1. nars2100

    nars2100 New member

    Aug 18, 2019
    My mom has just been diagnosed with Vascular dementia, it was not a surprise but still a shock. Since it was diagnosed 3 weeks ago it seems to have got worse.

    The worst thing is that I try not to get upset with her as she cannot remember things, its not her fault and I know that and I then get angry at myself for getting angry.

    I am sure that things will settle down , but right now it all seems very overwhelming.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to DTP @ampypoole
    It is all overwhelming. I’m glad you’ve found us as you’ll get lots of help & support here.
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Welcome from me too @ampypoole.

    I'm sorry to read about your mum's diagnosis. I can understand how overwhelming it all must be for you. I'm sure posting on the forum will be a great help to you. There's always someone around to listen.
  4. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Hullo and welcome to the forums from me too, @ampypoole. There is so much to adjust to with Dementia, so you are bound to get angry and frustrated with yourself. Give your self time and read the other threads, you'll find you are not alone. IF you need any support or want to ask questions there's plenty on here who are always happy to share or to read and offer a virtual shoulder.
  5. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    South Northwest
    #5 Andrew_McP, Aug 18, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
    Welcome to our little club. It's not so little and the club is studded with nails, but beggars can't be choosers, eh?

    The marvellous thing about dementia is that the diagnosis comes from the medical profession, but all the expertise seems to have to come from family and carers. And there's no manual, just a steep, scary, miserable learning curve covered in grease, broken dreams and... well, ginger nuts mushed up with tea, apparently. Excuse me while I disappear for a moment to redirect Mum's supper from the carpet into the bin.

    Right, where was I? Oh yes, trying to depress you even further! But you already know what a lousy hand your mother's been dealt, and it's up to you to try and help her make the most of it. It's a thankless task, most of the time, but it's also one of the most worthwhile ones. Imagine where your mother would be without your support? You might not be perfect, but you're every bit as imperfect as the rest of us. We're all out here waving and drowning at the same time, and this place gives us somewhere to occasionally grab a hand to hang onto until we get our strength back.

    You poor old Mum's probably been unsettled by the diagnosis, and even if she doesn't remember it, the emotional impact of the diagnosis rattles around like a pinball inside folk, causing chaos. My mother didn't speak to me for days after hers, because it was all my fault for dragging her to the hospital. Then she completely forgot what had made her feel that way, but she certainly remembered whatever it was was my fault! :)

    Such is the carer's lot. You will learn to cope, or find ways to cope via the help of others. You will get angry, you will do things you regret, you will wonder how you'll survive the next minute, let alone the next day, week, month or year. But you will never stop caring about the person who cared for you, and you will always know that no matter how scary it is for you, it's worse for your mother. Sometimes I find that if I focus on that for a while, it helps me get a grip.

    Sometimes it just makes me want to cry though, and that's when I tend to lurk here, reading other people's troubles and feeling a bit less lonely.

    I wish you and your mother all the best on the road ahead. It's a long, bumpy ride to somewhere nobody wants to go... a bit like a daytrip to Rhyl in February. But it's the company we keep that makes any journey bearable. Your mother has you. You have us. We have each other.

    And something tells me I really ought to delete that last paragraph, because it's made me a little bit nauseous on this bumpy coach trip (knew I shouldn't have had that third candyfloss before we left for home!) I'm not normally this sentimental, but after six weeks of incredibly disturbed sleep, no end in sight to my mother's stubborn UTI, and a hospital appointment to try and get her to tomorrow, my way of coping is typing until I wished I'd stopped sooner. :)
  6. nars2100

    nars2100 New member

    Aug 18, 2019

    Thank You
  7. manArgentina

    manArgentina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2019
    Mendoza, Argentina
    I have my mother with vascular dementia, and i cant count the times ive lost in anger with her, she "likes to be not nice", she likes to talk in a bad way, because of what she have (vascular dementia).

    Other times ive also get angry when she do things too slow, and sometimes this is when i blame myself, sometimes be with her its like freeze the time and make things so slow that makes you nerveous.

    Try to take the things calm and slow, the only you can do. good luck.
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    Hi.My dad was diagnosed in 2016,although he was showing signs before then.All I can say is one day at a time.
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    This should be pasted on the walls of Parliament.

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