Helen that is why I posted my reply, to try to help those who feel they are letting their loved ones down by having them in a home. They feel they could take away this confusion and sadness if they were back in their own home. Sadly this is not the case at all.
Possibly my problem is aggravated by the fact it is a second marriage so his memory now rarely incliudes me even though we have been married over 24 years.
LAst night I went to bed at 12.30.a.m. to find him wide awake in a wet bed, somehow he had turned the pad round so the absorbent side was facing outwards so of course it had leaked everywhere.
I washed him, changed him, changed the bed, and as he was getting back into bed he said I expect your shift has ended already hasn't it. what you are doing now is beyond the call of duty!!!!
So no recognition of me as his wife at all.
The hardest thing for me is that I dare not kiss him goodnight or at anytime as I never know who he thinks I am.
So for those of you visiting loved ones in CHs please do not berate yourselves, You know they are in safehands, and you still care for them and visit , and for some of you , there is also the knowledge that they really know you too
Jeannette
Possibly my problem is aggravated by the fact it is a second marriage so his memory now rarely incliudes me even though we have been married over 24 years.
LAst night I went to bed at 12.30.a.m. to find him wide awake in a wet bed, somehow he had turned the pad round so the absorbent side was facing outwards so of course it had leaked everywhere.
I washed him, changed him, changed the bed, and as he was getting back into bed he said I expect your shift has ended already hasn't it. what you are doing now is beyond the call of duty!!!!
So no recognition of me as his wife at all.
The hardest thing for me is that I dare not kiss him goodnight or at anytime as I never know who he thinks I am.
So for those of you visiting loved ones in CHs please do not berate yourselves, You know they are in safehands, and you still care for them and visit , and for some of you , there is also the knowledge that they really know you too
Jeannette