It feels like yesterday but still feel as lost

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Clairezie, Jan 28, 2016.

  1. Clairezie

    Clairezie Registered User

    Jan 17, 2014
    2
    I haven't posted on here very much. I joined at a point where I was feeling desperate. My Nanna was dying slowly of Vascular Dementia and I wasn't sure where to turn. To me she wasn't really a grandparent - she was a mother to me.

    This Saturday, it's the two year anniversary f her passing. I stopped posting on here once she'd passed, because I didn't know where to begin. I still don't really!

    I'm dreading Saturday. It feels like people expect you to be 'over it' but to me, it's like it happened yesterday. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing still but everyone's lives are just happening around me. Like they're all moving froward.

    I don't want it to be two years. I don't want her to be even further from me.

    I heard a quote recently:

    Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.

    I did find some peace in that.

    xxx
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,174
    Merseyside
    I think that quote is very true.
    I'm sorry you are still feeling lost. Have you considered getting some bereavement counselling?
     
  3. JXPW

    JXPW Registered User

    Feb 24, 2012
    34
    Essex
    #3 JXPW, Jan 29, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2016
    I've just joined a group called Coping with Grief and Loss. Perhaps where you live they have these groups too. When I told a friend yesterday where I was going she looked at me in amazement and said "oh I thought you were over it !" My dad died 10 months ago - I have some better days now. But it's still sad isn't it??? So I went along to see if it would help.

    What did I learn. Signs and symptoms of grief. Let's start with that...

    Denial
    Upsetting dreams
    Guilt
    Time confusion
    Resentment/bitterness
    Persistent depression
    Anger
    Low self esteem
    Mood swings
    Irritability
    Sadness
    Concentration problems

    Apparently these are all normal emotional and psychological signs and symptoms of grief.
    Mmmm.... I've had all these. So I ticked all those boxes.....
    It was good to hear I was not alone.

    I'm looking forward to next week. It's a journey for me now. You don't get over it. You learn to adjust..... However long it takes...

    Good luck.
     
  4. Sammyjo1

    Sammyjo1 Registered User

    Jul 8, 2014
    194
    Grief is something that never goes away really, we just learn to live with it. Anniversaries of the death are particularly hard times, alongside anniversaries of birthdays and other special occasions such as Christmas.

    You need to give yourself time and space to deal with these feelings as noone but you can know or understand how you feel. I'm not sure if you're in the UK or not but you might find contacting Samaritans helpful as they will allow you time to talk about your feelings and they don't judge you. Phone them on 116 123 or, if not in the UK, you can email jo@samaritans.org

    Take care
     
  5. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,425
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

    I love that quote. I am over three years out from the death of my husband and my mother and that is what I am doing, still learning to swim on my own.

    Clairezie, time can do so much to ease the pain but it will always be there in some small way. Rest in the comfort of your memories and smile at the good times you had together. But see if you an catch up with your friends again, we need people to travel with on our life's journey.

    Sue.
     

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