It upsets me when.......

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
It upsets me when:-

Someone who visits very occasionally tells me what I should be doing for John.

Someone tells me how well I’m coping; i.e. I don’t need any help.

Someone tells me I’m a strong woman; i.e. I don’t need any help.

Someone offers to do something, then ‘forgets’.

Professionals tell me ‘That’s not my problem, you need to speak to…..’

Family members think they’ve done their duty when they call in for half an hour, talk about themselves and ignore John.

People talk about John as if he wasn’t there.

Anything else?
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
...someone says ... 'Oh yeah, my great-aunty-so-and-so got a bit forgetful......'

Nuff said....:mad:

Doesn't it always seem to be the people who know nothing of the reality who always seem to have the most to say about something?????

Hugest hugs...., Karen..... xx
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
The other side of Karen's coin: "great aunty was so much worse than x"

I don't want to hear about how much worse off my mother could be, or how much worse she's inevitably (to the speaker) going to get.

Jennifer
 

maria29al

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
426
59
Warwickshire
when...

.....my married, two wages, sister calls to tell me (again!!!) that she works nights and cannot make any appointments re Mum unless they are 8am or 7pm!!!!...yet she expects me (a single one wage parent) to take time off work all the time. :mad:

.....the same sister tells me that as I made all the decisions with Dad ( as neither of my sisters could be bothered) so I can do the same with Mum!!! :mad: :(

Hugs
M
x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,770
Kent
It Upsets Me When

Someone says,

` If I were you............................`

` I`d rather be dead`.

`Have you looked at Homes yet?

`You should get out more.`

` You can bring him too.`

Oh Hazel, you`ve opened a can of worms. Sylvia
 
Last edited:

Lucille

Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
542
Hey all ... what about the classic

"You need to look after yourself, you know, you're looking tired. You're doing too much." Always said with a patronising tone and a pat on the shoulder ... by someone who as you've said, has a friend who had an aunt who had a daughter who had dementia

even worse ...

last year BEFORE mum's diagnosis someone actually said to me ...

"she shouldn't be allowed out on her own, she needs to be put in a home."

:( :eek:
 

Cate

Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
1,370
Newport, Gwent
................ in bits after a bad day, from well meaning 'friend' .......... "pull yourself together"

or

she's 88 (mum) had good inings

or

dont know why you worry so much, get out there and enjoy yourself (from same well meaning 'friend' who has no b.......y idea.

Whew, feel better for that
 

Momx4

Registered User
Oct 19, 2006
25
Please add to the collection:-

'At least they don't know they've got anything wrong with them....' (Really??)

'It's not like she's dying of cancer...' (No. Both equally odious in different ways.)

And from any professional clutching my mother's medical history to his chest and about to make a major judgement, 'How long has she been like this?' (Would you at least SKIM her notes before you come to the case conference??)
 

RussellC

Registered User
Jul 6, 2006
47
Family member "He'll have to go into a home"

Luckily we gave him four years of good life in his own home.

We have to do what we feel is best and not listen to the ignorant.

Russell
 

Dar Griff

Registered User
Dec 5, 2006
15
48
Caerphilly
Has anyone had; from friends AND family...............


Isn't it soooooooooooooo sad???!!!!?

NO. NOT AT ALL!!! I LOVE HAVING A FATHER WITH ALZHEIEMER'S WHO DOESN'T ALWAYS RECOGNISE HIS OWN SONS' VOICES ON THE PHONE OR HAS TEMPER TRANTRUMS EVERY WEEK OR SO BECAUSE OF HIS FRUSTRATION.

Thank you. It's such a relief to not be alone & feeling the same way as you all.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,657
66
Toronto, Canada
From one irritating aunt... "she's so much better when I take her outside, I give her water, I do this that" and a whole bunch of stupid things which have no bearing on the situation.

From the other insane aunt "I can't believe Doris has Alzheimer's" IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS SINCE SHE WAS DIAGNOSED!!!! What will it take for her to believe it?? Or does she have Alzheimer's herself, because she just cannot take it in???

