I've had a phone call

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
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The SW did ring me and she is coming to see me on Friday at 10.30 a.m. I told her I'd had a bad week last week and left it at that:)

Alan looked lost last night and he looks lost this morning. He is not his usual self and my heart goes out to him. I can, and will, focus on him today. I am worried that my bad week last week has caused him to suffer:(

Love to you all
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
Dear Helen

I`m so glad you have the phone call and have an appointment.

Don`t blame yourself for Alan looking lost. Dhiren has looked lost for a few days now and it isn`t because I lost my patience with him. With Dhiren, and probably also with Alan, he looks lost because he is lost.

Love xx
 

sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
3,190
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bradford west yorkshire
Helen fingers crossed for friday, I used to blame myself if Trev was having a bad spell, was it something i had said, or lack of patience on my part,was i not stimulating him enough.but no it was not me just bl---y Alzhiemers. Will Alan still be aware of last week? hope you have a good day and a few smiles toghther.
This morning one of trev old friends rang and asked what time the ladder was being delivered, he had asked to borrow it last week, i had totally forgot to organize it, he was very put out said he had cancelled a day out and would mean him hanging around afraid i lost it with him did not realise i had such a bad temper, not had much sleep and trev soiled is my only defencse, but think i will be crossed off christmas card list oh dear never mind. Love Pam
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
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Pam - I'm not surprised you were snappy with this so called friend: if it was so darn important to him he could 1) have called you to check it was still on, or 2) arranged to pick it up himself, or 3) (my favourite) not expect an overworked carer to deal with something like this and rented it from a hire firm.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Pam, don't blame yourself.:)

This 'friend' must know of Trev's condition, and what you have to cope with. If he can't understand, he's not much of a friend.

Love,
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
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Hiya Pam,

I don't know whether Alan does remember actually but I now realise he was like this last night and this morning because he gets like this sometimes:eek: Even if I had been sweetness and light it wouldn't prevent Alan suffering the effects of this disease:( I have managed to allow the day to remain calm, loving and peaceful and to allow him to do some jobs that would not tax him at all or cause confusion. He was able to mow the lawns and I just helped where necessary like sorting out an extension lead and emptying the mower box.

He had a sitter tonight that he hadn't met before because his regular sitter is on holiday. They went for a really long walk and they both enjoyed it. Now Alan's son has arrived and they've gone for a drive in the car. I have a little space to myself:)

The ladder experience reminded me of what Sylvia said the other day "I am trying to have a normal life"!! Just being able to sort out the ladder is about what one does in a normal life. I, personally, wouldn't expect anyone else (unacquainted with dementias) to understand this because I am only just beginning to understand it myself! Our normal life has gone:(

I was pleased to read that your afternoon has been peaceful.

Love
 

Cl13

Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
775
0
Cumbria uk
Hi Pam, glad your meeting with your SW, and I hope she can help to sort things out for you, dont blame yourself its no one's fault. by4now Lynn
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello Helen:

I hope the meeting goes well on Friday - please let us know how it goes!! :cool::cool:

Pam: How I feel for you - the so called friends just do not understand what we are going through. The Christmas list is not important!!! - you, Trev and TP are :):):):)

Love Jan
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Hello Helen...

Glad the SW has been in touch and fingers crossed you'll be able to sort somethng out on Friday...:)

Hope your meeting thismorning is going well..and that Alan is ok with it all.

Love gigi xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
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Thank you all for your good wishes for Friday. I feel ready for the challenge:)

Today's meeting was very positive but very heated at times because there was the one person who just couldn't get that my sister is a real person who has the right to be assisted to live to the best of her ability rather than Linda assisting them to have it comfortable!! Fortunately the majority had no such problems. I did say very clearly to this person that I was aware that I had very good and substantial grounds for serious complaint about her but was holding off because I had hope that things could now start to be different.

I was quite stressed and upset at having to be such a strong influence in order to bring about these necessary changes because I have enough on as you all know. However, I remained clear, concise, polite and very focussed and in the end they all agreed that they wished every service user had someone like me. I was even given hugs and thanked. I, personally, felt like I was having to do a Manager's job which should not need to happen but it does require it at the moment. Alan was fine for most of the time but he got a bit agitated when he heard or sensed annoyance. To finish off he played the guitar for all of us and so they dispersed quite jolly. I am confident now that a corner has been turned and that my sister will be given the time and attention that she is entitled to. She has a new keyworker who I have the utmost respect for and confidence in. She has known my sister and her wider family for years and she is very capable.

I am now a bit hyped up with it all but it is a lovely day and I can just relax in the garden because I have no other work today:)

Love
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
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I am now a bit hyped up with it all but it is a lovely day and I can just relax in the garden because I have no other work today:)

Love

Well done Helen, it sounds as if you did a blindingly good job this morning. I can quite see why they would say they wished every service user had a 'Helen'. You do their thinking for them. And relaxation is definitely top of the agenda now. Have a lovely afternoon.
Hugs,
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
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70
East Midlands
Nice one..Helen

Sounds like you're back on form....:)

Thank goodness your sister has you to stand her corner..

Good old Alan finsihing the meeting off with a musical recital...I think you must be an interesting couple to meet...:D

Love gigi xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
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think you must be an interesting couple to meet...

You didn't say that at the weekend when I had the screaming adjabs:D I have now got the hammock out and am intending lying on it. Alan is resting on the bed. The sitter comes at 4 p.m. so I don't have much time and I keep popping into TP:eek: Under normal circumstances one could pop round to a friend for a coffee, chat and a laugh and wind down - but we are not in normal circumstances so I pop into TP instead:eek: In many ways, most ways actually, TP is absolutely marvellous but it is also very sad that this is what my life has come to:):( I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate the support. Thanks
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
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Therapeutic effects of Crossroads sitters on Alan

The Editor of New Directions (which is Crossroads' quarterly newsletter) has emailed me to say that she would like to use the stuff for the Autumn issue because the next one is already full:)

Love
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
Dear Helen

You did so well keeping your cool and stating your sister`s case. I hope you are pleased with yourself.

How many were at the meeting? It sounds like it was you against the 5,000. I love the way you made your point to the person you had the problem with. I bet she learnt a difficult lesson today.

I hope you are enjoying lounging in the garden. It`s a bit chilly here, a cloudless blue sky and brilliant sunshine as long as we are inside looking out.

Anyway bask in your glory Helen. It is sad you can`t pop round to a friend to celebrate but at least we are celebrating with you.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
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70
East Midlands
Exciting news about the Newsletter Helen...we'll expect a copy to be posted on TP....:D

In many ways, most ways actually, TP is absolutely marvellous but it is also very sad that this is what my life has come to

And mine too...in fact all of us posting here. I'm continually battling with myself about the "sad" bit...and ask myself "why is it so sad?"
It's an illness and we're coping with it..and need support from others dealing with the same problems..if..as in my case..carers' support groups are out of the question then TP is invaluable..it's my only support group.

Under normal circumstances one could pop round to a friend for a coffee, chat and a laugh and wind down -

I know...I've made it clear that friends must come to me now if they want to see me..and accept how things are. That's when you realise who your true friends are..and that's a positive in my book.

Love gigi xx