OH diagnosed 2 years ago, coping fairly well but there have been a lot of significant changes (for the worse) in last three months. Judgement and Decision Making (JDM) in dementia sufferers don't get much coverage from my limited reading, but I find it really difficult to handle, as I feel I'm always challenging his plans/decisions. He's a long- suffering man, but I'm sure he thinks his manhood is being challenged too, especially as I have taken over many executive tasks, some of which fall 'naturally' to a man - from putting the bins out to having a new circuit board installed!
Any general comments welcome but a current problem is giving us serious grief, and I'd love ideas on how best to handle it. My husband still drives, loves his car, and is very relieved to still be driving. His record was unblemished until he scraped the car in a car park about a month ago. We have had a range of quotes for the damage, but he is resisting getting it done, and the need to make a decision of some kind is making him v anxious. He is seriously considering not having the work done, and alongside forgetting the detail of the info we have already gathered, is looking for a black and white opinion that the damage either does represent a risk to the car (i.e. Worsening rust) or it doesn't - and if he can get the latter opinion, he won't get it done. I think we're unlikely to find any one in the business who will give us any such opinion. It seems obvious to me that we must get it done, and quick, before winter. But I am very reluctant to make the situation worse for him by arguing (we already argue enough about other decisions, should we move, what sort of kitchen to get, should we look after the grandchildren so much) with him. I have my own car, and couldn't care less if he wants his to have worsening paint work. It's probably the last car he will own, so why shouldn't he ignore the problem if he wants to. Eventually he will probably forget the damage, and it won't make him anxious.
BTW, we can afford the repair, or try an insurance claim (delay won't help) although his default position is that he hates spending money!
Better comms skills than mine are needed to negotiate these subtle relationship issues - anyone out there tried couples counselling when one half has dementia?
Thank you in anticipation, sorry to write at length!
Any general comments welcome but a current problem is giving us serious grief, and I'd love ideas on how best to handle it. My husband still drives, loves his car, and is very relieved to still be driving. His record was unblemished until he scraped the car in a car park about a month ago. We have had a range of quotes for the damage, but he is resisting getting it done, and the need to make a decision of some kind is making him v anxious. He is seriously considering not having the work done, and alongside forgetting the detail of the info we have already gathered, is looking for a black and white opinion that the damage either does represent a risk to the car (i.e. Worsening rust) or it doesn't - and if he can get the latter opinion, he won't get it done. I think we're unlikely to find any one in the business who will give us any such opinion. It seems obvious to me that we must get it done, and quick, before winter. But I am very reluctant to make the situation worse for him by arguing (we already argue enough about other decisions, should we move, what sort of kitchen to get, should we look after the grandchildren so much) with him. I have my own car, and couldn't care less if he wants his to have worsening paint work. It's probably the last car he will own, so why shouldn't he ignore the problem if he wants to. Eventually he will probably forget the damage, and it won't make him anxious.
BTW, we can afford the repair, or try an insurance claim (delay won't help) although his default position is that he hates spending money!
Better comms skills than mine are needed to negotiate these subtle relationship issues - anyone out there tried couples counselling when one half has dementia?
Thank you in anticipation, sorry to write at length!