It's been a bad day

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Helen33, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Actually Lynne you have summarised it well:

    When I was in a wheelchair for six weeks, early on in Lionel's illness, he could not seem to do / get anything right. Why? because I had put him under stress by asking him to do it, and he just could not cope.

    When I was back to normal and prompting him along he was so much better.
    I am glad you said it - makes so much sense.
     
  2. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Thanks Heartbroken, Lynne and Connie

    I am sorry you've been set off weeping Heartbroken and I know you are having it tough. You are a tower of strength to your loved ones and to me.

    About the glass of water Lynne, it fits to some degree I'm not sure how things quite fit at the moment. Today Alan has been able to follow some instruction. It's just odd. I tend to think of it like faulty wiring. The kind where the lights flicker at times (or in yesterdays case go off) but then they are back to flicker again. With faulty wiring it is inevitable that one day it will fail altogether. Yesterday was the first experience of the lights going off altogether. But today flicker and even periods of no flickering! It's almost like something is being merciful towards me by allowing me to prepare for the next stage rather than having it just thrust upon me, like it felt yesterday. Sorry for rambling.

    Connie, thank you. You are an angel.

    Love
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Now thats what happen to my mother, there are days mum asks me to pull up her knicker , then other days mum does it on her own , other days mum bushes her teeth on her own with no promoting from me, while other days I have to prompt mum

    I also use to get right upset when mum stated to lose her skills. then I got use to being amaze seeing those skills come back out of the blue, also my mother conversation would just despairer, hours days on end mum hardly talk , then the next day mum starts taking, like normal .

    Must be what they call the days of clarity
     
  4. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    #24 Helen33, Aug 11, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2008
    Hello Margarita

    It is puzzling isn't it Margarita. It's really got me thinking today but I suppose if those working closely with it for years don't fully understand it, I don't suppose my poor efforts at thinking will do much good.

    I am wondering whether it's like there's loads of connectors to each ability and when a light goes out, another is switched on until that goes out and eventually they run out of connectors?

    Whatever, I suppose wondering how it happens doesn't stop it happening. Maybe it's just nicer to switch on the intellectual after such an emotional day yesterday - who knows.

    Love
     
  5. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    I am wondering whether it's like there's loads of connectors to each ability and when a light goes out, another is switched on until that goes out and eventually they run out of connectors?

    You might have a point.:)
    Barb X
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I think that's a good analogy, Helen.

    I think we can take it a bit further, too. When a battery is getting a bit furred up, the light will flicker, maybe go out for a bit, then come on for a while again. But eventually the furring will block the connection totally.

    The plaques and tangles are the fur on the battery.

    Not a scientific explanation, just my own view.

    I hope Alan's light stays bright for you for a long time yet, Helen.:)

    Love,
     
  7. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hello Barb and Hazel

    Me too. He's just come in and said quite clearly "you are my life" and he had a lovely smile.

    Goodnight, I'm now off to bed to catch up on some very much needed rest.

    Love
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Helen, what a lovely note to go to bed on. :) Sweet dreams.
     

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  9. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Helen

    Ron said to me tonight, thank you for all you do. I know I cause you hard work, and thank you for the lovely meal tonight:D Then he gave me a BIG HUG.
    It does make my heart want to sing:D:D
    Tomorrow- who know's. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY - yes it was me that said it (just a dig at some unfortunate soul that has not got a sense of humour).
    Barb X
     
  10. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Dear Barb

    From one of my favourite films "Gone with the Wind" - something I'm always quoting:D

    Love
     
  11. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,057
    Toronto, Canada
    Helen,
    I'm late catching up but my heart went out to you as I read your posts. I thought your analogy about connectors was excellent.

    Hope you had a good sleep and that Alan is having a good day today.
     
  12. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hello Joanne

    Thank you so much. Alan is much improved (yesterday and today) and he certainly seems a lot more cheerful. I am learning as I go along and many of you did say he could get better after the virus but that it might take some time. Now I have the experience of what you all meant. I certainly won't give up hope so readily next time.

    Love
     
  13. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    So pleased he is still improveing Helen
    long may it contiune.

    Edna is still bad I will try to post later see how I feel
    Hugs to you and Alan x
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,090
    Kent
    I`m so pleased you and Alan have had a couple of better days Helen.

    We know how infection affects us all, but what is such a shock is how severely it can affect confusion in those with dementia.

    Love xx
     
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Helen,

    Good news that Alan is feeling better and you have had 2 better days. This illness really is a rollercoaster, just when you think things won't improve ... up you go! :);)
     
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good news, Helen. :)

    I'm glad you're both feeling better.

    Love,
     
  17. Luca

    Luca Registered User

    Jul 9, 2008
    49
    Sutton Coldfield.
    Dear Helen So very sorry to hear of Alan's different behavier and so quickly. This illness must be the most taxing on the wife and family and also the most cruel.. I hope that you will have a better day tomorrow and you both have a good nights sleep. My love. Luca.
     
  18. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Its been a bad day

    I really feel for you. My husband is deteriorating rapidly now and I find myself feeling very cross with him and i know he can't help any of it. The worst thing that is new ,is that he gets nasty with me ,even if I say something like 'Do you need the toilet before we go out.' Next thing we are argueing and everything tells me there is no point ,but I am so wound up. I suggest you do what I have been doing for months now and just don't ask him to help you with even the smallest job. If, like my husband, he asks if he can help, be prepared to see him walk away within a few seconds. Try to accept that he simply can't understand. This damned illness is so cruel to you both and we are not saints so please try not to beat yourself up about the situation. I wish you the best and hope things settle for a while.x
     
  19. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    Casbow, I am unsure what answers you will get as this post was started in 2008 and I know things have changed since its start. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are having, maybe you would get more replies/ support if you started a new thread?

    Take care x
     
  20. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hello Casbow,

    Thank you for your response to my situation as was. Alan has now passed away and my life is drastically different. In a way it shows there can be quality life after dementia. When I read my initial post on that thread, I could see with hindsight my errors. I did learn how to communicate more positively with the help of a speech and language therapist trained in dealing with the type of dementia that Alan had.

    I do feel for you as you are in the thick of it. I can't express enough how vital Talking Point was to me throughout our dementia journey. I will always believe that because I was so supported, Alan had a much better life with dementia. I learned a huge amount about the disease and also learnt where and how to ask for help and support.

    I will pop into TP again to see how you are getting on. I sincerely hope you find the help and support I did.

    Love
     

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