"It's just old age"

[Lila13]

That's what the doctors tell us.

I went to someone's 90th birthday party yesterday, where there were plenty of people my mother's age and older, not behaving as my mother has been behaving recently.

The trouble is, if they don't believe she has dementia, they won't do anything to investigate the cause or alleviate the symptoms.

When I told her I was going to someone's 90th birthday party she of course said she hoped she'd be dead by then. (She is also puzzled that I know anyone she doesn't know, as she keeps wandering back to a time when I wouldn't have been able to go to someone's party without her knowing who they were, who their parents were etc. My goodness, I'm 58 and I actually went to a party without asking my mother's permission!)

 

[Margarita]

Lol I bet your mum secretly wanted to be invited ,I only say this because my mum always wanted to come to every time we had a get leavening party or Christmas party ,at my old job at Marks Spencer’s I only gave in & let mum come to the Christmas parties .

 

[Lila13]

She won't go anywhere nowadays (only close neighbours and doctors and hospitals), and in a crowd of strangers would probably have run out screaming.

Lila

 

[Nicky]

'just old age?'

Our experience 5 years ago was just the same. we managed to get an assessment organised by a mental health doctor but their system wasn't flexible enough for any of the family to be present at the home visit. Obviously a person with a memory problem can't remember what's been going wrong to tell them! How would they know if her answers were right or wrong about how many children she's got etc. Then she missed an appointment because she forgot she had it which they interpreted as her not needing help! She then told us that a funny little man visited and told her she needed to get out more and prescribed Prozac which she would't take. It was several years before a diagnosis was made by a doctor by which time Mother-in-law was thoroughly fed up with doctors, denied any problems and refused any further help, visits, medication etc.etc. The GP advised sister-in-law not to discuss a diagnosis with her so for a couple of years it was jollied along as 'old age' She now lives with me and we regularly talk about why her difficulties occur and she has agredd to now see another doctor and try medication before it is too late! Good luck with it all, and try to work with your mother on getting sensible help!

 

[Lila13]

In spite of "it's just old age", my mother has since had her first visit to the memory clinic, and we were interviewed separately as well as together.

She herself knows she has a memory problem, unlike others in the waiting-room who were in denial. She knows it is not just old age, she has older sisters and acquaintances who are mostly sane, and she herself is sane enough to know the difference.

At the moment she doesn't want to go to the 2nd appointment, I don't know if she'll change her mind.

She has had several funny little men visiting. There was an invisible man called Gordon sitting at the bottom of the bed a few months ago, and she wouldn't put on her blue hat because "that's Gordon's hat". There have since been various social workers etc. phoning and visiting, and I have no idea which of them is real and which imaginary. Anyone could get into her house pretending to be a social worker, nurse, careworker etc.

A real-life nurse did suggest Prozac but I was relieved that my mother rejected that idea.

She doesn't want to live with me, and I don't want to live with her, just hoping we can move close enough together for more frequent visits.

Lila

 

[Lila13]

I have told doctors, nurses, etc. about my mother's imaginary friends, but they didn't seem particularly worried about that. They have seen plenty worse! And I am sure I have worked with colleagues in a worse mental state too, and no-one locked them up.

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Lila

I worked in a rest home a few years ago and one of the residents was 98, a little confused and was having awful problems with a very painful knee.

The GP was called out, he arrived and I took him into her room and introduced her to him, he turned to me and said "she is 98 and senile, what do you expect me to do?"

I replied along the lines of "your job," why should anyone be expected to put up with pain or illness just because they reach a certain age?"

A suitably chastened GP the examined her knee and prescribed the treatment and medication that sorted out the problem for her. She went on to live until a week before her 100th birthday, bless her.

Keep fighting for your Mum, she is still a person who has the same right to good health care as a twenty- year old, I hate ageism, have you noticed.

Kathleen

 

[Amy]

Hiya Lila,
You obviously worry about your mum and whether she is safe or not, maybe it would help to view Residential homes or Nursing homes as just that, a Home, not a place where people are "locked up".
Amy

 

[Norman]

Old boy went to the Doctors with a painful right knee.
The Doctor said "it's old age"
The old boy said"the left knee is the same age as the right,if it is old age why is the left knee ok"?
Norman

 

[Nicky]

A GP friend told Gwen her painful knee was ' just the old Arthur" Who's Arthur was the reply, and we laugh now each day about what Arthur is up to with that knee.