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Just advice. And 'hi!'

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,928
Well Jo,

It is no wonder you are feeling trapped. 34. I am 53 and I share the care with my husband.

You are going to have to be determined regarding company. Start here. Answer numerous posts every day. Within a week you will have a whole network of people who watch for your posts and your answers.

Next you don't give up. There are lots of people in the real world who need company, firends, a friendly exchange. I would start with someone who has no kids, a couple, or someone very pushed. So you could make them dinner once a week. Cosset them. Again and again.

Good that your Dad drinks tea. So aim to get one liquid meal into him every day. A big mug of full milk custard. A smoothie made of a banana, some frozen raspberries for a zingy flavour, some chunks of pineapple and youghurt as the mixer. Soup, homemade if you can, lots of good veg boiled with a chicken leg, and whizzed up.

In Italy I remember they gave older people a slice of bread soaked in beaten egg and a little milk, popped into a frying pan with a little butter and fried golden brown, and some sugar and cinnamon sprinkled over. Soft, smells heavenly and there are calories and protein. If he likes savory stuff you could grate cheese over instead of sugar topping.

Keep posting Jo. I will be watching out for your posts. Hugs, BE
 

mrjelly

Registered User
Jul 23, 2012
314
West Sussex
Fluid wise, he's not too bad. Loves his cup of tea but gets mad with me when I remind him to drink it.
With my Dad, I find he leaves his tea if it is too hot, so I tend to leave it on the side for 10 or 15 minutes before I give it to him. Then he can drink it all straight away, without putting it down and forgetting about it. I also have some glass teacups that I sometimes use, as it is easy for Dad to see whether there is any more tea still to be drunk.
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
With dad and his tea - the hotter the better. He can't stand warm tea!

He's in bed now. Walking very well tonight too. Time to feed my cats and do a little crochet.

I almost feel relief once he's in bed.

Xx
 

Polly1945

Registered User
Oct 24, 2012
261
Hereford
Hi WooWoo and welcome to this forum

Glad that you have taken the first step in posting, you will find a lot of help on here and won't feel quite so alone.

I used to live in Cornwall - many years ago. Around the Constantine Bay/Padstow area. It's stunning and I often wish I could go back there, but then I have to consider what it would be like as I am getting older (68 now).

I too have cats, three in fact and one or two strays that turn up from time to time.

You sound like you are a loving daughter, your dad is very lucky to have you take care of him. As others have said, keep on at the authorities and your doctor too. You need as much help as possible, day-care or respite care if possible.

My Mum used to go to daycare three days per week and was picked up and brought home again by our local community transport - those marvellous volunteer drivers, where would we be without such kind people.

Keep posting, I'll watch out for your next post.

Love
Pauline
x
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
Hi Pauline

I'm not far from lands end. It's lovely and quiet!

I have 10 cats now. Just rescued two 7 week old babies on top of my 8 fur babies :) I really do love them a lot and they are always open to cuddles.

This forum is amazing. I've struggled for so long and it's fabulous to finally have people to talk to.

Just going to make myself a cuppa and have a cigarette and find something interesting to watch on the goggle box.
Xx
 

stillcaring

Registered User
Sep 4, 2011
215
Hi Woowoo

I'm sure that there are agencies who will send someone to elderly people for companionship. Try asking Age Concern or the Alzheimers Society. It may vary from area to area. And even if your dad didn't really need the company because you are there it would give you someone to talk to, or maybe you could go out briefly while the person is there.

Hi Noorza

Just wanted to commiserate with someone else who has a violent mother. Mine has actually got a lot more benign in the last few years as AD takes it's toll. She can't remember why she's phoning me for long enough to leave the abusive messages any more. She does still hit me if I do things she really doesn't want me to (like cleaning, throwing out mouldy food or watering dying plants - because 'she does all those things and doesn't need me interfering'). It's a hard road isn't it - do people tell you what a lovely person your mum is?

Better go back to clearing up - had the inlaws here for a few days - chaos.
 

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
West Yorkshire
Hi WooWoo

I have the same thing with my Dad, he has vascular dementia and frontal lobe dementia, he has no idea how tired I get and blames my babysitting for my 3 granchildren the cause, which is not true I see them once a week.
He snaps at me contstantly these days, complains about his neighbours, who are lovely by the way.
My husband supports me financially but does not like doing so as my Dad was a difficult person.

I try to keep patient but when dad snaps it is wearing.

You are not alone, what is the saying "Keep calm and carry on."

Turmoil x
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
I keep telling myself that once the council do the assessment it will be easier. It's just the wait and me feeling impatient. After all, it's been nearly three and a half years.

I'm going to settle the animals and have an early night. Which no doubt he will moan about because he won't want to turn his radio off. He'll want me to turn it off in the early hours of the morning when he's finally fallen asleep. He forgets that I need sleep too and can't sleep during the day like he does. I can't remember when I last slept more than about three hours in a night.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. He's promised me faithfully that he will eat tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for your input. It's like the family I've never had! ;) xx
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
Hi Dazmum. Thank you. Just got in bed. Everyone is so lovely on here. Ill check in again tomorrow. Night everyone and thank you for the chat. Xx
 

Polly1945

Registered User
Oct 24, 2012
261
Hereford
Hi Woo Woo

Hope you had a good sleep last night and that your Dad is better today.

Just a thought on the radio - could you possible get a timer for the plug and set it to turn off at a certain time? It's just an idea, as I'm not sure if you could get such a thing.

Love
Pauline
x
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
That's a good idea Pauline. Thank you.

Today hasn't been too bad. He's eaten a few bites out of lots of things so at least he has something in him today. It's not much but it's a start.

He's 93 a week tomorrow and I haven't bought anything. So I'm making a barn owl for him. Ill also have a look on eBay too for anything owl related!
Xx
 

woowoo

Registered User
Jul 20, 2013
51
Just an update - dads still eating! (Yay) but gone back to sleeping/dozing all day. Dr has taken yet more bloods on wednesday so expecting another call from her tomorrow. But at the moment, all is good and a lot better than it was a few days back. Xx