I've stolen his bank card!

[JMU]

My father's money paranoia is as bad as ever. This morning I searched his room and his wallet while he was in the shower. I have taken everything I could find that looked official, and also taken his 'new' bank card. He'd been there again telling them he wants money, but of course he doesn't know how to get it and he had hidden his last bank card- I found it in one of his drawers, along with the sheet telling him his pin number. Anyway, I know most of the things I have taken he won't notice are gone, but now he's wandering around the house telling me he's lost the little 'thing' he needs. I've explained to him it's okay, he doesn't need it. I've told him repeatedly he doesn't need money as I buy everything for him. I've even, in a moment of exasperation, told him I've taken it as he is more at risk with it than without. Of course that isn't going to help because in his head I am the one that has stolen his money. Now I have to figure out a way to stop him obsessing over this too. Previously people here have suggested that I have his account frozen while I wait for my LPA to come through, but we're in the middle of sorting things with social services and I think that may just complicate matters. I just hope this stops him doing anything dangerous. I'd love to know if anyone's got any good tips on distracting him from this obsession. I'm not sure how much more of his suspicion I can take.

 

[craftyviola]

You have my utmost sympathy over this matter. There is a very fine line between protection and control where we have to act for our loved ones, especially as there are some nasty scams and fraudsters out there. My Mum, when she lived at home on her own, was regularly contacted by phone inviting her to take out Direct Debits for all sorts of charities, when she hadn't a clue whether she had the money for it. Another time we noticed a cheque had been presented and paid from her account by a fraudster who had managed to get into her flat (which was easy as she would let anyone in) who had removed two cheques from her chequebook in her desk drawer. We removed all of her banking, including her payiing in book, because it had her account details on it.

I think though it is time the banks sorted out some of strategy to deal with concerned relatives of vulnerable adults. The bank told me that, although I had LPA for Mum's finances, they could do nothing to stop her if she tiried to withdraw money at the branch. thoughI eventually got round it by transferring most of her money to her savings account leaving only a small amount in her current account.

Good luck - this is one of the many pitfalls of caring for our loved ones with dmentia.

 

[meme]

might it help to give him some cash for "emergencies" and also to ask what he wants..on top of what you already get for him??..and re assuring him you will get it for him. Very difficult for you but I think you have done the right thing