I managed to keep my mum out of hospital on so many occasions by looking after her in the past but today she had a fall and needs surgery. I was in casualty with her and then she had to go to a ward. She will be fearful and has barely been out of the house in the last two and a half years. The casualty nurse said the Dr would want to discuss things and get me to sign consent forms. However when I got there a rather curt and stroppy nurse said things were different now, and because she has Alzheimers they don't want consent because everything they tell me is just as a "courtesy". She has moderate Alzheimers and has not lost capacity to understand. In honesty she can be more in the zone than me periodically. All I can think of is they won't bother with her now - they will do what they please and Mum and I will be unable to have any input. I won't even know how she really feels as obviously I can't visit the ward. All in all I feel today is the last day I'll see mum. I shielded her from Covid and now we are just in the lions den regardless. I never interfered with the medics when I lost my Husband. I come from an age where you just didn't do that. I regret that dearly and now my mum is at their mercy. I'm sorry to have gone on a bit but I've just got back from the hospital and I'm dis stressed about this. The Ward nurse wouldn't even let me say goodbye as I was leaving
Its all been for nothing.
- Thread starter Amba34
- Start date
Some people may be very good at their job and still lack emotional intelligence. That nurse is such a person. I usually praise such professionalism to the highest here in Scotland but I got one yesterday too who took my breath away. My SIL has had a massive downturn recently and I phoned the emergency social care line and explained the predicament. “so what you are telling me is you want nothing more to do with her”, she said. “No” I replied, “I’m telling you there is nothing more I can do for her”.
To me the difference is obvious but she chose to be obnoxious. It leaves you feeling stressed and resentful as like you I have done more than my duty.
I hope all goes well with your mother and be sure lots of people on here will care how you get on.
To me the difference is obvious but she chose to be obnoxious. It leaves you feeling stressed and resentful as like you I have done more than my duty.
I hope all goes well with your mother and be sure lots of people on here will care how you get on.
Thanks marionq. Your reply is appreciated. I can understand your anxiousness over SIL. I hope things are settling a little. Sending compassionate thoughts.
Hello. Many thanks to all who replied. I hope I have managed to reply to each of you.
I've spent a while looking into the guidelines on visiting and understandably it's not allowed. Although I've also read that there are exemptions and discretion can be applied on compassionate grounds. I'll be looking into that. I understand different hospitals have different policies but I suspect they may not expect relatIves to question these statements in these times. I wasn't prepared to hear a ward nurse say the ward was "full of patients with Alzheimers" thereby implying I wasn't justified to be concerned about her being alone in unfamiliar surroundings. It's not a mental health/dementia/advanced years department so therefore they aren't specially knowledgable in this area. I was also embarrassed about being told I must leave the ward and then being duly escorted to the door like a shoplifter being escorted from Tesco in handcuffs. I hadn't made my own way in, I was taken there by a porter and casualty nurse. I can understand I sound full of "attitude". I'll have to be reigning that in I can see. It's not very gracious. This consent thing is also worrying me sick, but that's a whole separate whinge. Thanks again all.
I've spent a while looking into the guidelines on visiting and understandably it's not allowed. Although I've also read that there are exemptions and discretion can be applied on compassionate grounds. I'll be looking into that. I understand different hospitals have different policies but I suspect they may not expect relatIves to question these statements in these times. I wasn't prepared to hear a ward nurse say the ward was "full of patients with Alzheimers" thereby implying I wasn't justified to be concerned about her being alone in unfamiliar surroundings. It's not a mental health/dementia/advanced years department so therefore they aren't specially knowledgable in this area. I was also embarrassed about being told I must leave the ward and then being duly escorted to the door like a shoplifter being escorted from Tesco in handcuffs. I hadn't made my own way in, I was taken there by a porter and casualty nurse. I can understand I sound full of "attitude". I'll have to be reigning that in I can see. It's not very gracious. This consent thing is also worrying me sick, but that's a whole separate whinge. Thanks again all.
It's 3am and I have not yet slept for replaying things and trying to reconcile what's happened and what is yet to happen. I knew things would be out of our hands once and if she'd ever get to be admitted to hospital. Now I'm thinking what if they refuse my request to visit - the next time I get to go she may no longer remember me. How could I deal with this. The look of fear in Mums eyes etched itself on my brain. What with the sheer strain of lockdown things had become tense and harsh words were exchanged. I'm ashamed by that but fear the ability to put it right has gone. These are just the ramblings of my tired mind so there's no obligation for people to reply. Its somewhere for me to express my feelings. Thanks and kind wishes.
Sorry to hear that your mum is in hospital and that some of the staff have been less than helpful. What surgery is it that is needed? If your mum has capacity then consent should be sought from her. If she has lost capacity, if you hold power of attorney for health & welfare then consent should be sought from you but if you don't have this then decisions should be made on a 'best interests' basis with input from family if possible. From experience, going into hospital during the weekend always means that there are very few doctors available to speak to. As A&E have already advised that the doctor would want to discuss things with you I'd suggest giving the ward a ring this morning for an update, and ask to speak to the doctor. The hospital PALS team are also worth contacting if you wish to raise any issues and/or are unable to get through to the ward, and they will also be able to let you know what the hospital policy is at the moment with regards to visiting restrictions. Also, ask if the hospital has a dementia team/nurse as I found them really helpful with explaining dementia to the ward staff (who seemed to have little experience of treating dementia patients as individuals) when mum was in hospital. Good luck and I hope that your mum will be out of hospital soon.
Last edited:
You have my deepest understanding, my wife was admitted to hospital last week, no communication from the hospital and whenever I telephoned the ward it was always busy or not answered. All you want to know is that everything is OK but even that is taken away from you. Thankfully our social worker was able to make contact with the social worker in the hospital and got them to ring us.
Don't worry about the covid-19 risk, the hospitals are very good at keeping that area sperate. Perhaps the lockdown with be lifted soon and visiting rules relaxed.
Don't worry about the covid-19 risk, the hospitals are very good at keeping that area sperate. Perhaps the lockdown with be lifted soon and visiting rules relaxed.
My mam just died in care home. I wish id forced my way in to be with her in lockdown. I feel your pain
