• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

It's over, mum is free of dementia, and so am I

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
I had a professional sand and seal my living room floor. Worth every penny. The sander he uses vacuums every speck up as it stands, so there was no mess.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,645
All the equipment has gone, so that is one big job out of the way. Mum's rollator and frame, which we bought, is still in one of the side rooms so I will have to store them up in the garage loft. Not sure what I'll do with them, hopefully I won't need such things for a long time! I feel attached to the rollator as mum used it for many years. Daft, but true. The bath chair/lift is stored in a wardrobe. Mum couldn't use it for ages anyway, but we kept it in the bath and used it as a table to store the wash bowls on. I am keeping that as a friend may take it for her mother (who is in her 80s and clearly developing some cognitive issues).

Moving furniture around is a good idea. I have a large area of hallway that I may turn into a dining area. I will of course need a smart new table and chairs! The current dining room will become a study/book/paperwork storage area and the small bedroom upstairs will be rearranged to become a proper single bedroom.
Well done! We all have our own needs to keep things, but sometimes they hold people back. I have start to take photos of some things instead. I think the secret is to let go at the right time.
I am doing this myself as I reorganise for this stage of our lives.
I think we have to try and remember people from happy times too. I am sure that is how most people would wish to be remembered at their most vibrant.
We seem to go through so many roles and stages in our lives. As the bard said All the world's a stage.........
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
Thank you. Yes, it's all still a bit too recent, and the funeral is still just under two weeks away. Once that has happened hopefully I can start to settle a bit better.
Dear Marnie,

Once the funeral is out of the way you should start to settle and you must remember that you did all you could for your mum. She would have been proud of you.

Love and hugs

MaNaAk
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,628
Hampshire
Mum's funeral took place yesterday. It was a cloudy and grey day, but didn't actually rain on us at the cemetery. I went to see mum a final time in the chapel of rest in the morning. Six weeks after she died, and she still looked OK and not really 92 at all! I'm glad she was embalmed, the visits helped me a lot. They closed the coffin in front of me. I'm not sure why, but I'm glad I saw that too. We took a drive past the house where mum used to live and then back to the church for a very lovely, but emotional service. The priest read the eulogy I had written, no way could I have done that. The hotel did a great spread and it was a good few hours, catching up with people, as you do. I had asked a friend to take some photos at the wake and have some good memories of those who came to pay their respects to mum and support me on the day. The photo board I did of mum's life was a hit, everyone said it was a lovely tribute and they enjoyed looking at it during the wake. There were some beautiful floral tributes and we went back to the cemetery afterwards to see them all on the grave and take some more photos.

I've had a friend staying with me but I dropped her back at Heathrow today, so am on my own again. That's the hardest bit right now, not having mum's presence in the house. Really hard, but I know it will get better in time.

I feel 'easier' now that the funeral is over and mum is laid to rest with dad. No more worries about how things will go. It went extremely well, and it's over, done. It occurred to me this morning that today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I'm not sure how long it will take for the sadness of her loss to subside and for the joy of the realisation that I achieved what I set to do to take over, but hopefully this will come and when it does I be grateful, and very pleased that the dementia chapter is over, book closed.

I don't plan to leave TP for good, but I need to step away a bit now. I just want to say again how much this place has helped me over the past three years and I truly believe it saved my sanity many a time when I was truly desperate with what mum's illness put us through. Thank you all once again and very best wishes to you all.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
Dear Marnie,

I'm glad the funeral went well and I hope you can start to relax. Your mum is now at peace and now you need a break. Maybe you could book a holiday you deserve it.

Love

MaNaAk
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,473
Kent
So glad the funeral went well and time for you to recharge your batteries now with rest and planning some 'me' things.
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
I’m glad the funeral went well and just want to wish you strength for the start of the new chapter. Thank you for all the advice you have imparted whilst sharing the last chapter. Take care.
 

Tassie

Registered User
Jul 13, 2017
18
Durham
I smiled a little when the post arrived today - a sympathy card from the funeral directors! There was no pressure when I was at the FDs about what to choose, but I suspect the costs are fixed. I usually do negotiate or ask for a better deal when I'm buying something big, I have no idea why I didn't over something so expensive. Maybe it didn't seem right at the time! I guess if you consider all the staff involved, premises, etc then it must cost to run such a business, but it is a horrendously expensive cost to the individual, and I wonder what happens when someone doesn't have a few thousand for a funeral. It really is quite shocking that death is so expensive. I'm still intrigued by the £100 quoted for the obituary in the local paper. I must go on line and see if it really does cost that much. Seems a lot.

The cards people have sent me have really helped. Some have written such wonderful words.

A neighbour has invited me round for a dinner party on Saturday night, with some other neighbours. I will go. It's not far to come back if I find it too much, but I think it's probably better that I keep mixing with people rather than staying in too much. Today was a sorting day. I threw out some ancient clothes of mum's that are no good for even the charity shop. I haven't touched the ones in her main wardrobe yet. Too soon, too heartbreaking. I found 50p in one of the coat pockets!!!
 

Timeless

Registered User
Oct 16, 2018
10
Hi Marie
I hope you are doing not so bad and the funeral went well if it has been passed.. Big hugs.
My mum died on Sunday whilst I was with her and finding it tough at the moment and can't seem to cry a full cry if you know what I mean. I have a picture of her on my phone that I took the other day from a photo at the house but might delete it for now as it can't do me any good looking at it all the time. Just find it hard I will not see her smile again and talk to her but know time will heel. Anyway bless you and keep well. X
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,628
Hampshire
Hi Marie
I hope you are doing not so bad and the funeral went well if it has been passed.. Big hugs.
My mum died on Sunday whilst I was with her and finding it tough at the moment and can't seem to cry a full cry if you know what I mean. I have a picture of her on my phone that I took the other day from a photo at the house but might delete it for now as it can't do me any good looking at it all the time. Just find it hard I will not see her smile again and talk to her but know time will heel. Anyway bless you and keep well. X
I'm sorry for your loss Timeless. It's incredibly hard to lose your mum. I'm six weeks on but I know it will get easier in time. Now the funeral has happened (it was on Monday) I feel more at peace somehow, now that mum is laid to rest. I wish you strength though this very difficult time. Very best wishes.
 

Timeless

Registered User
Oct 16, 2018
10
Thank you Marnie.
No funeral date as of yet but now I have to make sure Dad is ok and not left alone for two long at these sad times. For you now having read a lot of your posts you are going not so bad and getting on which is fantadtic. I wish you all the best and your mum would be so proud of you . X
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,628
Hampshire
Two months just passed since mum died. I've been away for a week, walked hills, met lovely people (many of whom had experienced recent tragedies in life too), ate good food, been distracted for a week, but I'm back now, and still really struggling with the loss of mum. I miss her so very much. I struggle with the thought that I will never see or touch her again. It's so hard to accept. My head is so full of the dementia experience and her last few days. I'm frightened of how long those images and memories will take to fade. No death is easy, but why did she have to suffer so much in the last few days? Why didn't life give her an easy and peaceful death? Who can answer these questions?!

I plod on, in the hope that things will get better in time. A friend told me last night that I'm being too hard on myself, but it's so hard to deal with this alone, in an empty house. I will continue to keep myself as occupied and distracted as I can, and hope for things to get better, which I'm sure they will.