It upsets me when.......

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Skye, Dec 17, 2006.

  1. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    It upsets me when:-

    Someone who visits very occasionally tells me what I should be doing for John.

    Someone tells me how well I’m coping; i.e. I don’t need any help.

    Someone tells me I’m a strong woman; i.e. I don’t need any help.

    Someone offers to do something, then ‘forgets’.

    Professionals tell me ‘That’s not my problem, you need to speak to…..’

    Family members think they’ve done their duty when they call in for half an hour, talk about themselves and ignore John.

    People talk about John as if he wasn’t there.

    Anything else?
  2. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    ...someone says ... 'Oh yeah, my great-aunty-so-and-so got a bit forgetful......'

    Nuff said....:mad:

    Doesn't it always seem to be the people who know nothing of the reality who always seem to have the most to say about something?????

    Hugest hugs...., Karen..... xx
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    The other side of Karen's coin: "great aunty was so much worse than x"

    I don't want to hear about how much worse off my mother could be, or how much worse she's inevitably (to the speaker) going to get.

  4. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    when... married, two wages, sister calls to tell me (again!!!) that she works nights and cannot make any appointments re Mum unless they are 8am or 7pm!!!!...yet she expects me (a single one wage parent) to take time off work all the time. :mad:

    .....the same sister tells me that as I made all the decisions with Dad ( as neither of my sisters could be bothered) so I can do the same with Mum!!! :mad: :(

  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    #5 Grannie G, Dec 17, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2006
    It Upsets Me When

    Someone says,

    ` If I were you............................`

    ` I`d rather be dead`.

    `Have you looked at Homes yet?

    `You should get out more.`

    ` You can bring him too.`

    Oh Hazel, you`ve opened a can of worms. Sylvia
  6. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    Hey all ... what about the classic

    "You need to look after yourself, you know, you're looking tired. You're doing too much." Always said with a patronising tone and a pat on the shoulder ... by someone who as you've said, has a friend who had an aunt who had a daughter who had dementia

    even worse ...

    last year BEFORE mum's diagnosis someone actually said to me ...

    "she shouldn't be allowed out on her own, she needs to be put in a home."

    :( :eek:
  7. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    ................ in bits after a bad day, from well meaning 'friend' .......... "pull yourself together"


    she's 88 (mum) had good inings


    dont know why you worry so much, get out there and enjoy yourself (from same well meaning 'friend' who has no b.......y idea.

    Whew, feel better for that
  8. Momx4

    Momx4 Registered User

    Oct 19, 2006
    Please add to the collection:-

    'At least they don't know they've got anything wrong with them....' (Really??)

    'It's not like she's dying of cancer...' (No. Both equally odious in different ways.)

    And from any professional clutching my mother's medical history to his chest and about to make a major judgement, 'How long has she been like this?' (Would you at least SKIM her notes before you come to the case conference??)
  9. RussellC

    RussellC Registered User

    Jul 6, 2006
    Family member "He'll have to go into a home"

    Luckily we gave him four years of good life in his own home.

    We have to do what we feel is best and not listen to the ignorant.

  10. Dar Griff

    Dar Griff Registered User

    Dec 5, 2006
    Has anyone had; from friends AND family...............

    Isn't it soooooooooooooo sad???!!!!?


    Thank you. It's such a relief to not be alone & feeling the same way as you all.
  11. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    From one irritating aunt... "she's so much better when I take her outside, I give her water, I do this that" and a whole bunch of stupid things which have no bearing on the situation.

    From the other insane aunt "I can't believe Doris has Alzheimer's" IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS SINCE SHE WAS DIAGNOSED!!!! What will it take for her to believe it?? Or does she have Alzheimer's herself, because she just cannot take it in???

    I'm also quite sick of "Does she know who you are?" this being asked when she was in the early stages. Then they didn't really believe me when I said she did. Nowadays, they don't seem to believe me when I say she doesn't. Can't win.....
  12. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    North West England
    How are you? ..... then walking away before I've had the chance to answer?

    I think 'he's' bored.... in reference to husbands recent 'cat-naps' ... mid morning.....

    I think 'he's cold' ... without even asking him....
    when asked he says he's 'toasty'...... and he is....

    Weeelllll, I've never seen him confused.....
    This is MIL who when she asked my husband less than 10 minutes after a TV football game 'what the score was'.... his reply was
    I've no bl***y idea !!
    Don't be daft, of course you do... stop this messing about !!!

    MIL, (again).... Do you know what today / date etc is???
    husband's answer .... 1970... something there abouts.....

    That dribbling nonsence will just HAVE to stop you know.....

    What have YOU (meaning me) , done about getting 'his' hand to work?
    (He's had multiple strokes... and the left hand and arm havent 'worked' in years).....

    You know if you two prayed a bit ... you might find that his hand will work !!

    You are sooo lucky that you don't have to work !! (SIL)....
    I would love to 'work'.....
    (When I 'retire' from all this caring business, (this is Daisy talking) ... I'm going to find me a proper job !!)

    SIL.... You get to lay in bed all day... I wish I could do that !!

    How can I be so sure that he has Vascular Dementia?
    I don't see that there is any problems......

    Don't be so mean.... Of course he can have a drink or two...
    NO he can't ... seizures WWAAAYYYY too bad to allow alcohol......

    I'll think of some more to add later... I'm sure there are 100's of things...

    Take Care

  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I get Oh, Margaret you felt , cope so much better when you was working, you should go back to work

    If we go on a night out there no talk of depressing things, like children or mother.

    I say My mother has AZ , oh my mother also had AZ then go on to tell me soon as they put her in care home she went down hill , because they lived so far away from care home . You know its going to get worse then tell me how worse and that I am going to have to put her in care home.

    I’ll sit with your mother , but can I use your washing machine dryer
  14. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    ........ having to pretend your not coping to get help

    ........ being told by someone less qualified than you that your ill (when you
    ........ a complete stranger telling you what to do

    ........ handing over your financil income to complete strangers

    ........ complete strangers knowing all about you

    ....... all the forms you get over and over again saying the same questions

    ........ life not your own any more

    ........ authorities knowing all about you and you know nothing about them

    A few of my don't likes
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    What I like about caring for mum at home.

    Not having to put on a false smile at work to those customer who give me they bad attitude , stress , because what is happening in they own life , while I control my own emotion at work , I leave it at my door step so should they .

    Not having to go out in the cold morning frizzing winter , that feel cold like the cold sea , like when you go for a swim in the sea in the summer, gosh felt it this morning when I took dog out .
  16. mocha

    mocha Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Lancs, England
    I hate it

    When people say "when did you first notice something was wrong"
    I don't know because then I didn't realize it.

    When people say" you've done everything you can"
    HAVE I???

    THE BEST ONE....."I'm getting forgetful myself"
    Really!!!! Awe.....I'm sorry for you.

    Oh Bitter me
  17. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    My hate:

    'There's no point in me visiting if he doesn't know who i am'............answer.............May we never have friends who, like shadows, keep close to us in the sunshine, but desert us on a cloudy day!

    Love Alex x
  18. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Being told that 'other people feel embarrassed, awkward, seeing mum as she is now'
  19. mw52

    mw52 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2006
    Recently whilst I've been off work - "ooh - I wish I could loose half a stone" or "lucky you - all that time to do your christmas shopping"
    Five days to go and I haven't got anything so will still be rushing round at the last nminute - but oh how I wish I was rushing round with my mum - choosing a turkey and everything.
  20. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    "I won't visit because I want to remember her as she was"

    :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

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