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Jekryl and Hyde

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
As some of you know now my OH has vascular dementia , I think he has gone on to the next stage now as soon as its starts to get a bit darker his mood changes yes I know its sundowning but he changes to this gentle man to a man I dont regonise any more.
On top of this he has a UTI AGAIN .Dr has prescribed stronger anti biotics this time
Its about its getting to be every other night now and its been going on for about 2 months the same story are we going home now?
We are just starting to go into dark nights and as soon as its starts coming in dark my stomach starts churning.
I have tried love lies but he is getting used to them now on thursday night he went out side and was waiting for me to take him home told him no petrol in car and got a mouthful of abuse, I then lost my temper and said to him go and dont bother coming back which he was quite shocked with eventually came in house. Tonight I hid the keys so he couldnt get out and he just glared at me, sat in stony silence for 3 hrs until he went to bed.
I dont know if I can carry on like this Im not frightened of him but I am wary car keys and mobile always close by.
Surely there must be a drug which could calm him down, I dont want to live like this for the unforseeing future.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,964
Kent
Your title drew me to your post @Angtrog It was one I used to use about my husband.

It`s really difficult to get any help for sundowning. I used to compare it to a light switch, no warning, no trigger.

I asked for medication but it wasn`t forthcoming because the doctor said it would affect my husband`s mobility. Well his mobility was affected by other drugs in time so I suppose sedative drugs might have hastened it.

I`m really sorry I can`t offer you hope. There might be something the doctor could prescribe, perhaps a new drug has been developed since I asked for it.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,310
Yorkshire
hi @Antrog
sounds counterintuitive ... might you try anticipating the dark drawing in and close all curtains and put on all lights so the house is as bright as possible ... there are bulbs that simulate daylight
with dad, I also tried soothing/favourite background music and lavender spray ... I did a lot of walking away to leave him quietly on his own, talking little and in a low voice ... sometimes I just had to let him get through, not interacting at all ... at times a coffee and his favourite chocolate biscuits distracted him

do contact your OH's GP as there may be meds to help, it's worth trying
 

Looseleaf

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
22
hi @Antrog
sounds counterintuitive ... might you try anticipating the dark drawing in and close all curtains and put on all lights so the house is as bright as possible ... there are bulbs that simulate daylight
with dad, I also tried soothing/favourite background music and lavender spray ... I did a lot of walking away to leave him quietly on his own, talking little and in a low voice ... sometimes I just had to let him get through, not interacting at all ... at times a coffee and his favourite chocolate biscuits distracted him

do contact your OH's GP as there may be meds to help, it's worth trying
As some of you know now my OH has vascular dementia , I think he has gone on to the next stage now as soon as its starts to get a bit darker his mood changes yes I know its sundowning but he changes to this gentle man to a man I dont regonise any more.
On top of this he has a UTI AGAIN .Dr has prescribed stronger anti biotics this time
Its about its getting to be every other night now and its been going on for about 2 months the same story are we going home now?
We are just starting to go into dark nights and as soon as its starts coming in dark my stomach starts churning.
I have tried love lies but he is getting used to them now on thursday night he went out side and was waiting for me to take him home told him no petrol in car and got a mouthful of abuse, I then lost my temper and said to him go and dont bother coming back which he was quite shocked with eventually came in house. Tonight I hid the keys so he couldnt get out and he just glared at me, sat in stony silence for 3 hrs until he went to bed.
I dont know if I can carry on like this Im not frightened of him but I am wary car keys and mobile always close by.
Surely there must be a drug which could calm him down, I dont want to live like this for the unforseeing future.
Hi - you have my sympathy and I completely know what you are going through. 10.30pm last night and I was just in bed oh was wandering about demanding to go home. Hitting himself, wandering all over the house and blaming me that I hadn't told him we were staying in a very confused way. It took some settling - saying we will sort it in the morning. Trying to act as calm as possible. Sorry I can't offer a magic solution. Then this morning an invite from friends to join them for a couple of nights in their holiday cottage. This had to be declined - so sad our nights away are over! Best wishes.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Hi - you have my sympathy and I completely know what you are going through. 10.30pm last night and I was just in bed oh was wandering about demanding to go home. Hitting himself, wandering all over the house and blaming me that I hadn't told him we were staying in a very confused way. It took some settling - saying we will sort it in the morning. Trying to act as calm as possible. Sorry I can't offer a magic solution. Then this morning an invite from friends to join them for a couple of nights in their holiday cottage. This had to be declined - so sad our nights away are over! Best wishes.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Hi Looseleaf I thought I had it bad OH just asked me Are we stopping here tonight?when I said yes turned round and said Give me a gun and Ill shoot myself!! I hope I dont have another bad night. We too have a holiday booked in 3 weeks time but I cant see us going now Take care
Thanks for every ones ideas will definately take them on board
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
222
Hi @Angtrog as @Grannie G says, it’s like a lightbulb, and I can never anticipate when my OH will have these moments. Some mornings he asks if there is someone doing breakfast, like it’s a hotel. It surely is one of the more difficult aspects of this disease. At the moment my OH is on diazepam at night, and it’s making him a bit calmer, but I thinks it’s all a guess as to what works best.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Hi @Angtrog as @Grannie G says, it’s like a lightbulb, and I can never anticipate when my OH will have these moments. Some mornings he asks if there is someone doing breakfast, like it’s a hotel. It surely is one of the more difficult aspects of this disease. At the moment my OH is on diazepam at night, and it’s making him a bit calmer, but I thinks it’s all a guess as to what works best.
This has been going on too long now he has a water infection OH has just gone to bed and I noticed he is wheezy again . These infections are like a game of squash doctors are trying to work out the obvious at the moment I just wish it was sorted
 

