I've had enough - update

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by cerridwen, Apr 29, 2015.

  1. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    HI all

    Dad is now in a respite care home for four weeks. SS have paid a third of the cost.

    I referred Dad for placement because I'm a breaking point. Dad's previously supportive SW told me to write down how caring for Dad was affecting me and what I do for him. An email then came back from her, very cold and formal saying basically that they won't fund a placement because he isn't bad enough (he has no night time needs) and that it's in his best interests to stay at home. Apparently, according to them, I have to still coordinate his care, recruit a home help which Dad will pay for and carry on caring for him. Despite me telling them I was at breaking point.
    Its in SS best interests to have Dad stay at home because it's cheaper for them. The only reason he can stay at home is because I do things for him. What about my best interests? I have just been signed off work sick for two weeks with stress, respite has come at the right time. I think SS are killing me and no-one will listen. I have been given a Carers Assessment date but I hear that it's just a paper exercise they have to go through to fulfill their obligations under the Care Act. Even my own MP won't get involved because Social Care is in a state of crisis in our county largely down to his party and it's a scandal they are desperately trying to cover up.
    I feel so depressed.:(
    Jane xx
     
  2. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    171
    Yorkshire
    Just want to offer support and sympathy for your difficult situation, you sound exhausted. How uncaring to hear the words 'not bad enough'! clearly a moveable goalpost to suit political circumstances.
    Hopefully someone will come along shortly with useful suggestions and insight.
    We all have to think carefully who to vote for these days. I too live in a 'shire' county with no marginal constituency within a hundred miles. grrr! correction, maybe 60 miles.
     
  3. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,220
    leicester
    #3 nellbelles, Apr 29, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2015
    Hi Jane

    I totally understand where you are at the moment, SS pushed me to breaking point!

    Firstly no one can be made to care for someone, and certainly not if the carer is being made ill by the caring. My GP offered to write to SS and sign me off as too ill to carry on caring.

    Also it is difficult to approach dealing with SS by yourself in a constructive manner when you cannot even think straight have you approached http://carersgloucestershire.org.uk/ for help and advice? I contacted our local carers association for advice and also they supplied an advocate for a best interest meeting with SS

    If you need other support please phone http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365
    Take some time out of the four weeks for you, then get someone help you deal with SS.

    We are always here, and many of us have been where you are now.

    Take care Helen x
     
  4. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    Dad has been in respite care now for seven days. I hadn't realised how exhausted I was until I got a break from caring. The first day after he entered the care home I couldn't get out of bed easily. I had slept heavily and when I got out of bed everything hurt! Even my eyeballs! I felt like I had run into a brick wall.

    Dad is having a CT scan on 15th May to determine the cause of his internal bleeding. He is weak from the anaemia and is having iron tablets.

    Having space from Dad has allowed me to have time with my feelings. I realise that Mum dying in June last year and Dad deteriorating are the two most painful things I have ever experienced. And it's not over. Sometimes I long for a bit of peace. I love my Dad very much but he is not there any more; the clever, kind, lovely man has gone and this frail, remote, disconnected human has taken his place.
    I feel so broken hearted, sometimes it seems too much to bear. But we still carry on, don't we?
    I ache all over and feel so tired. Sorry for being glum, I wished I could find my (not inconsiderable) sense of humour but it has left the building for now. I am on my own this week, my husband has gone to the US on business, back tomorrow, and I was supposed to be going with him but we've cancelled our holiday so I can go with Dad to his consultant and hospital appointments.
    I won't bother fighting with Social Services until we have a diagnosis. If Dad is very poorly he will need extra care and his care plan will change anyway.
    Keep the faith everyone; I'm trying to
    Jane xx
     
  5. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,958
    I think you're very brave and loving Jane, I so wish you were getting more help.
     

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