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Just appalling - re previous post Crying night after night

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by tryingmybest, Jan 2, 2019.

  1. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    I just cannot believe the different advice from 4 GPs I've spoken to this week regarding my Mum. I want to be able to continue to care for her in my home but I need support and something to give her at night to keep her calm or else I just can't continue dealing with this situation on my own, night after night. It's not fair on me, my Mum nor my dogs.

    I believe she is both physically ill at the moment, as well as extremely aggitated and mentally declining and, I believe depressed, repeatedly saying she wants to die. Last night she tried to push me down the stairs and was screaming that she hated me. I am a very strong person yet have been at crisis point this week, yet nobody will help me. As the Lorazapan didn't work at all yesterday which I was given for Mum on Tuesday by a locum with strict instructions to only give her 3 x 1/2 tablets a day, I had yet another terrible night and morning.

    This morning Mum told me she really felt very unwell and she looked shocking but as usual was unable to tell me or point to where there was a problem. I telephoned the surgery today at my wits end and the on-call doctor called me back. I was told Mum should not have been given Lorazapan. I was asked to take her in for blood tests today and she also had her blood pressure checked, weight and temperature. I was then asked to take her through to see the doctor who was oncall who I spoke to earlier. She said she had phoned the memory clinic to see if she could get Mum to see somebody there but they refused as she has never been there before and her diagnosis was reached by a psychiatrist sent from the court 4 years ago so they said there wasn't any need for her to go. I asked if there was a crisis team or some other organisation we could be referred for help but as I thought, there is nothing in our area. I reiterated I needed help as am coping alone which I am happy to do but the nightime antics are just terrible and getting worse and I am getting less and less sleep. She told me not to use the Lorazapan unless it was an emergency as she didn't think that was the correct drug for Mum. I told her every night is an emergency at the moment and that there must be something she can give Mum to help. She decided to relent and give me something for Mum but it wasnt until I got home I realised she had prescribed Mementine. Mum has vascular dementia and I thought that was for Alzheimers?? Confused, I phoned the surgery and spoke to yet another doctor who said I was correct and that it shouldn't have been prescribed so I am now in possession of 2 different drugs within 2 days that apparently she shouldnt have!! He then went on to say that if I can't cope to just put her in a home as that's what most people do, but if I wanted to experiment with the 2 drugs, to give them a go as they can't do any harm!!! I'm just so furious and feel so let down by the medical profession I just don't know what to do now.
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    OH had mixed dementia, vascular and Alzheimer’s, he had memantine for several years with no aparent I’ll effects.
  3. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    I understand it can be used for mixed dementia but Mum does not have Alzheimers, just Vascular Dementia. It all seems very odd!
  4. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    Hi my heart goes out to you..would you not take your mum in to hospitial so she can have a full assessment..as there might be something else underlying.!..and also they can then teet medication in a safe environment!think of youxx
  5. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    UPDATE.....Mum has been up all night. She is totally confused, angry, possibly hallucinating, talking complete gibberish and is insisting on having her walking frame over her head in bed. I gave her a lorazapan before bedtime so its either that making her worse, or the Co-amoxiclav she was given on tuesday for any possible underlying infections. I can't carry on like this and it's not fair on Mum. Why are we being left to cope alone like this? What can I do?
  6. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Ring 999. Neither of you can carry on like this. You both need help.
  7. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    Hi wish I knew What To say..all I can think of is you need to ring for an ambulance to take your Mum to hospital to get the meds sorted out. You can't go on like this . Thinking of you. I hope someone here has some ideas for you .
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Yes, I agree. tell them you are having carer breakdown and cannot carry on, it is too much. Hopefully once your mum is in hospital, you can speak to one of their social workers about this dreadful situation. You must get help and taking mum to hospital is the best way. Tell them otherwise you will have to shut the door and walk away.
    with love, Geraldine aka kindred.
  9. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I agree with this. It is definitely an emergency. I expect your mum will need sometime in hospital to find a medication that suits her but hopefully she’ll be able to return home calmer and happier so you can continue to care for her there.

    Let us know how things go.

