It's happened....

[Grannie G]

I`m so sorry Milly, it must be torture for you and your mum, and also, I suspect for your dad.

I hope the hospital can give him more help, and this time keep him in until they feel he will be more able to cope at home.

I understand when they say they won`t know how he`ll cope at home until they try, but it`s very disturbing for everyone, getting theor hopes up and then dahsed again, so quickly.

Take care,

Love

 

[Skye]

Hi Milly

So sorry things have gone wrong again. It must have been awful thinking he was stabilised, then watching the old problems reappear.

I do hope they manage to get him stabilised again, but you may be right, he may now need more care than you and your mum can give him.

Let us know how it goes.

Love,

 

[MillyP]

UPDATE:

After spending three weeks in the Mental health hospital and Dads medication being increased, he was allowed to come home last Saturday...we had a meeting with his hospital Doctor and she explained to my Mum that Dad would never have "off days" as she thought and that any change in his moods/behaviour should be monitored and the CPN alerted to prevent him having to go into the hospital everytime...anyway, Dad seems ok albeit quiet....Mum has her operation planned for next Wednesday to repair a prolapsed womb and so we have been organising restbite for Dad while she's in hospital and for after, while she recovers....a lovely lady from a care home visited us today to assess Dad and she said it would be no problem....we're going to see the home tomorrow and if we're happy with everything, Dad will go in on Monday and stay for three weeks....it's very local to us, so we can visit regularly. After she left, I found Dad giving me a really evil stare...much like he has done to my Mum before when he wanted to kill her....I'm not worried, this really is for his own good, much as I hate putting him into a care home, he's only going to fret all the time Mum is away and that's not going to help his condition...will let you know what the care home is like...

 

[Grannie G]

Good, Milly, it looks like everything is under control.

I hope the care home gives you confidence that your dad will be well looked after and I would like to wish your mum well for her operation.

Love xx

 

[MillyP]

Thanks hun I will pass on your good wishes to my Mum ....we went to see the care home today and I really can't fault it ...Dad will have a really spacious bedroom with a lovely view of the gardens, his own toilet, wash basin and shower....they allowed us to choose which one he would prefer, which was nice ...the doors are locked at all times and the windows have locks aswell...he will be checked on every half an hour....the residents are nice albeit quite poorly compared to my Dad, who can still manage to go to the toilet and shower unaided. So everything is set for Monday...all we have to do is get him there without any fuss....will let you know how it goes....

 

[sue38]

Hi Milly,

Best wishes for Monday. Please let us know how it goes.

Sue

 

[Grannie G]

Fingers crossed for Monday Milly. It all sounds good and I hope your dad soon feels at home in his room.

You take care too, you`ve been under a lot of stress and don`t want an unexpected reaction.

Love xx

 

[MillyP]

Ho hum...knew things were too good to be true....we spoke to Dad today and explained that Mum had to go into hospital for a while and that his Doctor had found him a lovely hotel to go and stay in until she was better...he said "oh" and left it at that....a couple of hours later and he's wandering round the house looking for keys to the front door and he says he's going nowhere on Monday, he can look after himself at home and doesn't need any help lol...sorry to laugh, but if this wasn't so serious it would be laughable...my Mums stressing out right now and so I've told her to put him back on the sleeping pills tonight to calm him down...the Doctor said it would help and it has but it makes him pee himself when he's so drowsy, so that's why he came off them for a bit...looks like peeing himself is the lesser of the two evils right now lol, at this rate, I'll be booking a room for restbite for myself ....hurry up Monday!

 

[Grannie G]

he says he's going nowhere on Monday, he can look after himself at home and doesn't need any help QUOTE]

Oh Dear Milly, can I identify with that. I can see myself in exactly the same situation if anything cropped up in the future and I needed to go away.

What do we do? Can someone be forcibly removed from his home? When you find the answer Milly, please let me know. I`m not being flippant, it`s a really big worry.

Good luck for Monday, and please update us.

