Brucie - I too shook my head in sad recognition of that comment. It is one I've heard three times this week.
When the decision was endorsed by my mother's care team that she needed to be admitted, they suggested that she should be placed as close to her neighbourhood of 50 years as possible. She had a good network of friends, who had helped out in various ways and a son in the area. The EMI unit is very good and welcoming and all should be lovely.
I agreed even though it meant 5 hours driving each weekend visit for me and I've headed there regularly. I've passed on 'how Mum is' bulletins to friends and her other relatives and been as upbeat as I can. In 6 months, my bro has visited 3 times, one friend once and no other relatives. The staff say my mother would benefit from more visits.
This week because I've sent out Christmas cards, which I took in for Mum to sign, the phone has gone most evenings and in most cases, the refrain has been...
'I do think about your mother but no, I shan't visit because I want to remember her how she was. Isn't it sad.'
Yes, It is sad and it may be hard. True, Mum may not know you. She doesn't remember her grandchildren but they still come along. But she loves to have a hug. She strokes her flowers. You could bring a photo and put it in her memory book with your name. Her smile when that triggers something is as lovely as ever.
She can still remember how to introduce her guests to all the staff and other residents, which she will every 15 minutes but that isn't tedious, it is social interaction for her. If her conversation is one-sided, just listen and let it run. At least she is talking. And if Mum is having a bad day, you won't be on your own with her. The staff know how to step in and distract.
What more can I tell them? That Mum's rate of decline this year has been so rapid, we don't know how long she will stay as she is now. That if they don't go now, things may be different in a month or two? And so on....
I'm not really expecting an answer to these questions but Yes, it makes me sad when no-one feels they can visit.