Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Lonestray, Dec 18, 2007.
So sorry Padraig - thinking of you this evening.
Sending you my sympathy and love. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
May your God go with you.
I am very sorry to hear that Jean has died
My mum died 11 February this year, she had had AZ since
about 1999, it was diagnosed in December 2001
Mum was 84
My best wishes to you
I am also so sorry to read of Jean death .
Sending you my love xx
Thinking of you
I cried when I read your message about Jean. You have always stood out as a beacon in the TP world. There are many other inspirational people on TP, but your journey with Jean was unique in so many ways.
The extent of your love for your wife and the lengths you were prepared to go to in order to keep her safe and well, were just amazing. Such a wonderful example for us all - and always with a joke to carry us through the hard times!
May you both be blessed with peace now - you in the knowledge that nothing can ever hurt "your girl" again, and Jean, safe with her family and her daughter.
Take care now of yourself. You are a very special person who deserves the best, so please take care of yourself and may you find comfort in knowing you have truly given Jean more than anyone believed possible.
I'm so very sorry to hear about the passing of your wife. It must be very hard for you to bear.
My deepest sympathies are with you.
I'd just finished a long post and found I'd been logged out as I pressed submit I have found it very upsetting. Right now I'm not very well so please forgive me. Thanks for all your support and sympathy.
May your God go with you and easy your pain. Padraig
I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Inevitable, though, isn't it? Your life has revolved for the last few years around caring for your lovely Jean, and how well you did that.
Now, that focus is no longer there, and there must be such a huge hole in your life, and in your heart.
I can't say anything that will take the pain away, sadly it is something that has to be borne, and which will go on for a long time. But you wouldn't want it any other way, would you? Your Jean will always be with you.
I hope you are able to talk to your family about your feelings. And please come and talk to us whenever you feel low. You are still part of our family.
May God bless you,
The extra load
Thanks Hazel. Here goes at my second attempt at bringing you all up to date.
On hearing How Jean was, our daughter's husband returned from work in the Czech Republic to support her. At the same time his Mom entered the same hospital suffering with cancer, needing a blood transfssion. She has been given only months to live. Also in the hospital is our son-in-law's Mom, with an infected leg. She's in an isolation ward and there's fear for the leg. As if that's not enough, when I returned from visiting our daughter's MIL on Christmas day, I ended up being ill next day. It's possible I picked up a bug from the hospital, as I endured 9 hours of vomiting, diarrhea and retching even when I had nothing inside me. Only now am I getting over it, having lost over half a stone I feel weak. There were times I felt I was dying. At my age it's harder to take, I thank God I've kept fit. The only person I've seen has been our daughter, made in the image of her Mom. She even stopped over the one night! Sorry, what I've seen in the hospital scares the life out of me. From what I've seen when it comes to treating AD suffers it's no wonder some become agitated. The good thing in Jean's case, I was allowed to take part and have a say in her final hours of treatment. Over the years medical staff have gotten to know me and accept I knew her best of all. Being with a loved one 24/7 365days a year for years on end I learned the illness follows the same path. It's not unlike growing old, it sneaks up on you. You find you are still able to do simple things, but you get slower and before you know it, you can no longer do things you use to. Only with AD it's a bumpy ride, like hide and seek.
In the past few months Jean would go into a deep sleep, her hands go limp, lift her eye lid, there'd be nothing. After a while she'd awake and her grip would be ok. Only it would happen more and more. It happened often in her final hours. There's so very much I could write about, but for now I must mention the funeral was in the 18th. I'll tell you about that another time.
I've just learned our son is too ill to get in touch with me, not sure what the problem is. I'm hoping to be recoved by tomorrow. Until then may I wish you all peace and recovery, to allow you to see and count your blessings.
May your God go with you and help the healing. Padraig
So so sorry to hear of all the extra problems on top of the worst day in your life.
I do understand so well what you are going through,but why oh why does everything pile up,problems galore ?I don't know.
