It is all happening so quickly! How do we cope?


Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
Coventry, England

I am new to the site and have been really encouraged by how much support can be given on the site. I find it helps to talk to someone who is not directly involved in the situation- like a pressure valve!

Anyway my nan has gone through the forgetful stages and now barely recognises anyone. She is 88 years old but seems to be living in the past- she has gone back to when she is my age (22).

She is becoming increasingly aggressive and frustrated- she hardly seems like the same person anymore- i have to keep telling myself that she is still my Nan and i need to be there for her.

I have heard that the disease can develop at different paces however she has progressed extremely quickly- in only 6 weeks she has gone from being a bit forgetful to not recognising anyone at all. Her only child (my dad) passed away almost two years ago and the doctor seems to think that it has triggered it to happen quicker. At such a fast pace and her refusing to see a doctor i am strugggling to know what to do.

To make matters worse i have a very small family, my Nan lives with her husband who is in poor health anyeay and the only other family is me, my younger Brother and my mum, all of us work full time! Has anyone got any advice?

I appreciate that you all may have a lot on your plates but any advice you can give would really help.

Thank you



Registered User
Jan 2, 2008
Just a thought, whenever my MIL has a urine infection her confusion becomes much worse, perhaps you could persuade her to give a urine sample and you could pop it down to the doctors for testing, there never seems to be any physical indications just her behaviour becomes much more pronounced and a course of antibiotics clears it up quite rapidly.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Debbie

yes I agree - try to have her checked for a UTI [Urinary Tract infection] in the first instance.

You don't say what kind of dementia she may have. If it is vascular, then strokes can make for fast changes too.

Finally, you say she lives with her husband. How regularly had you seen her before the latest problems? It is often the case that the spouse will knowingly or unknowingly cover for the loss of capability of their other half. People who have dementia can often cover their own shortcomings in short visits from people.
It may be that you are seeing her more freauently and for longer times, and that you are simply observing more.

Just my thoughts...


Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
Coventry, England
Thanks for the replies

I have always had quite a close relationshop with my grandparents, i used to see them once a week and speak more than that on the phone. But obviously the worse she has got the more i do for her.

She has taken to phoning me several times a day too.

Thank you for your advice about the urine sample, so i will give that a go.

It feels good to know there is an easy way to get advice from people who really know. It is a horrible situation but if i can help someone from my experiences then it is not all bad.

Deb xx


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Debbie

I don't profess to know very much at all because I'm learning as I go along with my husband who has Fronto Temperal Lobe dementia. I was thinking that your gran would probably get a care package from social services. Not too long ago I was looking at possible care packages for my husband because I was going away for 2 weeks and social services were very helpful.

Sending very best wishes


Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Hi Debbie

I wonder if this is progressing quickly - or as others have said - is this a 'blip'? Dependent on the type of dementia there may be reasons for a sudden decline ...... and it could 'pick up' again ... (my own mum has an element of LBD which accounts for the wild fluctuations between incapacity and lucidity I understand - doesn't stop me from flying into total panic at times :eek:) ...... not much practical help .... and certainly not on an emotional level in terms of caring, I know ...

It might help as a first step to learn what the suggested diagnosis is?

Love, Karen, x

barbara h

Registered User
Feb 15, 2008
county durham
Hi Debbie

Glad you are finding the support here helpful. I certainly have since my mam deteriated quickly in January. We were having a few problems with her getting confused when she suddenly got worse the gp got her admitted to hospital thinking it could be an infection but as it turns out she was diagnosed with vascular dementia which is caused by strokes. It it hard getting your head around it i am still struggling with it now as within a week she went from living at home alone to us being told she needed 24 hour care. She is now living in a care home.
I think the main thing you have to do is see her doctor and get a diagnosis and take it from there. Also some care package could be arranged to take the strain off her family a little bit.

Take care
Barbara x


Registered User
Feb 17, 2008
Hi you have echoed my thoughts with dad and step mum dad covered alot up and didn't want help , step mum wouldn't go to doctors etc. I got them help with contacting socail services, then we manage to get her to see gp, If you can't get her there you go and see him explain everything, he should then do a home visit and get the ball rolling, but please it does take time to get her assesed. I contacted ss in jan it took them 2weeks to get back in touch we saw the gp in begining feb and saw the specailist last week, now we are waiting to hear from the cpn it seems like forever. but my dad gets atendence alloowance and driect payments to pay for me to go in and help so some things are better.
good luck getting your nan help


Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
Coventry, England
some development

After posting that the other day, Yesterday she didn't recognise my grandad so tried to leave the house, she slipped in the snow and my Grandad had to call the paramedics.

They didn't find any infection and got in touch with her GP to try and set up an appointment. There was a space this morning and she actually agreed to go but only on the condition that i would take her.

I did, she went and the doctor has now begun the process.

Although she has had to have chest x rays and a referal for a heart examination as they suspect something wrong eith it, it is beating irregularly and far too fast- is this another symptom?

Thanks for all of your advice- it is very comforting to know there are people like me and i am not on my own!

Another quesyion though? How do you cope if you woek full time and have to make all of the appointments?

Debbie xx