I've upset the vicar now!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Kathleen, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello

    I've put my foot in it again.

    Last week my local ran a story that told how our local church has raised over £450,000 in just three weeks, to "modernise" our parish church, I also read in the same issue that our local branch of the AS may have to close due to lack of funds, the figure of £60,000 is needed for it to stay open.

    I wrote to the local paper stating that in my opinion the money raised by the church could be better spent on this and other very worthy causes locally. I think spending that amount on altering a beautiful building just for the sake of change is appalling, helping out our fellow men, women and children is, to me more important.

    As a result the vicar put a letter through my door saying he "sympathised" with my views, but modernising the church building would "encourage more local village people to attend," they would then be"transformed into generous, sensitive, thoughtful people."

    Does that make us occasional church-goers a miserly, uncaring thoughtless bunch? I dread to think how non-believers conduct themselves based on this man's views.

    I have not taken up his offer to phone him and arrange a meeting to discuss my views as I just might end up thumping him one!

    By the way the week ended with Mum being refused Continuing Care Funding, no surprise there, but I will appeal anyway, if only to satisfy myself that I have tried my best for her.

    Hang on a minute, I think I am being transformed already!!

    Kathleen
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    In my area, any new vicar is generally an ex-personnel manager from a commercial company who retires early and needs some funds to supplement their pension. Our Evensong services were cut because they clashed with "Heartbeat", which one vicar liked.

    Sorry to hear the application for funding was refused - good luck with the appeal!
     
  3. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Well good going Kathleen !

    I won't attend a church that has a building program. One one hand I understand it because they need membership to survive but I think church is where the heart is, be it nature or building.

    They spend millions building huge bohemuth aircraft hanger looking churches here......imagine how far that would go toward AD!!

    Understand I am a study in contradiction though. I spent 30 years building stained glass windows and many were for churches !

    Debbie
     
  4. Bets

    Bets Registered User

    Aug 11, 2005
    100
    South-East London, UK
    Hi Brucie,

    Your vicar who cut Evensong because of Heartbeat made me hoot - presumably his stipend didn't run to a video recorder!

    Bets
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya all,
    Feel I have to put a good word in here for the clergy. Our vicar is in mid 40's, has been in social work; determined to get youth work going in our village; supporter of AS. One person I can shout and scream at, cry on, and tell him what a swine God is. Offered (and gave) practical help when an emergency arose with mum over Christmas. Though my church going is spasmodic (would rather take the time to spend with mum), he (and others there) never make me feel that I am not part of the Church.
    Amy
     
  6. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    There are a couple of churches in my town that have a dimentia outreach. One is the Catholic Church that host a "time out" program, basically wednesday day care. They only charge $3 and that is for lunch. I can't get my Mom to go, but I so admire their efforts !

    Debbie
     
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I am considering, with much trepidation, exploring this for my Mum. From what I have read and heard, here and elsewhere, it is not for the fainthearted. Does anyone have any tips for me, other than 'save yourself a lot of hassle and don't bother'?!
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Dare I ask, "Into what?" :eek: An axe-murderer?
     
  9. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hi Lynne

    Well the horns I can cover with a hat, but the tail is becoming a bit of a talking point!

    Kathleen
     
  10. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    96
    staffordshire
    Hi Kathleen, A different slant on your vicar theme. This parish raised £450,000 in 3 weeks!!!!!! for a building fund. Wow! Just think what they could do with a cause more deserving such as the local AD branch. If the new improvements can bring in more people, they could then provide even more money. If you have the time and patience why don't you take the vicar up on his chat, put your case forward and try to get him to tackle raising money for the AD branch as his next task.It's worth a try. Good luck. Zan. (I must be in an optmist mood today)
     
  11. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello Zan

    Took your advice, have spoken to the vicar, he is sympathetic to my views but wants a "modern church that is in keeping with the 21st century."

    I said I thought ripping out 250 year old pews and a lady chapel that is even older to replace them with plastic chairs was destroying our heritage, and taking something steeped in history to replace it for the sake of modernisation seems a very poor reason. I also suggested that if he wants to preside over a modern church, maybe he could ask to be moved to pastures new where the church is built to look like an oversized hall.

    No matter what happens with the building, it is not church policy to donate to specific organisations outside of the church run ones, therefore our local AD branch can expect no help from them at all.

    Oh well, at least I tried!

