It's driving me mad!!!

cakie

Registered User
Sep 29, 2008
6
Thank you very much for your reply. I think it is certainly worth trying and I do try to change the subject and make 'small talk ' with him when I visit. My mum finds it very difficult to take, though, because he doesn't remember they are married. (He sometimes thinks he is a prisoner and she is his warder!!.) However, no matter how many times she repeats the truth to him about his family and where he lives, he still keeps asking and does become very distressed. I will gently pass this advice on to her and see if it makes things a little easier for them both.
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
That must be very hard for your mother. Another technique to try is asking why he wants to see them, or asking him to tell you about them. Sometimes the first question brings out more about what's bothering him, and the second option is another form of distraction. I don't know whether it's easier or harder to deal with sort of thing as an adult child as opposed to a spouse: 6 of one, half a dozen of the other I suspect. I do think it's different though.
 

cakie

Registered User
Sep 29, 2008
6
Thanks. I will let you know how we get on. This site is proving very useful...you can't always waffle on to friends about this as,unless they have experienced it themselves, it is hard to understand the situation. At least everyone here is going through, or has been through, similar experiences.
 

scatterbrain

Registered User
Jan 10, 2008
25
Berkshire
Finding new ways to answer the same question is quite a challenge! I find it helps to realise that I am not lying to my Mum, because I do not expect her to remember my answers so there is no way she can believe them. I am not therefore in any way trying to deceive her, just to put her mind at rest. That means that I can tell her whatever I think will help her to cope at that moment. However, there are some things she does remember, so I have to be a bit careful!
The thing that does upset me is when Mum says to me "I'm so stupid: I can't remember anything" - that's when I tell her (again) that it's not her fault, it's the AD.
Whatever we say - it is better than not being there for them at all, so let's give ourselves a break and cut back on the guilt.

God bless!
 

cakie

Registered User
Sep 29, 2008
6
I have put all the advice into practise about answering the never ending questions and it does seem to be working. Although dad does keep asking about long gone relatives, when we say they are at work/ holiday etc he seems to accept this and isn't becoming upset.
Whether or not the rest of the family are going to keep this up is another matter! I have explained the theory behind it to them and hope they will take it on board. But I suppose everyone has their own ideas of how to deal with things and I don't want them to think I'm 'taking over'!!
The latest thing with him is delusions. He told my mum that there were men upstairs and they were going to 'do things' to him. This is obviously quite worrying so mum had to reassure him that there was no one there.
Anyway, thanks for listening and hope things are going OK for everyone else.