Jacques

Registered User
Apr 4, 2020
11
As some of you know now my OH has vascular dementia , I think he has gone on to the next stage now as soon as its starts to get a bit darker his mood changes yes I know its sundowning but he changes to this gentle man to a man I dont regonise any more.
On top of this he has a UTI AGAIN .Dr has prescribed stronger anti biotics this time
Its about its getting to be every other night now and its been going on for about 2 months the same story are we going home now?
We are just starting to go into dark nights and as soon as its starts coming in dark my stomach starts churning.
I have tried love lies but he is getting used to them now on thursday night he went out side and was waiting for me to take him home told him no petrol in car and got a mouthful of abuse, I then lost my temper and said to him go and dont bother coming back which he was quite shocked with eventually came in house. Tonight I hid the keys so he couldnt get out and he just glared at me, sat in stony silence for 3 hrs until he went to bed.
I dont know if I can carry on like this Im not frightened of him but I am wary car keys and mobile always close by.
Surely there must be a drug which could calm him down, I dont want to live like this for the unforseeing future.
My OH also is convinced that we have another home and was being quite aggressive when I tried to convince him that we didn't have another home. His doctor prescribed trazadone 50mg to be given at about 2.00 o'clock. Whilst this didn't alleviate the confusion it did control the aggression. He also takes a higher dose before going to bed which helps him to sleep most nights. Hope this helps.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,964
Kent
My OH also is convinced that we have another home
My husband used to be convinced he had another home and another wife and I wasn`t part of it. There was no amount of persuasion which could convince him otherwise and he would leave our home most evenings to return to his other home.

I used to follow at a distance and was lucky to be able to phone our son who would meet his dad and take him to his house which was only a short walk away. He would keep him there until the episode passed.

He was also prescribed Trazadone. It did help but not enough. I suppose anything which would really help would have knocked him out.

It`s a nightmare experience and I don`t know how I managed. My heart is with anyone who is living with this now.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
I am at my wits end now after last weekend and another one around the corner,OH wanted to go home AGAIN last night stood at the door pleading and crying with me, so I decided to take him for a drive around at 10.00 pm last night to calm him down took him back home and he said to me thank you ( its heart breaking) but it calmed him down. Went into the house he then thought I was some one else but he seemed quite calm , mangered to get him into bed but he didnt sleep well . This smorning he asked me where I was last night and was very confused and agitated again and depressed, I am now waiting for a phone call off the doctors, dont know if the infection has completely gone or the dementia is getting worse. He is still seeing people in the garden not all of the time but sometimes which I will mention to the doctor when he rings. Cant go on like this for much longer dont know what to do for the best.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
690
I hope the doctor can suggest something to help @Angtrog . My mother, who is in a care home now, has vascular dementia and can be extremely agitated at times. We have found regular med's reviews have helped along the way.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
dr rang sending some one out to have a look at OH might be a bladder infection again if not they want to do a physical assessment with the mental team what does this mean?
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
690
It sounds as though, if there is no sign of bladder infection, that the doctor will arrange for a thorough check up @Angtrog . They would hopefully be able to find out any possible causes, both physical and mental, for distress and agitation, and come up with ways in which to improve things. Fingers crossed for you.
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
75
Hi just an update on my OH, the drs have now decided after months of UTI that they are putting in an indwelling cathatar as he has been doing self catherasation for the past 5 years they seem to think it is what is causing the UTIs so hopefully we will find out in the weeks to come , another course of antibiotics and fingers crossed we can try and get back to normal if there is suck a thing!!!