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It's life Jim - but not as we know it!

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,538
Kent
Why feel stupid @jenniferjean? When you are so involved, sometimes it`s difficult to identify changes in behaviour.

At least you know now and have posted so others may be able to make the same connection with their own people with dementia.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,271
So although he doesn't show any other signs of suffering from stress (I've always thought he seems laid back about his condition) that maybe his reaction to me being stressed is to get stressed himself.
Some (but not all) people with dementia can get very 'sensitive' to the mood of others and will quickly pick up on any anxiety/stress. I noticed it in Mum - when I'm stressed or unhappy she picks up on it straight away and it makes her anxious but if I greet her with a big smile on my face she does the same thing and is happy and relaxed. She also hates raised voices or shouting. As all carers know, it's easier said than done to remain calm and not get stressed/anxious when caring for someone with dementia but it really does seem to work in relation to my Mum's mood. Don't feel stupid about not making the connection earlier - we're all on a big learning curve and picking things up as we go along. Fingers crossed that it helps with your husband's toilet habits.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
Yesterday we went to a Dementia social gathering in the hope that I would make contact with other carers. I didn't, but there was a talk being given about depression and stress. At one point we were given information about the various reactions to stress, one of which was the need to go to the toilet. I thought about it and suddenly made the connection with my husband's need for the toilet. He does go quite often but I now realise that sometimes if I am getting stressed over something he always does go almost immediately to the toilet. So although he doesn't show any other signs of suffering from stress (I've always thought he seems laid back about his condition) that maybe his reaction to me being stressed is to get stressed himself. I feel stupid now that I hadn't made that connection before.
Good that you've made the connection @jenniferjean but no need to feel stupid for not making the connection before - we could all write a book about the stuff we're learning as we go along!
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
752
Basingstoke, Hampshire
A little light relief this morning.
My husband asked me what was for breakfast and I said cereals. He looked a bit disappointed and said he fancied a bacon sandwich. I told him that bacon was one thing that I'd been unable to get, and once again I explained about the virus and the problems created.
I told him that there was a shortage of some foods and that it wasn't just us. It was happening to everyone and that we were all in the same boat.
His response was - "keep rowing Jim".
(I thought you'd like that @Bunpoots
 

Gerona

New member
Mar 25, 2020
5
Hi jeniferjean, I moved into the front bedroom a couple of years ago to get some me time, and it was great and worked fine for about 18 months, I could watch what I wanted on the telly, read or just relax and listen to music, (ahhh bliss!)or now to come on here, I knew he was awake but at least he was quiet. But then a couple of months ago he started going worse in the evening about 9 o’clock, constant questions and confusion, so my so called sanctuary is becoming less and less because by the time he’s finally settled, I’m knackered and just want to go to sleep! You can’t win!:rolleyes: x
I am just at the beginning of my journey of my husband being diagnosed only 8 months ago.....so far not too bad, though trying to come to terms of the difference, and learning to be patient. Sometimes I feel so guilty....
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,462
Merseyside
I am just at the beginning of my journey of my husband being diagnosed only 8 months ago.....so far not too bad, though trying to come to terms of the difference, and learning to be patient. Sometimes I feel so guilty....
welcome to DTP @Gerona.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
352
i know what you mean but ive always obsessed with books and i can read them usually in the morning while hes still in bed but its playing music that i miss. he doesnt like music and insists the tv being on
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,949
Dorset
i know what you mean but ive always obsessed with books and i can read them usually in the morning while hes still in bed but its playing music that i miss. he doesnt like music and insists the tv being on
Either get him some headphones for watching the TV or yourself some for whatever you use to listen to your music.🎸
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
752
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I've had a call from the memory clinic. It appears the doctor wants a telephone appointment and discussion with my husband. I explained that he is unable to use the telephone and it has been suggested that we have a three-way conversation, booked for next Tuesday.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,949
Dorset
I've had a call from the memory clinic. It appears the doctor wants a telephone appointment and discussion with my husband. I explained that he is unable to use the telephone and it has been suggested that we have a three-way conversation, booked for next Tuesday.
Well good luck with that one!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
I've had a call from the memory clinic. It appears the doctor wants a telephone appointment and discussion with my husband. I explained that he is unable to use the telephone and it has been suggested that we have a three-way conversation, booked for next Tuesday.
I don't even know if we have a memory clinic, wish we did, I must do some research.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
752
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I don't even know if we have a memory clinic, wish we did, I must do some research.
I had to pressure my GP into getting an appointment with the memory clinic. At first the memory clinic came back saying an appointment wasn't necessary and they just prescribed some new medication. I just put more pressure on my GP and refused to give the medication to my husband until someone had seen him. So the GP wrote again and this time we did get to see someone. I feel the benefit of having someone to report to who understands more about Dementia than your average GP. How long it will last until they dismiss him I don't know.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
352
my gp referred my husband and they refused the first time but my gp is absolutely brilliant and referred again and we got there its mainly for my support like alzh. society and the admiral nurses did refer to admiral nurses 4 wks ago but they havent contacted me yet
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
752
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I'm just watching the other residents setting up the tables and chairs in the garden for the celebration VE day fish and chip lunch. I declined for hubby and me to attend.
They are placing the chairs approximately two metres apart but are standing together while they organise it and help each other.
But I do worry now what my husband's reaction will be when he sees them as he is bound to look through the window at some point. He'll want to know why we aren't joining in.
Well two metres apart or not, to me it is a social gathering and I think it's wrong. I hope he understands.