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It's All Come Back

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Hello Everyone.

I've just seen an item on grieving during lockdown and whilst dad passed away last June it has brought it all back. It's also not helped by me finding out that Covid is in dad's old care home.

MaNaAk
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,687
80
East of England
My sympathy to you, because the loss remains. I find that the constant references to death every day remind me daily of losing my husband in February. So the past three months have been a grieving process but I still cannot believe that he has gone. I am alright and it’s a relief in some ways not to have people asking how are you all the time. I can revisit the good times and reflect on our happy memories rather than the past two years.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou Graham's Town and I'm sorry to hear about your husband and like you I think of the happy times. Caring for someone with dementia is very difficult but it can create special memories. My brother texted to say that dad's tombstone is ready to be installed but of course I won't be able to place flowers on his grave because I don't drive. However on the 12th June I will put flowers in a vase in our lounge. Strange that the last time I saw him in the home was the only time we said goodbye to each other without him wanting to follow me and I would give anything to give him one last cuddle.

Thinking of you @Grahamstown.

MaNaAk
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,375
Kent
Hello Everyone.

I've just seen an item on grieving during lockdown and whilst dad passed away last June it has brought it all back. It's also not helped by me finding out that Covid is in dad's old care home.

MaNaAk
I don`t think the grief ever goes @MaNaAk. It just changes.

Be thankful your dad was spared the threat of the Coronavirus while in care. It would have made life even more upsetting for you.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou @Grannie G.

I would have been worried out of my mind. I still have things to go through but I can now think that he is safe with mum.

Talking Point has been such a wonderful support.

MaNaAk
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,405
My MiL passed away peacefully last week (not Covid).

It all seems a bit dreamlike, because we can't get together with the rest of the family, can't share our sorrow and memories and the daily Coronavirus impact seems to have overshadowed her death.
She can't have a church service, just a short graveside speech.
Faith was such an important part of her life, we feel very disappointed that she is denied the dignified trumpeting of hymns and prayers, eulogising her good life that she deserves.
What a pitiable send off and we feel as if we have let her down. I know it's the way we have to live now, but .......
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,270
Suffolk
But you can have a memorial get together ( or party) when regulations allow and eulogies can be delivered, favourite music played, photos shown Etc.
 

LynneMcV

Registered User
May 9, 2012
3,976
south-east London
I think I watched the same item as you @MaNaAk - the one I saw was on BBC Breakfast News and it brought a lump to my throat too.

The commissioned poem at the end, written and read out by Hussain Manawer, was very moving. I usually run from poetry but this time it hit a note with me - not just for the people I know who are facing bereavement during lockdown (such an awful situation) - but bringing back memories of those I have grieved for down the years.

It felt healing though, to be able to face that grief and shed some quiet tears. For the past few weeks I have felt on the brink of tears but none came - so this morning seemed like a small release and that building sense of pressure has lifted.

I like your idea of having flowers at home to mark those special dates. That's what I do too - it feels much more comforting to me that way as opposed to visiting their different places of rest.

Thinking of you.

Edit - just to add that you are in my thoughts too @Dimpsy - I missed your post while I was writing mine. I know it must all feel very empty right now. Such a tough time for anyone to lose a loved one, whether from Covid19 or some another illness. I hope that further down the line you will have an opportunity to pay full tribute to your MiL and all that she meant to you all.
 
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MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou Lynne. I think we were watching the same item and @Dimpsy I am very sorry to hear about your Mil but you tell yourselves that you did your best and as @Spamar says you will be able to have a memorial service for her when things are better.

Hugs from

MaNaAk
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,405
Thank you for your kind words @MaNaAk; how life has changed in the blink of an eye.
Traditional ceremonies that record birth, marriage and death and bring celebration and joy or commiseration and comfort, necessarily put aside at this time.

I may never get the opportunity to say this again, so to put on the TP record: -

My lovely Mother in Law reached the grand old age of 91. She was formidable but fair. She cared for her grandfather and in later years, her father, at home, whilst raising five children plus a foster child.
When my OH was on strike in the 70's and we had two small children, a mortgage and no income, she emptied her pantry and shared what she had with us.

It was her example I followed, with the support of my OH (who had grown up with an 'oldie' as part of the household) when my own mum moved in with us three years ago.

I am so pleased that I had the opportunity to tell MiL what a source of inspiration she was to me, in her final days.
She positively twinkled and said you must always do all you can.
RIP
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,310
Bedford
Your MIL @Dimpsy sounds a remarkable person and I am sorry to hear your news.
@MaNaAk i agree with Grannie G. Grief does not go but changes over time so that we can cope with it
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou everyone and @Dimpsy that is a wonderful tribute. I hope that in the weeks ahead you will think of all the wonderful and what an inspiration your wonderful Mil was and what an inspiration you are.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

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