1. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi everyone. My name is Julie and my husband has dementia. I have joined Talking point becuase at times I feel very alone. My husband was diagnosed with mixed dementia three to four years ago and has gradually deteriorated. He was an accountant and very intelligent and I feel so sad to see him like this. Some of the things we cope with is that he mostly has to be supervised and cannot go anywhere on his own. He had to stop driving last year because he popped out and ended up 16 miles away driving on the wrong side of the road totally confused. He has to be helped with dressing and choosing what he puts on and prompted to change his underwear. He has now lost track of time and sometimes goes to bed early and then is up and down all night, he even got out on a few nights and wondered off to look for the cat. He has locked me out on numerous occasions and he sometimes gets very aggressive which is not like him at all he was such a placid man which upsets me but I try not to get upset because my family tell me its not really him and he doesnt remember anything about it afterwards so I do not mention it so he doesnt get upset. I am sure that all of you have gone through all of this and probably more and it would be lovely to hear from you. Thank you.
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    Hi JulieW1, welcome to TP. Sorry to read of your husband's illness and the difficulties it brings. You have come to the right place though for support and help, hopefully you wont feel so alone anymore. Others will be along to welcome you too I'm sure.

    Best wishes
    Sue:)
     
  3. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Hi JulieW1,
    Welcome to TP, you will get lots of help, advice and a listening ear on here. Look forward to getting to know you. x
     
  4. Toddleo

    Toddleo Registered User

    Oct 7, 2015
    412
    Hi there JulieW1. Let's be honest there is not much good stuff to say about dementia and Alzheimers, but there is one very good thing and you've found it!!

    Talking point is a total life-line. Make the most of it, and welcome :)

    Toddleo
     
  5. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Thank you so much for your reply. Hope to hear from you again.
     
  6. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi Jorgieporgie. Thank you so much for replying. Hope to speak to you again soon.
     
  7. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi Sue. Thank you so much for replying. Hope to speak to you again soon.
     
  8. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Welcome.

    Julie. Too T P. & hope you find it as friendly and helpful as I have done.

    Sorry too read about your Husband's illness :( & how it has affected you both. Sadly my Father has similar problems & had too stop driving after a year of his diagnosis.

    I hope YOU have some sort of proper support for yourself So you can have some "Me Time". E g Support from the local Altz Society Group & Carer" s Support Group etc. Also hope you are claiming AA benefit for your. Husband.

    Looking forward too seeing you around**

    Take care. & Wishing you both all the best

    Grove. X
     
  9. irismary

    irismary Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    499
    West Midlands
    Hi Julie. I am in a similar position and know how horrible it is. You have my sympathy but you have found TP and there is always support here if you need to get something off your chest or if you need some advice. Do get some help - my oh goes to a day club once per week and has a sitter for a couple of hours once a week - you need some time for you. Keep in touch
     
  10. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Hi Julie, and a very warm welcome from me to Talking Point. :) I can see you've already had several replies to your post, and that's the great thing on here - people are so friendly and helpful, and I don't know how I could have managed without it.

    Your husband's actions, and changing character, are sadly typical of so many of the posts on here, and I had the same with my husband too. It's as if they have a familiar face but have become someone else.

    We all know that it's the illness that makes our loved ones act differently, but that doesn't stop us from feeling hurt and upset, and we're just human beings, trying to do our best. I certainly found it exhausting trying to permanently bite my tongue, constantly. My husband had a favourite saying "is it Thursday?", which he'd ask over and over again, zillions of times a day.

    To begin with I'd correct him, but it wouldn't make any difference, and 2 seconds later he'd ask again. So one day, though it wasn't Thursday, I thought "what difference does it make?", so when he next asked the question, I said "yes", and he looked so pleased, and said he knew he was right.

    Such a little thing, but it made a helluva lot of difference to my stress levels. ;) Once again, welcome to TP. xxx
     
  11. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi irismary. Thank you so much for replying. Sorry I havent replied sooner but my computer at home has been disconnected cos we were decorating and had to wait until I came to compluter class but all back to normal now. For the last three weeks Barry has been going out with a friend who lost his wife for a few hours on a Tuesday and like you say it is just nice to have a bit of me time. At first I felt guilty leaving him it was like taking your children to school for the first day but he seems to have settled to going. Hope you are ok and I will keep in touch.
     
