I've made a decision

[sammyb]

After my step daughter's visit on Sunday, I spent the evening and night wondering what to do in the future when my husband could no longer stay in the hospital he is in. I worked through so many TP threads particularly 'the long goodbye' ones. Distressing as it was reading them all, I came to a decision, although it took until last night to do so. And then the decision became so clear. With my husband having been in 3 hospitals (and 6 wards) throughout the last 5+ months we have spent no time alone together at all - at least not without there being some infection or medical problem to deal with, nurses coming and going and ambulances too. Now his medical problems are gone for the time being hopefully and so too the infections. I realised that when he comes out of hospital this time it would probably be the one time we could have together again before things began to get worse through the AD. It still seems unreal that his diagnosis was just three weeks ago. I was not ready for 'the long goodbye'. I wanted a level playing field to see and understand my husband for who he is now. As you know I had been weighing up the pros and cons of home or nursing home. I have decided on home. The assessment referrals have all been made today and, although it will be several weeks before he does come home, there does seem some chink of light at the end of what has been the longest and darkest of tunnels. The only support box I didn't tick was for computer support for a university place. I didn't think my husband would really need that! Not his thing. The support package I will need will be huge I think - well the one I will ask for will be anyway. I am still looking at nursing homes but as a means of respite so that when the BIG decision has to be made, he will go to a place that already knows him and me and vice versa.

 

[BeckyJan]

What a wonderfully positive post! You seem to be handling things so well - how I admire you.

The only support box I didn't tick was for computer support for a university place

I did not understand the above in quotes! - what sort of computer support - in a university place!!! - was this for you or your hubby?

Keep up these very special upbeat posts - we need them!
Best wishes Jan

 

[Grannie G]

I told you you were admirable in the way you are handling this Sammy, and you didn`t believe me.
Well this time you must.
Love xx

 

[Skye]

Sammy, well done!

You've made a very brave decision, and I do so hope it works out for you.

I hope you get all the support you need, and that you and your husband have a long period of calm to enjoy being together, before the next decision has to be made.

Love,

 

[Margarita]

The support package I will need will be huge I think

yes now that does sound good , push for all the help that they can give , really please for you and that your open , being realistic about respite in the future

 

[sammyb]

Thank you all. It is just three weeks since I first posted and yet I feel I have friends out there in cyber space who truly understand. Sometimes I feel I have become the walking talking encyclopaedia of AD but every bit of information I have learned has been from everybody on TP. And I do thank you so much. Your knowledge and experiences are vast. I am under no illusion as to how hard life is going to be at home and maybe I will not be able to cope. But not to have my husband come home felt as though I would be abandoning him to the ravages of AD, to make his journey alone, if I didn't at least try. And I couldn't do that - I want to and need to share that journey however painful it will be and the journey so far has been appallingly painful.

I don't know what the computer box was about Jan. I think the form must be pretty standard and I suspect their are students with special educational needs who are on their way to university and who will need help word processing their work on a computer.

I was speaking to someone the other day (a medical person) and I was really worried that my husband would be moved into yet another hospital with the new diagnosis. I said any move would bring on another decline in my husband's mental health. The medical person advised me that wouldn't be true, that such beliefs were only anecdotal. I defied him to get on this website and forum and determine whether such things are anecdotal or not. The evidence is there for all to read and with such evidence no scientific study would be necessary!

Thank you to everyone. Doggy walking time again.

Love from sammyb

 

[Taffy]

I am under no illusion as to how hard life is going to be at home and maybe I will not be able to cope. But not to have my husband come home felt as though I would be abandoning him to the ravages of AD, to make his journey alone, if I didn't at least try. And I couldn't do that

Dear Sammy,
Your bound to experience difficult times, not so difficult times and many happy times.
All you can do is try, you can't ask any more than that of yourself. I hope that things are very manageable so you both can share plenty of memorable times. Take Care Taffy.

 

[Nell]

Beautifully said, Taffy! I echo Taffy's post. Wishing you the very best possible outcome.