Thinking of you and wishing you well
So sorry to hear of all that is happening in your family.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Very best wishes. Christine
just to say thinking of you at this difficult time as you fight your own ill health, mourn Jean and worry about your family. I hope things will start looking up a little for you all soon. You could do with some positive news.
All the best,
So sorry for your loss but truly think you are an amazing person to have cared so well for her during her life and have beaten all the odds in doing so. It sounds as if your insight into how you have managed to look after Jean so well should be written down or published somewhere. You never know where it might help or widen people's knowledge and understanding of this illness.
The sad thing about this illness is the complete lack of understanding that alot of Doctors, Nurses and Carers have about how to treat people with it. I am so glad you can hold on to the thought that she died where she wanted to be with you and at home. I am sure that is something that all of us would want.
Dear Padraig, apologies for coming late to this thread. I was so sorry to hear about your sad loss. What a wonderful dedication you showed to your wife. I do hope that your additional troubles will resolve themselves soon so that you can grieve undisturbed by extra worry and upset. Do take care of yourself. Kind regards, Deborah
Life after caring
There were so many support organisation around during the first six to seven years of my wife's illness. Both they and I could have done with better understanding as to how best help. Like so many others, once my wife had a fall and required hospital treatment her decline was very sharp. For the first time she was wheel chair bound, could not feed herself and was losing her speech. Knowing no different then, I followed the well worn path of placing her in a NH. No support organisations were interested from then on. At no stage was I informed about medication for Alzheimer's. Nor for that matter was I made aware of, or the purpose of so, much medication being given to Jean. So upset was I with the standard of care, that I chose to remove her, stop all medication and promise never to let another person interfere without my permission.
During the past years I found the simple support on matters outside of caring was non-existent. The NHS, showed little intrest. It's more than two years since I've had a check-up, if one can call a blood pressure and urine test a check-up. As for Jean it was early Feb when she last saw a Doctor before she died last month. I'll accept that the local Alzheimer's branch knew little about care in the end stages.
Debby, I was asked by a lady Psychologist more than four and a half years ago to write down everything I'd done to bring about the change in Jean's condition. That article was published in Signpost NHS Wales Cymru. The same Doctor was so disillusioned with the NHS in the area, she left for a post at Liverpool University.
Now I find myself lost and alone without support. For now I'm feeling better health wise, as I'm back running and exercising trying to beat the human time marker of age. I'd caught the bug while visiting our daughter's MIL at the hospital on boxing day.
Some wards are still closed. After what our daughter and I witnessed at the hospital, regarding Jean's treatment was nothing short of appalling. Please God may I never suffer with AD.
I've almost finished sorting out, pensions, funeral expences, her will etc. To stay sane, I still work hard at, not taking it a day at a time, rather I stay in the NOW, the next moment may be good or bad. It worked well while caring for Jean, I have so many slides in my mind of NOWs that warm the heart.
May I wish you all on TP a belated well and pain free New Year.
Hold those moments of NOW they become priceless in time.
I have so many slides in my mind of NOWs that warm the heart.
Hold those moments of NOW they become priceless in time.
It is good to hear are recovered and back to your health regime. As Norman said, why do troubles pile up? There is a well known quote about this - must look it up to get the words right.
So pleased to read your lines above too. Those heart warming memories are very special and irreplaceable. May you continue to find comfort in them.
Keep well and please keep in touch.
When sorrows come, they come not single spies
But in battalions.
William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Having only just seen this message, I wanted to pass on my thoughts and best wishes to you. You are a remarkable man.
Your love and devotion shines through every word you write.
I just hope that I am able to cope as you have when it is needed.
Thanks to your example, I will save the NOW's and hang onto them.
With very best wishes,
[QUOTE]Hold those moments of NOW they become priceless in time.[/QUOTE]
Padraig - you are a very very special person.
I shall hold 'your' phrase in my heart and mind for as long as I am caring.
Take care of yourself now. Best wishes Jan