I'm also quite sick of "Does she know who you are?" this being asked when she was in the early stages. Then they didn't really believe me when I said she did. Nowadays, they don't seem to believe me when I say she doesn't. Can't win.....
 

DaisyG

Registered User
Feb 20, 2006
183
North West England
How are you? ..... then walking away before I've had the chance to answer?


I think 'he's' bored.... in reference to husbands recent 'cat-naps' ... mid morning.....


I think 'he's cold' ... without even asking him....
when asked he says he's 'toasty'...... and he is....


Weeelllll, I've never seen him confused.....
This is MIL who when she asked my husband less than 10 minutes after a TV football game 'what the score was'.... his reply was
I've no bl***y idea !!
Don't be daft, of course you do... stop this messing about !!!

MIL, (again).... Do you know what today / date etc is???
husband's answer .... 1970... something there abouts.....


That dribbling nonsence will just HAVE to stop you know.....


What have YOU (meaning me) , done about getting 'his' hand to work?
(He's had multiple strokes... and the left hand and arm havent 'worked' in years).....


You know if you two prayed a bit ... you might find that his hand will work !!



You are sooo lucky that you don't have to work !! (SIL)....
I would love to 'work'.....
(When I 'retire' from all this caring business, (this is Daisy talking) ... I'm going to find me a proper job !!)



SIL.... You get to lay in bed all day... I wish I could do that !!



How can I be so sure that he has Vascular Dementia?
I don't see that there is any problems......



Don't be so mean.... Of course he can have a drink or two...
NO he can't ... seizures WWAAAYYYY too bad to allow alcohol......



I'll think of some more to add later... I'm sure there are 100's of things...



Take Care


DaisyG
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I get Oh, Margaret you felt , cope so much better when you was working, you should go back to work

If we go on a night out there no talk of depressing things, like children or mother.

I say My mother has AZ , oh my mother also had AZ then go on to tell me soon as they put her in care home she went down hill , because they lived so far away from care home . You know its going to get worse then tell me how worse and that I am going to have to put her in care home.

I’ll sit with your mother , but can I use your washing machine dryer
 

chip

Registered User
Jul 19, 2005
400
Scotland
........ having to pretend your not coping to get help

........ being told by someone less qualified than you that your ill (when you
complain)
........ a complete stranger telling you what to do

........ handing over your financil income to complete strangers

........ complete strangers knowing all about you

....... all the forms you get over and over again saying the same questions

........ life not your own any more

........ authorities knowing all about you and you know nothing about them

A few of my don't likes
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
What I like about caring for mum at home.

Not having to put on a false smile at work to those customer who give me they bad attitude , stress , because what is happening in they own life , while I control my own emotion at work , I leave it at my door step so should they .

Not having to go out in the cold morning frizzing winter , that feel cold like the cold sea , like when you go for a swim in the sea in the summer, gosh felt it this morning when I took dog out .
 

mocha

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
176
86
Lancs, England
I hate it

When people say "when did you first notice something was wrong"
I don't know because then I didn't realize it.

When people say" you've done everything you can"
HAVE I???

THE BEST ONE....."I'm getting forgetful myself"
Really!!!! Awe.....I'm sorry for you.

Oh Bitter me
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
My hate:

'There's no point in me visiting if he doesn't know who i am'............answer.............May we never have friends who, like shadows, keep close to us in the sunshine, but desert us on a cloudy day!

Love Alex x
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Being told that 'other people feel embarrassed, awkward, seeing mum as she is now'
Helen
 

mw52

Registered User
Aug 25, 2006
32
Leeds
Recently whilst I've been off work - "ooh - I wish I could loose half a stone" or "lucky you - all that time to do your christmas shopping"
Five days to go and I haven't got anything so will still be rushing round at the last nminute - but oh how I wish I was rushing round with my mum - choosing a turkey and everything.
 

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