It's the smallest things that are sometimes the hardest...

[susanandliam]

It's heartbreaking. Mum had a lovely day with us today we are now having her to visit us every Saturday from the care home and so far it's going well. Today she kept talking and trying so hard but her words get increasingly muddled and I can see the frustration in her face as she can't find the right words and what she's trying to say doesn't always make sense and she asks me to help her.

The carers at the home (who are caring lovely people) always say when they have the entertainer in that mum loves him and like to tell me how she runs after him which they are telling me to show how happy she is and I smile. But inside I'm breaking my mum before she was ill wouldn't have done this and I'm upset that she would be mortified if she knew what she was doing. My mum is slipping away from me and I pray she doesn't have to endure this degrading heartbreakingly cruel disease much longer.

 

[pjapril]

It's heartbreaking. Mum had a lovely day with us today we are now having her to visit us every Saturday from the care home and so far it's going well. Today she kept talking and trying so hard but her words get increasingly muddled and I can see the frustration in her face as she can't find the right words and what she's trying to say doesn't always make sense and she asks me to help her.

The carers at the home (who are caring lovely people) always say when they have the entertainer in that mum loves him and like to tell me how she runs after him which they are telling me to show how happy she is and I smile. But inside I'm breaking my mum before she was ill wouldn't have done this and I'm upset that she would be mortified if she knew what she was doing. My mum is slipping away from me and I pray she doesn't have to endure this degrading heartbreakingly cruel disease much longer.

I had a little cry at this because the exact thing happened to me / mum was running after the activity guy who takes her for a walk (not "hurdles" She keeps thinking!!) and I was supposed to be happy about it - but just like you / mum would NEVER have done this. It is such heart break and so hard for us

 

[ferniegirl]

My mum was never a ‘communal’ person and just looks bemused when any activities are going on in the care home and refuses to join in with anything. She spends her days just wandering the corridor on her zimmerframe, going into people’s rooms with the knitted ‘twiddle muffs’ on each arm: such a sad, pathetic sight. She used to be so proud and rather haughty! This will be the third Xmas she has been in care, we didn’t think she’d last three months. My fear is, it will go on for another three years despite her being 92. No respite for her or us, her family, just watching her deteriorate slowly and spending each day in complete bewilderment Hugs to all x

 

[Oh Knickers]

Hi PJ,

I hear how difficult it is proving for you. You are living abroad and that must emphasise the lack of control over the system and your mum's care and her situation.

However, 3 days is nothing. I admire her inventiveness! It is better to look back after 6 weeks when she has had a chance to acclimatise. Change in any circumstance is difficult. It is far more challenging when comprehension is disappearing - e.g. asking about doing hurdles (Nice one). It sounds as though her brain has reverted to being a young teenager at boarding school. What does sound good is that she has made an 'escape plan' friend.

 

[Maria12]

Hi I just wanted to post as yet again I sit here with leaky eyes!! As a daughter who has had to deal with rapid decline of her mother it's sometimes just overwhelming. I say the smallest things as today my mum sat making pipe cleaner models. That's good some of you may say! She's actively engaging you may tell me. But actually this smallest of things broke my heart. Why you might ask. The reason is simple. All my life there was this wonderfully strong, widely opinionated lady who was always there. Pipe cleaner dolls was just not what she does. Sorry if I sound like I'm moaning about a small thing but to me it just summarised everything that I cannot yet accept about dementia and what happens.

Much love to you xxx I am at the beginning of this journey, and new to this forum, as my dad has Lewy Bodies dementia and had to be admitted to hospital 3 weeks ago due to a terrible reaction to an anti-psychotic drug which had been prescribed to him (although I now realise it is "dangerous" for this type of dementia). As a family we have been plunged into this world, so my heart goes out to all of you because you are on the same journey..... I think I will be using this forum often!

 

[Cat27]

Much love to you xxx I am at the beginning of this journey, and new to this forum, as my dad has Lewy Bodies dementia and had to be admitted to hospital 3 weeks ago due to a terrible reaction to an anti-psychotic drug which had been prescribed to him (although I now realise it is "dangerous" for this type of dementia). As a family we have been plunged into this world, so my heart goes out to all of you because you are on the same journey..... I think I will be using this forum often!

Welcome to TP
You’ll get lots of support here.

 

[SnowWhite]

I've read all the comments on here and it IS very sad but I believe it's better for people to be doing something rather than sitting staring into space. It's really difficult to see the person you love change into a completely different person who is unable to do things that they loved and maybe excelled at.

At my mothers Care home (which thank god we took her away from) all they did was sit around the perimeter of the TV lounge with the TV blaring. If you didn't like TV as my Mum doesn't, then tough. She used to take her knitting in but she couldn't concentrate so would ask to go to her own room and they would tell her she was unsociable.

Some homes do things like making biscuits, planting up bulbs, making Xmas decorations but they are few and far between.