just such a shock for him. I think he has used the "head in the sand" technique about it all. I understand that there has been a break through in the NICE guidelines concerning medication so I suppose we will wait and see whether what is prescribed can help to improve her quality of life.

    Thanks again,

    Anne
     
  4. MrsP

    MrsP Registered User

    Mar 19, 2005
    115
    Hi Anne - I know how you feel about living so far away - Dad was 260 miles away and 51 years old when he was diagnosed, and my immediate reaction (and the demand of his wife) was that I should move closer to be with him. After a heart rending discussion with my husband we agreed that it was not in the best interest of our own family to move. Dad eventually left his wife and moved away, so it turned out to be a good idea not to move. I am still a long way away but manage to see him once a month - as he is now in the late stages this is as much as I can cope with. To see the personality change is horrible beyond words especially when you are a distance away as the changes can seem dramatic. Take every day as it comes and use this forum to vent a bit. It helped me in the early days.

    Take care, Kate xx
     

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