    Kathleen
     
  12. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Kathleen,
    I admire you for trying ! Now I'm off to take my Mom to church. I'd rather sleep in today, but she's been dressed and ready for me to come take her for three hours!

    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Every time I read* I upset the vicar * I really want to say.......... Ok shall say it GOOD ,Good for you for standing up for what you felt right .

    Connie 3 hours now that is long, how does your mum sit still for 3 hours?

    At mum care home they have a mass so mum was telling me about it , they ask her to say a prayer ,but she said she like to listen .so I told her to say one to me so, she said the lord prayer in Spanish & you no what I have never heard her say it in Spanish before ,I told her that ,then she said the hell Mary in Spanish it sounded really nice ,then she said both prayers in English , it seem to put a smile on her face ,giving her comfort I suppose, she even told me that she had a dream that she was walking normal , first time she has admitted ,that she relishing that something is wrong with her ,as in her walking .
     
  14. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    #14 noelphobic, Mar 12, 2006
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2006
    Margarita, isn't that blasphemy lol?! Is your mum Spanish? :)
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #15 Margarita, Mar 12, 2006
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2006
    Oh dear Hail Mary lol yes mum is Spanish ,became British from marrying my father who was gibraltarian (Gibraltar) & they emigrated to England in 1959 .

    My brother & I was born in Gibraltar


    Mum English was never good ,but could talk it ,now I am finding she is talking Spanish ,all the time even to my children who can not understand it , there always telling her Nanny talk English we can not understand , mum look at me & I have to be the Interpreter , she seem to be losing the English, maybe its to do with the AD ,& going back in time with the memories

    Talking about Blasphemy ,my daughter was reading the book The Da Vinci Code, she as telling me all about Jesus and his wife,Mary Magdalene, the true “Holy Grail”.

    Told her better not tell nanny she say your Blaspheming we are Catholic , Am more a spiritual person then following any religion now.
     
  16. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    96
    staffordshire
    Kathleen, I am sorry that your vicar was not helpful. Personally I think that his idea of a modern Church is probably not the idea that young people of today feel is a modern Church. Having teenagers of my own and having taught younger children I feel that there are a lot of youngsters who want to help those not so lucky as themselves. He has missed a big chance to reach outside the Church building and support those who don't usually come at the top of the 'Charity' list. Well done for trying.


    Margarita, Spanish always sounds such a lovely language, lively but gentle at the same time. I used to work in a care home where we looked after an elderly Polish lady. She was such a happy lady and would talk to us in Polish. We didn't understand what she said, although I did learn to say 'Good day' to her in Polish , but it didn't matter. She smiled when she spoke to us. We smiled when we spoke to her and the actual words became irrelevant. She came to us for respite and I always looked forward to her visits to us. I hope that you are managing to accept your Mum going into care. You obviously love her very much. Love Zan.
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Zan



    Thats it ...............I am not accepting mum being in a care home. As she only there for a while to give me a rest while I look after my brother till he gets housing support

    That maybe the issue, I told her the other day that I want her to stay for good, seem to be going around in a circle in my mind, now its should I bring her back,till she gets to the stage that she incontinent ,last stages .till the stage that she does not know her surrounding .I suppose if I think about it , I wonder if I wait to that stage I would not feel so bad .

    Oh well sorry to keep repeating myself to other who have read past posting on this issue with me ,every day seem like a another different thought
     
  18. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I hope you are getting a rest, Margarita, and hope your brother doesn't need so much care. Any idea how long it'll take for him to get housing support?

    Hope your mother is happy in the home for now, perhaps she will choose to stay, if she can express a preference, once she's used to it. Hope that after a rest you will know for yourself what would feel right for you.

    I know I've been doing a lot of repeating and going round in circles too, though so far my mother's illness is not as serious as yours.

    Lila
     
  19. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Kathleen

    To hell with the 21st century your vicar should be aspiring to a church more suited to the teachings of Christ.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  20. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Thanks Dick and everyone else who replied to my post.

    I live in a village and have spoken to quite a few people over the last few days who agree with me on how such a huge sum of money should be spent, and by telling them about Mum and AD, lack of NHS funding for care, our local branch facing imminent closure, and this site, feel some good has come out of writing to the paper.

    If just one of those people makes a donation or offers some voluntary help, it will have been worth it.

    Kathleen
    x
     

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