joH's blog

[Ecognome]

Hi Jo!
Just in case you don't know I am John of John4sue! I got told off posting on here by "invisible" children of Sue's they said unless I was asked directly to post by Sue I should not in her name, so I Ecognomed myself!
I been reading you thread and also looked up your about me page! Hope you don't mind a little gnome living in a rabbit hole in France looking at you!
Days come and go some bad some good! I can tell by what you post you are what I call a tryer!
If you read the weekly thread I today have had a visitor who has made light out of a situation and made us laugh for a while!
I am trying to down size and change to one level accommodation mainly so I can cope with Sue better! That's my excuse and I sticking to it!
I have to read things to Sue as she can't see, recently we read "Two Steps Backwards" by Susie Kelly her writing style and humour has changed the way I look and connect with the world! It has also made me look under the words of others!
I noticed in you bio you ran "life writing classes" do you still do that?

I battle with my own problems from time to time, wonder if I am going mad or sometimes think the going is over and that my journey is complete!

Your worst day ever post!
I have an aunt named Mahrie she gave me something when I was an 11 year old child, a hug, it was something I had at that time never experienced, it was an unconditional hug in that no matter what!, it was given to carry me through and forward!
John would like to send you one, for those lesser days, I no longer have bad days,I can't allow that anymore, lesser yes, but not bad!

I hope you can see what I trying to say!
John

 

[jhoward]

Hi John,
Lovely post - so good to read.

No I haven't done Life Writing classes for a bit. The group I was with finished - it was with a local organisation who had a time limit. I know how valuable they are and would carry on somehow if I had the energy and was free of the Alz.
I read quite a bit of research about the process before I started and there's pretty convincing evidence in the US at least that as well as being enjoyable it can have various good effects. What I thought was good myself was helping people to recall value the whole of their lives, rather than just seeing themselves as "past it".

I must look uo "Two steps backwards" - it sound like good value.

 

[jhoward]

bad day today - no need to read this!

Feeling moody and sad today. It feels like a real bereavement, losing my brain-power and bits of memory. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me feel like a fool, a "dotty old lady", and that really gets me down. I feel envious of anyone who still has their thinking power, however tough their lives are in other ways.

I'm sure I've said all this before.

I also feel kind of left out. I've been lazy about keeping in contact with people, don't go out much if at all, have given up driving. Other 80 year-olds I know are living good and interesting lives, going about, travelling, going to societies and art galleries. I guess I'm in some kind of depression as I've said before.

This is a day when I'm not counting my blessings, which are considerable I know. As I'm writing the sun has just started to come out in the garden, as if to reproach me! So maybe I'll totter outside and look at the goldfish!

 

[jhoward]

and thank to the members here who bother to read my moans, and to reply!

 

[chick1962]

Feeling moody and sad today. It feels like a real bereavement, losing my brain-power and bits of memory. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me feel like a fool, a "dotty old lady", and that really gets me down. I feel envious of anyone who still has their thinking power, however tough their lives are in other ways.

I'm sure I've said all this before.

I also feel kind of left out. I've been lazy about keeping in contact with people, don't go out much if at all, have given up driving. Other 80 year-olds I know are living good and interesting lives, going about, travelling, going to societies and art galleries. I guess I'm in some kind of depression as I've said before.

This is a day when I'm not counting my blessings, which are considerable I know. As I'm writing the sun has just started to come out in the garden, as if to reproach me! So maybe I'll totter outside and look at the goldfish!

I do read your blog and I am feeling your sadness today jhoward . There always will be good days and bad days . Sometimes just going with the flow will do . It's raining here in Kent so I am watching our fish in the pond from the conservatory I wondered if you would enjoy joining a club ? It could be a book club, a walking group , or anything of interest to you. Our day centres here have games nights, cooking classes and walking groups, they also have a bus to great shopping centres as a day trip where we usually go all to the pub . It's not a day care centre . Before I had problems with my back I joint their keep fit group and I am only 54 ☺️.


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[jhoward]

I do read your blog and I am feeling your sadness today jhoward .... I wondered if you would enjoy joining a club ? It could be a book club, a walking group , or anything of interest to you. Our day centres here have games nights, cooking classes and walking groups, they also have a bus to great shopping centres as a day trip where we usually go all to the pub .

It's lovely to know that someone's reading the blog, chick1962, even once in a while. Thanks for the suggestion - it would do me good I know. Seeing your suggestion has given me a bit of motivation.

Sophie my daughter has really done some homework about what's available - the way she thinks about it and does the research motivates me (out of shame if nothing else!) She manages to be caring and not bossy which isn't that common.

Transport is a bit of a problem (i walk with a crutch and live in a village with rare transport) but it's do-able - there's plenty of disabled-friendly transport about if one looks.

 

[chick1962]

My husband also walks with a walking stick and I know how difficult it can be but day centres have transport and for a small charge will pick you up. You sound a bit better today and I am really glad Being stuck at home for long periods does not help and a chat amongst new friends might be just what you need


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[jhoward]

another difficult day - woe is me! Friends from way back were supposed to pick me up for lunch and haven't arrived... email isn't working...bank details have gone crazy... all I think more because of my memory and current cluelessness than anyone else's.

