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John Barleycorn - no no

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,640
Kent
Please do post if you can. It`s not only guilt and sadness it`s grief and many of us know how you feel.
 

GuiltandSadness

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
14
Struggling with numbing the pain

Thank you for your kind posts. In my post I was struggling with picking up a drink. I know now, it's not the answer yet it still calls to me.

I have struggled with alcohol addiction most of adult life and have managed to stay mostly sober since diagnosed with acute pancreatitis.

In the moment I posted, then tried to delete I was seriously thinking of John Barleycorn aka a large bottle of whiskey.

Through these forums and the support of others I didn't drown in a bottle.

This is my burden, and have not seen much on medicating through grief on here (still reading)...

If I may impart any words of wisdom for those who turn to a bottle or any other self medication... Don't do it. I may not have stopped.

What kind of effect would my death be on my other loved ones who are suffering too... To die as well?

I thank God for the support I got to stop before it was too late. Drinking or drugging will not spare you from Grief, guilt, depression and the other feelings we all are suffering from.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
Hello John I'm pleased you came back and posted and hope you get some sleep now x


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

GuiltandSadness

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
14
Trying to move on

I went back to work today. Had to move on.

I learned my boss's mom is in the late stages of Alzheimer's , eavesdropping. :/

I didn't have the heart, yet, that it's not the sundowners or aggression or forgetting her husband that ends it.

She is 3 years in the process.

My dear one died 8 yrs in. Strokes, Multiple UTIs. Body shut down.

How do you express the possible roller coaster... That dementia/ alheimerzer's is not the cause of death? Should I commiserate? Share? She is in good health. I hate to see someone else on the coaster. Advice please. Xo
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,640
Kent
No, please don`t tell anyone what`s to come. It might not mirror your experience. Everyone is different.
It`s difficult enough to live from day to day without trying to predict the future.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,819
Merseyside
I went back to work today. Had to move on.

I learned my boss's mom is in the late stages of Alzheimer's , eavesdropping. :/

I didn't have the heart, yet, that it's not the sundowners or aggression or forgetting her husband that ends it.

She is 3 years in the process.

My dear one died 8 yrs in. Strokes, Multiple UTIs. Body shut down.

How do you express the possible roller coaster... That dementia/ alheimerzer's is not the cause of death? Should I commiserate? Share? She is in good health. I hate to see someone else on the coaster. Advice please. Xo
I'd keep quiet but be supportive.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Your thread has brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad you didn't pick up that bottle, well done to you. That takes strength.

I agree with the others not to give too many details away about your own experiences with dementia, as it can be frightening to hear. There's nothing to stop you being supportive though, if you feel that that's something you'd like to do. You don't have to go into detail. Your understanding will help.

Best wishes x
 

GuiltandSadness

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
14
At first I forgot my inquiry regarding my boss and reacted in kind. Revised my response.

My mind is so wasted from lack of sleep and proper diet I misinterpreted the advice, thought it was in regards to my sharing and felt ostracized. Then I read it again, it was not about me- but my bosses mom.

I feel confused now. I dream, when I sleep, that I am next to go out this way. I double check everything (did I flush the toilet?) I have always been a bit OCD but I now fear reality is not something I can trust.

Any one feel like this?

PS: agree on sparing my boss the worst case scenario
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Oh no, I'm so sorry! Was it my post that you misunderstood? I've read it again and I could have made it clearer - please accept my apologies.

I do hope you manage to get some sleep tonight. None of us function well when we are not sleeping properly. Could your GP give you something to help?

Thinking of you x