It is getting a little easier

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Prague09, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. Prague09

    Prague09 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2008
    174
    essex
    Please if I can just say that things are getting a little easier now. Its four months since my lovely Dad passed who I loved and cared for so much. I am moving on slowly the bad days are still there but there are also good ones coming through. I hope that may bring some comfort to those of you who are still suffering the full impact of losing your loved one...what a horrible, horrible, horrible, painful place that is.

    The feeling of deep HATE towards the hospital has NOT subsided and I dont forsee me ever forgiving them for the needless suffering that Dad must have endured.

    I have times when I forget he isnt there....ie I hear some news and think Oh I must tell Dad that. Perhaps I am shopping and I see something that he likes and I think I will get that for his tea and I pick it up to buy it too!!!!.

    Much Love to all the ones who are suffering the loss of their loved ones. prague 09
     
  2. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Dear Prague,

    I often see things and say "oh my mum would have loved that". I actually like remembering her in all these little ways because I knew her and I knew just what she liked:)

    I am glad to hear that things are a little better for you. The circumstances around my father's death and the lies that the hospital told my mum about his condition and their treatment of him meant that she took her hatred of the hospital to the grave with her.

    Love and very best wishes to you:)
     
  3. Rosie

    Rosie Registered User

    Jun 10, 2004
    235
    South East Wales, UK.
    Just read your posting, my Mam has only recently passed away, three weeks and reading your words give me some comfort that hopefully the loss of Mam that is so hard to bear at the moment, time will help a little & there may be some normality back in my life,because with things so raw at the moment there doesnt seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. Luv & Hugs Rosie x x
     
  4. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    What a lovely way to offer comfort to those who have lost someone Prague09, thank you. I too have "miss mum moments" and its 7 years in December since she passed. The pain lessens but I guess a scar lasts forever, and the loss of one you love becomes that scar. Til we meet again I say. x
     
  5. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    It is now nearly 10 months since my lovely Mum died and I hope I can help by sharing my experience. In the first few weeks I couldn't stop being busy, a necessity too with all the paperwork and a house to clear and sell. But it was also definitely avoidance of thinking about my Mum's death. If I stopped I was haunted by memories of Mum in hospital and the sheer desolation, helplessness and loneliness of the experience. I remember feeling very bewildered and almost searching for my Mum, puzzled what had actually happened. And Prague09, of course the anger like you due to poor hospital care. It really helped that I wrote in detail to the hospital about every aspect of Mum's care that I didn't feel was acceptable. And, as I've written on here before, they did finally offer some reassurance of change.

    But my post here is a positive one. I know from the time we lost my father, my mother adopted such a positive stance that life must go on and mustn't be wasted. So I am following her example and taking up every opportunity it offers. I now have more time (I'm learning to play the harp - a lifetime's ambition fulfilled - and I even played at Wisley Gardens recently - oh how I wish I could share that with my Mum), we have time for long days out (unheard of during Mum's last year - hardly left the house), time to catch up with friends. And, knowing the difficulties sight loss presented to my mother before any cognitive impairment, I continue to raise funds in her memory for research into a cure for blindness. In fact I received a national award last month, had my photo in the local papers etc.... Again, wish I could share that with Mum. Again, rather like you Prague09!

    The overwhelming feeling in this period, is that it is such a huge period of change - everything goes up into the air and it does take time to settle, but the new order is emerging, my life is very full and I am laughing and smiling again. The experience of dealing with Mum's sightloss, dementia and being a working carer has been life-changing and will never be forgotten; it has also given me many positive experiences as well as times of deep sadness. In other words, a rich and very full life as my Mum would want me to have.

    Hoping that these words may give some reassurance to those recently bereaved. xxx
     

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