Lovely daughter Sophie is coming round this afternoon to organise something (ashamed to say I forget what)

I just don't recognise myself. It reminds me of an old nursery song that starts "There was an old woman as I've heard tell..." who sits down to rest on the way back from market and falls asleep. A mischievous young man cuts her long skirts "up to her knee" and when she wakes up she doesn't recognise herself and neither does her dog.

 

[jhoward]

The day improved a great deal - friends turned up an hour late, really apologetic (got lost in the little roads of the Sussex countryside) and daughter Sophie rescued me from email and bank dramas. She really has such an amazing touch of common sense and kindness, it's awesome.

 

[chick1962]

Good morning Jhoward just popped in to see how things are today? So please friends made it after all


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[jhoward]

Hi there chick1962.

Had an attack of mini-flu, which seems to make the Alz worse. Sweet Sophie came round, took a look at me and decided to stay over. Dave her husband brought her clothes etc and was also v. supportive. I do feel blessed, I must say.

She's just gone home, having sorted out the washing, checked the fridge, and done other useful things. Blessings on them both!

AND it's a sunny day, as well! I'll go out and check the goldfish in the pond and put out some birdseed in a while.

 

[chick1962]

Oh bless you , any viral infection will affect the Alzheimer's a bit . Try and rest as much as you can . Also filled up my bird feeder and the naughty starlings have just chased poor woody, the woodpecker off . It's sunny now but it has rained all night and this morning on top off a little hooly blowing here too. Mind I got my washing hanging on the line so it's a silver lining. Hope you feel better real soon . Big get well hugs xx


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[jhoward]

Hi Chick1962,
I hadn't realised that about the Alz. Thanks for the info.
I seem to be back more or less in my right mind this afternoon, well enough to feel bereaved,or actually cheesed off to be accurate, about my loss of intelligence -
(Yes I know, and I'm trying to let go of such feelings)

I'm still deeply thankful about the kids (fancy calling them kids, they're in their fifties!)

Sophie bought a new washing line and Adam has just put it up, and I've washed the sheets that fell on the ground, so things are moving back to normal I guess.

Some days I can see this as a weird kind of adventure - a new experience at least - other days it totally gets on my nerves. Sorry about the repeated moan: I do count my blessings as well!

 

[chick1962]

Hi Chick1962,
I hadn't realised that about the Alz. Thanks for the info.
I seem to be back more or less in my right mind this afternoon, well enough to feel bereaved,or actually cheesed off to be accurate, about my loss of intelligence -
(Yes I know, and I'm trying to let go of such feelings)

I'm still deeply thankful about the kids (fancy calling them kids, they're in their fifties!)

Sophie bought a new washing line and Adam has just put it up, and I've washed the sheets that fell on the ground, so things are moving back to normal I guess.

Some days I can see this as a weird kind of adventure - a new experience at least - other days it totally gets on my nerves. Sorry about the repeated moan: I do count my blessings as well!

Lovely that family rallies round and help. Aww don't be so hard on yourself , it must be terribly frustrating for you as I know it can be for my husband. Our admiral nurse said once she is sorry my husband is so aware of his Alzheimers . He is but we concentrate on all the lovely things he can do, rather then concentrate on the things he can't. Hoping your evening is a calm and pleasant one xx


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[The Chewtor]

blog comments

Hi J, will not use your name as not sure whether ok to do so.


Just wanted to PM a thanks about your comments to my latest blog (50), but cannot pm you.
Have done some words in response under the blog but it is just to try and say thanks, and you make a difference to my day as well.

Wayne

 

[jhoward]

Thanks, Wayne. (btw It's OK to use my name...)

 

[HGraham]

How are you?

Hi Jo,

I've read through this whole thread and noticed that it has been a bit since you've posted anything about your life. I'd be interested to know how you are doing. Reading through your totally understandable anxieties and grief makes me wish we lived closer so I could just give you a hug.

Did you get your garden sorted for the winter?
Also, maybe this sounds weird, but I'd love to hear a story about your life. You speak often about your blessings, but most of them are other people. What is the most adventurous thing you've ever done? What have you done that you are most proud of (other than your children, since we mothers always tend to name them first when asked this question)?

In fact, I would love for anybody here to share the things they have done in their lives that they think is most interesting. I want to know more about the people who are sharing with me their anguish and fears about dementia. I think it's important that we are all whole people to each other, and not just the disease.

Best regards,

Heather

 

[jhoward]

adventures in life?

Hello Heather,
What a lovely post.
To answer it, I guess I've had a pretty rich and blessed though mixed life. Three lovely kids and now teenaged and grownup grandkids are included in the blessings list, together with interesting work and now a satisfying retirement. On the other side, my lovely youngest daughter died in her thirties of leukaemia. As a young lad I knew when his mother was dying of breast cancer once said - "Stuff happens" (he's turned out to be a be a lovely adult with a great family)
I met my future husband, a forestry student, at Uni. The only job he could get was in Northern Nigeria, so crazy girl that I was, I abandoned my career, got married and and joined him there. It was a huge education although not the one I'd planned or expected!

I guess the most adventurous things I've done include driving a Landrover (as a very inexperienced driver) with my very sick husband down the narrow winding road from where we lived in the mountains to the foothills and the hospital in Juba (in S.Sudan).

As wth any of the more adventurous things I've done, it put me into a very bad temper!