Love xx

 

[MillyP]

UPDATE:

Dad woke on Monday morning all dressed and ready to go to the care home we organised for him...he didn't want to be late, which was a relief as we thought there would be problems getting him there...Mum took him and settled him in.
Mum had operation on Wednesday and everything has gone very well...she came home today...earlier than we thought, but she's just glad to be back and in her own home....now for some rest and recuperation
Anyway, I went to see Dad on Thursday, he didn't ask how Mum was and wasn't interested in anything I said....we were sitting in the lounge of the care home with some of the other people my Dad shares the home with and he said to me in an angry voice, "next time your mother says she's seen a nice place for me to stay, tell her not to bother!"....I asked what was wrong with the place and he shouted, "look at them, they're all nearly dead!"...I said, "Dad, they're ill, like you are"....he said, "I want to be with people nearer my own age" ...I had to laugh, Dad's 79 and these people are definitely of similar age to him. He said he wants to go home and have his granny look after him ...the name he gives me is of his mother, who died years ago...why he thinks she can look after him, heaven knows I explain, she died a long time ago, but he doesn't believe me...he then tells me to go home, which I do. He says he's not eating but when I ask the carers they say he is and that he is behaving himself...it's just us he's angry with and he's behaving like a naughty child will let you know how it goes..

 

[jenniferpa]

My mother was fairly bemused to be on a hospital ward with all these "old" people: "poor old dears" she called them and she was 89 at the time, and was probably the oldest one there. Even before she became ill she would say "it's funny - I don't feel 70 (or 80, or 85)" so I think she's just going on how she feels inside. If asked how old she is she'll say she's in her 60's possibly, and then seems fairly smug when you tell her she's 90 ("That's not a bad age to reach").

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks for the update Milly. It`s so good your mother`s op was successful. She was discharged very quickly though wasn`t she?

Dad sounds disorientated and a bit confused though, but you can only do so much and at least he`s safe and being cared for, whilst your mum gets a chance to recover.

I hope you are bearing up under the strain.

Love xx

 

[Margarita]

Just been reading this thread .

I also had never heard of Capgras Syndrome, but have seen that film that show that photo of the actor playing that role .

I am please to read that your mother operation went fine and she at home now .

He says he's not eating but when I ask the carers they say he is and that he is behaving himself..

and even thought your father coming arcross angry with your mother , his is eating

So is your father in the care home for the duration of your mother recovery ?

 

[MillyP]

and even thought your father coming arcross angry with your mother , his is eating

I really think he's just trying to punish us all...we're doing our best, if only he could understand that...

So is your father in the care home for the duration of your mother recovery ?

Yes he is, although I think Mum is going to need restbite alot more often now that Dad is getting worse...

 

[Amy]

Milly - now mum has put dad into the nursing home whilst she has her operation and recovers, before he comes home I would try and book some dates for respite care - before anyone has time to change their mind!!
Just my opinion.
Love Helen

 

[MillyP]

Milly - now mum has put dad into the nursing home whilst she has her operation and recovers, before he comes home I would try and book some dates for respite care - before anyone has time to change their mind!!
Just my opinion.
Love Helen

Thanks Helen, I totally agree with you...if it was just down to me, I definitely would...my Mum is harder to convince, she's a "wait and see how he is" type of person and always lives to regret it will have a talk to her but alot of the time I make a point of letting her decide...at least if it all goes pear shaped, no one can blame me

She was discharged very quickly though wasn`t she?

To see how the NHS operates...it's another world more like a cattle market then a hospital....we were told that she would stay at least for five nights but they were even thinking of sending her home Thursday afternoon

 

[MillyP]

UPDATE:

Dads coming home tomorrow from the care home he was in for three weeks restbite...he's been telling everyone there that "this is his home now" and he likes it so much he doesn't want to go home ...went to see him yesterday and he had double the amount of mens clothes in his wardrobe and room apparently he's been going from room to room helping himself because he says he hasn't got any clean clothes he hasn't worn most of his own ...I said to him "Dad, you can't take other peoples clothes, they aren't yours"..he replied, "they are now and they're good" ...he got nasty with me when I went and rounded them all up and returned them to the nurse still, it had to be done...found him wearing someone elses Knickers for heavens sake and they were two sizes too big for him ...took home some laundry he'd given me and found vests that didn't belong to him ....well, whoever owned them would be pleased they were clean again ....so we wait until tomorrow to see if Dad "wants" to come home and see how he is...hey ho....

 

[Grannie G]

Fun and games, Milly. My mother was a squirrel, going from room to room, taking what she fancied. The thing is, others did it to her. She must have had 10 handbags to begin with, and ended up with none.
If your dad doesn`t want to leave the home, will there be a place for him?
It sounds as if he`s found his second home.

 

[Margarita]

found him wearing someone elses Knickers for heavens sake

Lets hope that when he gets home he does not take your mother ( sorry only my humor )

Hope social services have sorted out some home help support care / day center for your mother to give her some time out when your father get home ?

 

[Skye]

Milly, is there no possibility of your dad staying longer, since he likes it there? It's very early for your mum to start looking after him again.

Or perhaps your mum doesn't want him to stay there?

Good luck, anyway.

Love,