I've been worried for a while

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Anongirl, Jan 24, 2015.

  1. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    I think my father in law is in the early stages of dementia. I've been noticing things for a while and today my husband admitted he has the same fear.

    He lives alone (just like my mum did).

    I know he won't accept it (just as my mum didn't).

    Such a worry :( I'm not sure I can cope with all that worry again.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,661
    Kent
    Oh dear. I can sympathise. Three years before my mother died, my husband`s behaviour changed. It`s awful. What can we do.
     
  3. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    Is it just me or do more and more people seem to be suffering with dementia? Neither my mum or FIL are particularly old, I used to think sufferers on average were elderly but clearly I was terribly wrong.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,665
    Salford
    Maybe he's just getting older, a bit more forgetful, can't be bothered and leaves the washing up until tomorrow, everyone starts to slow down with age, it's as natural a part of life as anything else. From about 35 (or so) we all start slowly to go downhill be it putting on weight, exercising less, slowing down, calling someone by the wrong name. I dread the prospect that having had my mother initially and now my wife have AZ that the first time I say left when I mean right our kids will see that as my first symptom and want to get me "diagnosed" it's just called getting older and even if it is dementia then if nothing else gets you before then in the end brain fade will, the human body does come with a Best Before End date of 3 score years and 10 after that you're on your own.
    K
     
  5. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    I know how you feel, AG. I worry about my dad sometimes, but then I remember just how much he has on his plate, and know that he hardly sleeps for worrying, stomach churning constantly, his own physical health problems, etc etc and so I assume that his odd slip is caused simply by stress and high anxiety.

    I don't know how I'd cope if he developed dementia too.

    I suppose you'll just have to wait and see what happens. Like Kevin says (unless something very definitive has occurred) it would be a shame to rush him off to the doctor's at the very first signs.

    It must be very worrying for you, though. xx
     
  6. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    It's been a while, I'm noticing more and more issues. Other people are starting to notice things too. Where as it used to be the odd thing it's now quite often. I think it's more worrying because he lives alone. I spent time with him at Christmas and noticed quite a few things that concerned me.

    I knew it would upset my husband so I kept things to myself but I know now that he has his own concerns.

    I've suggested perhaps they need to review his medications just in case anything there is to blame.

    I have to say I am thankful it's not my responsibility this time but a nagging worry is that his driving has been commented on, that perhaps he isn't noticing things he should, and he sometimes drives with my young daughter in the car.

    It's not my intention to take his independence away or rush him off to be diagnosed but when my children are involved I can't sit back. I have a feeling he has been avoiding having his grandchildren in the car because he has made excuses not to for several weeks.
     
  7. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Poor soul, perhaps he is aware and is scared of what is coming. It is such a dilemma, I find myself watching for signs with my Dad, difficult as he is 82 this year so there is an element of its just age, but I will speak to him if I ever get to that stage when I am sure something is amiss. I think he would now listen to me, lets hope it never happens. Hope your fil is ok xx

    Ange
     
  8. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    I am hoping things don't get any worse for him x
     
  9. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    Hi AG

    A VERY difficult situation. Do you think the signs could be attributed to something else? Maybe a physical condition or depression/loneliness?

    Could your OH ask his Dad how he is feeling without mentioning the dreaded 'D' word?

    All the best

    Love

    Lyn T
     
  10. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    I have wondered about depression and loneliness and have put some things down to this.
    He still goes out with friends, etc.

    He's not one to talk about things (very much like his son actually!). I think it would come down to my SIL to speak to him. His driving was brought up with him but it wasn't taken very well. I have a feeling that's why he hasn't taken the grandchildren in the car for a while.

    Tricky.
     
  11. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    Hi AG, sorry to read your concerns re. your FIL. It sounds like he is concerned about his driving, that it has been noticed and he is avoiding taking your children in the car. I just wonder if he might take a man to man chat better especially over driving as it is such a loss of independence and male pride can get in the way (not that women don't experience it;). I would try and nip it in the bud, bring it into the open not discussing dementia but rather talk about aging and how some ways of doing things have to be reconsidered for various reasons. I'd find out about travel options and discuss them in general conversation e.g. did you know about the bus shopping service (if there is one! but you know what I mean) , I would also mention, as you have posted, about the number of people experiencing difficulties.

    All the best as you tread carefully:)xx
     
  12. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    I have said something similar Sue, about nipping it in the bud.

    I've said to my husband that people can live with these problems but he has to accept he's having the problems first. It's clear he needs a little support but getting him to face that will be the tricky part.

    My mum would never face her issues so tried to carry on doing all the things she normally did, which was fine until she started walking in front of cars because she didn't know she was on a road and tripping over steps because she couldn't recognise they were there. Not to mention leaving gas on, etc. I tried to suggest aids for her, notes to remind her of things but she wouldn't have any of it.

    I'm sure life will be harder for FIL if he won't listen to advice.
     

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