I don't think there is one of us who hasn't done the guilt thing at some stage. My first post on TP was about guilt.
I had to put my Mum and Dad in a care home last summer because I had really got to the end of my tether and knew I hadn't been coping for ages. It was simply time to make sure they were cared for 24/7 by professionals and it was good to be able to visit knowing their every need was cared for.
My Dad died in February in the care home in the best possible way, peacefully, in no pain, and in a place where he was much loved. Part of me wishes he had had longer in such lovely surroundings with such devoted staff and residents.
I don't know your circumstances but in my case there was also a safety aspect, all the time my parents were in their own home it was like an accident waiting to happen, I was worried all the time. No single person can be there 24 hours a day which is what is needed.
My husband is in a CH so you can imagine the guilt I feel after living together in a very happy marriage for nearly 40 years. Up to this illness we had never had a night apart! However, I knew that I could no longer continue to care for him single handed 24/7, 52 weeks a year. It was just too much.
I now visit him every day and we have developed our own routine which fits in with the mealtimes at the home. We have our afternoons together - I either take him out or we go for a walk as he loves to be outdoors whenever possible. Free from the 24/7 responsibility we now have special quality time together, where I am refreshed and can cope with his problems without the stresses which this put our relationship under before.
The home is excellent - warm, friendly and caring. They make me feel that I am an important part of a team effort. He is safe, well cared for and in a routine which suits his dementia and which I could never provide on a daily basis. All of these things have benefitted him.
On balance, although us not being together 24/7 does cause him distress, I think that I have, in the long run, done the very best for him by letting him be where he now is. I still feel very much involved in his life and he in mine.
So, keep your chin up and keep visiting - This will go a long, long way towards easing your mind.
Please don't feel guilty, you have done your best and are continuing to do your best for your Mam, by getting her into a safe environment and one where she is looked after 24/7. You can now give quality time to her on your visits, something I bet you didn't have time for when she was at home, as we get so wrapped up in the sheer drudge and hard work of looking after someone. Take time for yourself too and come back and post, let us know how you are.