  12. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi grove. Thank you for replying to me. Sorry I have replied sooner but my computer at home was disconnected because we were decorating but back to normal now. As you suggested I have joined a Carers Support Group and have been going for a free massage once a month which is free for carers and it just helps me relax and gives me a bit of me time. I have also sent off the forms for AA benefit, just waiting to hear if he has got it. Hope you are OK and will be in touch very soon. Take care xx
     
  13. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi Scarlet 123. Thank you for your reply. Sorry I havent replied soon but my computer has been disconnected while we were decorating but back to normal now. I know what you mean about asking what day it is. Barry wakes me up about every hour to ask what time it is and I end up getting up and making a coffee for us both so I am constantly tired but you will know the feeling. When he is a bit argumentive I used to ask him what was wrong but like you it is just easier to try to ignore and then he forgets about it.

    For the past three weeks he has been going out with a friend who lost his wife for a few hours on a Tuesday which gives me a bit of me time. I felt guilty when I first took him it felt like taking my children to school for the first time because he said to me dont leave for long will you, but he has settled done to going now.

    Hope you are ok at the moment. I will be in touch again very soon. Take care xx
     
  14. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Hi JulieW1,
    Hope your enjoying making friends on TP. Knowing that others are going through the same doesn't make it so isolating does it. I look after my Mum who is 86 and lives with me now she has VD/ALZ I am an only child and have her 24/7 like you. It really is a lifeline to be able to talk and get things of your chest on here and the good thing is no one judges you. I have made a lot of friends on here and feel like I have known them for ages. I am sure you will do the same, just posted you back. Take care and speak later. x
     
  15. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    #15 grove, Jun 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016
    Hello

    Julie , Thank you for your reply & so glad you have joined a Carer's Group :) ( in my area we have Carer's Resource ) which is good up too a point > help with form filling etc & Carer only Outings but the Carer Support some times is lacking , I used too go too the monthly Carer's Coffee Club but sadly I changed Jobs so am unable too go


    Your massage sounds fab :) & glad it helps you unwind etc ( can understand that as many years ago I have had a few )


    Good luck with the AA benefit & am sure all will be okay hopefully / fingers crossed for you both My Father has been allowed it but at the moment Mum is just saving it up for him too use at a later date


    Hope you like your *New Look Home* :) & please no worries not replying earlier as I do not all ways look back at threads that I have replied too ! many thanks for your friend ship :) request


    Take care & hope you both have a good day tomorrow


    Best Wishes


    Grove x x
     
  16. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi grove. Thank you for your reply. Hope you have had a good week. We have been good this week. Still busy trying to get house straight. At the weekend we had National Armed Forces Day in Cleethorpes and we went down to watch the Red Arrows and military parade and then met up with our son and who is in the Navy and went for a drink with him and his wife. We had a really good day and Barry enjoyed it.

    Havent heard anything about my AA claim yet but it is only two weeks we will probably save some of it but it will also help towards the gardener and things like that which Barry cannot do anymore.

    Hope you have a good week. Take care. Speak soon xx
     
  17. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    PS Forgot to say thank you for being my friend Luv JulieW1 xx
     
  18. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    Hi jorgieporgie. Lovely to hear from you and yes I am enjoying making friends on TP but havent quite got the hang of it yet that is why I am so long replying. Hope you have had a good week with your Mum. We have had a good week this week. It was Armed Forces day in Cleethorpes this weekend and we went down the seafront to watch the Red Arrows and parade which we both enjoyed very much. Then we met up with my son who is in the Navy and went for a drink with him and his wife. So had a good day. Barry was a bit aggitated on Sunday but I think he was just tired so we just had a lazy day and he was OK.

    Thank you for being my friend will speak later xx
     
  19. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Glad to hear from you Julie. Looks like you have had a good week. Do you live near a beach? We have had a horrid week Mum been very unsettled and agitated but today she has been ok. I just take one day at a time and try to be grateful for the good ones which are far and few. Take care xx
     
  20. JulieW1

    JulieW1 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    19
    hi jorgieporgie sounds that you had a bad week. Like you take each day at a time. I have had a bad week. On Wednesday barry very agitated in the morning but ok in the afternoon. But at night never done this before but chased me upstairs with a carving knife so had to have a few safety things put in the house this week like child safety things on kitchen drawers to keep sharp knives safe and also my son had a key safety case fitted outside to keep a spare key and a spare set of car keys so could get away if I have too. Also had gypsies round area and they talked barry into having roof done and left us with the mess and it took 10 of us to clear the mess up so was very upset about this. All cleared up now. Hope you have a better week with your Mum. Take care and glad to hear from you anytime. Luv Julie xx
     

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