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It's so difficult


Registered User
Feb 18, 2015
I care for my mum. I'm exhausted with no family support locally my sister lives abroad. Mum gets so distressed in hospital I was glad to get her home so I would be just as sad if she were in a care home. She has anxiety attacks as well as dementia. It's difficult to know when they are real breathing problems as she has chronic lung disease as well and now new medication for her heart and warfarin juggling the medication with nutrition is mind blowing and I forget my own important pills. She is demanding and won't take my advice as given by medical/nursing staff. It is going to get worse I know as she is wandering at night not recognising rooms. I have put signs on the doors so will see tonight if this helps. I know I need respite cos I benefitted when she was in hospital. But she begged me to take her home not is it worth it to appease the guilt and feed the love I have for her when I don't recognise this person as my talented fun loving and active mum. I have to everything for her and she expects it. I know she is doing emotional manipulation despite her limited capacity. I try to convince myself as a coping strategy that this is my job now and better than going to work but at least work was not 24/7.

Have been reading threads on here and it helps.


Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
Hi Chicabiddy , welcome to TP
Where do you guys get your names from, I often wonder:)
Care homes are a lot different to hospitals and you never know until you try it, could you book here in for a week say so you could get a break and see if she settles in, it might happen and it sounds like it may be the best thing for both of you. You could use the old she's staying in a hotel while the house get's some urgent repairs ruse.
The staff in care homes are well used to dealing with people like your mum unlike the staff in an NHS general hospital, who, to be frank treat them as a nuisance most of the time (although some are very good).
I take it you've had an assessment done by social services, if not get one, they may help put things in perspective for you.
It does sound a little like you're "not waving but drowning" so keep posting.


Registered User
Jun 14, 2015
Hi. Just a quick hello and to say I recognise many of the things you're feeling especially the guilt and what feels like manipulation. You're not alone and hopefully someone will be able offer some advice Xx


Registered User
Feb 18, 2015
Thanks Kevin good thinking "house needing work" we have in the past gone away so that might work. The user name comes from a song mum sings. X

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