    Thinking of you
  10. MTM

    MTM Registered User

    Jun 2, 2018
    Just to say I second the advice to dial 999. Your mum needs help and if the only way to get that help is to have her admitted to hospital and evaluated there, it sounds as if that is the right course of action. The other way is to call social services and say that she is endangering you and herself - you could use the threat to push you down the stairs in this instance. We had to do this to get help for my dad. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best.
  11. doodle1

    doodle1 Registered User

    May 11, 2012
    Two words - try Risperadone . Worked miracles on mum. Diazepam and lorazepam sometimes have the opposite effect intended, it depends on mums body. They may send her hyper rather than calming her down.
    Get onto your mental health team Tom morning and tell them you cannot be responsible for the consequences if she remains like this and be brutal.
    Dementia takes no prisoners ,be as kind to yourself as possible
    Big hugs
  12. doodle1

    doodle1 Registered User

    May 11, 2012
    Ps ring your gp as soon as they open and do not hide the situation .the time for tactful ness is long past. You want a visit now!,
  13. YorkshireLass

    YorkshireLass Registered User

    Feb 15, 2017
    Hi @tryingmybest. I've just read this thread and hope you have managed to find some support. My mum has Alzheimer's and is blind and I cared for her at home until I could no longer cope with being up many times a night and having to be beside her side all day long. The only support I received was from my GP in the form of Lorazapam. The Memory Clinic offered nothing and later on after mum had to move into care the Elderly Care Mental Health Consultant argued that medication was not required just higher staffing levels! Unfortunately one to one care I have found does not exist unless you are a millionaire! Mum is still given Lorazapam during the evening and sometimes it seems to have an effect and other times non. From my limited knowledge gained by Googling Lorazapam only takes effect when the person is calm to start with and it then takes 2 hours to take effect. Not a great deal of use when your loved one is already agitated and I found it didn't change mum getting up 14 times a night. Sending a virtual hug and the thought you aren't alone xxxx
  14. Jintyf

    Jintyf Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    Please please consider the advice to get your mum into a hospital. I was at breaking point on Mondayy just gone and did exactly that. I had no idea until I stopped how much pressure I had been putting myself under to accept the unacceptable. Our mum's are sick not bad and need medical help to assist their transition to the next stage of the disease.
    And we need help too.
    Letting go isn't easy but it's essentially, eh?
    Sending hugs.
  15. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    Please ring 999...your mum needs help..and most so you do..dont do this alone..there is help out there!!..,thinking of you both!xxx
  16. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    I do hope both your mum and you get the help you need.
  17. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    Let us know how you go. Awful situation and one we will all face/have faced. Best wishes xx
  18. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    Yes ..please let us know how you are . I am very concerned for you.
  19. Platinum

    Platinum Registered User

    Nov 7, 2017
    South east
    The position you are in is very familiar to me on every level. Accessing help is a nightmare and services are so patchy. Like all human beings some are helpful and some are not. You know you can’t carry on so take the advice here and call 999. The paramedics are used to dealing with this situation and will take her to hospital. You have carer’s breakdown. In a hospital setting, although not ideal for a PWD, she will get assessment by the hospital social worker and hopefully a proper medication review and the input of a specialist dementia nurse if they have one. The HSW will advise you and they cannot discharge her until a safe discharge plan is in place. There will be several options including carers at home, respite care or permanent placement in an appropriate care home. If your Mum is self paying this will be discussed and a financial assessment carried out. I expect you know all this. I do hope you get the help you need.
  20. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    UPDATE......Mum collapsed and banged her head in the bathroom early yesterday morning and was unconscious for 5 minutes. I called an ambulance. She was not fully with it until they got there 20 minutes later. After travelling to our nearest hospital 3/4 hour away, Mum was refused admittance and the ambulance was turned away due to being an 8 hour wait!! We then had to travel to another hospital a further 3/4 hour away and were seen straight away. Did all the normal checks and Mum was smiling and seemingly ok until she had a CT scan and was separated from me and then went totally ballistic. She then turned totally against me, screaming and telling me she hated me. She was shouting at all the nurses, ripping off her tubes and canula and trying to run down the corridor. It was heartbreaking. I know hospitals are frightening for a pwd but I've never known Mum to be that bad. I kept apologising to the staff and nobody seened able to calm or help her. Eventually after several hours, they found a space off the ward in a side room. She was given her own 1-2-1 nurse. Bless her, she wasnt very old and I felt so sorry for her. Despite the charge nurse and doctor and other nurses trying to get her "wired up" again she kept pulling everything off and refused to take bp meds, as by then her bp was sky high. Eventually the doctor came and spoke to me to tell me they couldn't find anything wrong with her. Bloods ok, no apparent infection, heart ok, nothing showing on ct scan of concern, just high bp. He told me to go home and get some rest and they would keep Mum in overnight and once her bp is ok she will be discharged! I wanted to stay with Mum but with feeling so unwell with a chest infection, I decided to go home. As I left, Mum wouldn't kiss me but continued to scream she hated me, it was all my fault being there and that she never wanted me near her again. I looked back through the door to see her holding hands with the nurse and smiling and kissing her cheek. Hearbreaking is not the word. I'm now waiting to hear how she is this morning.

    Thank you for your responses and my heart goes out to all of you who are going through/have gone through similar. I will try and get to replying to each of you but just wanted to let you know the latest.

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