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It feels like I will be a stranger at my partner's funeral

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
Thank you again everyone for your kind words and support. Christel's son apologised for adding to the stress last week, so that side is behind us now.
Her coffin was brought in while One Small Star by Eric Bogle was playing. My good friend who conducted the ceremony picked up on the words in his opening comment.

But your light still shines
It's one small star to guide me
And it helps me to hold back the dark
Your light's still shining in my heart
Your light's still shining in my heart
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,133
0
Yorkshire
Really moving Rob ... a fitting farewell
Fare forward voyager, with warm memories and the light of kindness in your heart
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,427
0
South coast
Im glad it went as well as it could.
Look after yourself now - there is often a deflated feeling after the funeral
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))



May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
Im glad it went as well as it could.
Look after yourself now - there is often a deflated feeling after the funeral
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))



May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields.
Thank you, Canary. Thank you everyone.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
939
0
I was thinking of you yesterday just before 11am I'm glad it went well and that Christel's son was kind and apologised for the additional stress. Time to relax a bit now and think of the lovely times you had together.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
Thank you @Wildflowerlady.
I tried to sort out the bank today and they let me put a hold on the account. They need Christel's daughter as next of kin to sort out the documents and I think she will mess it up so the nursing home won't get paid, any levelling up with DWP and the council won't be sorted properly. The bank told me to apply for letter of administration.
Maybe I should just let go and leave it to Christel's daughter to avoid more stress. I don't like the thought of Christel's affairs ending in a mess or more hassle between her children. Sadly, as far as law is concerned it is none of my concern without more forms to fill in.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,647
0
71
Dundee
So hard for you Rob. I have to say that my inclination would be to let them get on with it. You’ve done everything possible for Christel and given her a loving and respectful farewell. Now you need no more stress.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
939
0
Thank you @Wildflowerlady.
I tried to sort out the bank today and they let me put a hold on the account. They need Christel's daughter as next of kin to sort out the documents and I think she will mess it up so the nursing home won't get paid, any levelling up with DWP and the council won't be sorted properly. The bank told me to apply for letter of administration.
Maybe I should just let go and leave it to Christel's daughter to avoid more stress. I don't like the thought of Christel's affairs ending in a mess or more hassle between her children. Sadly, as far as law is concerned it is none of my concern without more forms to fill in.
Is Christel's daughter wanting to do this herself or would she be happy for you to apply for letters of administration?. I did my dad's paperwork when he passed last year recorded everything including phone calls. I found by taking time and writing everything down in a book making a list of exactly who to contact I managed to get everything done it was easier than I thought. I used the tell me once service as well. My dad's stuff probably wasn't too complicated as he had no home that he owned but was still being rented as he was still being assessed in a CH. Dad just had the one bank account which they froze when I contacted them. I did not need to apply for probate/letters of administration as bank were happy to release dads funds when all his paperwork was done. It might seem daunting to do but if Christel's daughter wants to let you do it it should be manageable. As far as I know it is ok for anyone to apply for letters of administration the forms will just ask relationship to the person that has passed if any children alive etc. I'm sure you can put on the form relationship to Christel I don't think it's set in stone you must be a blood relative. My dad did not leave a will and I do have a sister which I made clear whenever it felt necessary. I just did everything by the book and settled with her half of what dad left. I can't say she was happy as she felt the bank should have informed her of how things were progressing but she had every opportunity to contact them herself but didn't bother. My relationship with sister was fraught we were basically not speaking. I didn't even get a thank you when it was done.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
I don't really want the stress of discussing it for a few days and the bank did say now the account is frozen there's no real rush. Thank you, Izzy.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
Actually, @Wildflowerlady I am not too sure what Christel's daughter wants me to do. She has mentioned sorting some affairs out together, though she did end up micromanaging the funeral in spite of an agreement to work on it together. I think if I do call her at the weekend and give her relevant documents to take to the bank on Monday or Tuesday then she would get with it. I'm worried her unstable state of mind will mean I will get dragged into it all without having any control over protecting Christel's account from ending in a shambles. There's potential problems with overpayments of housing benefit and council tax reduction due to my notifying the council later I should have. It feels wrong not to fix that and her daughter won't.
I'll leave it for a couple of days and see.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
600
0
Scotland
I'm so glad to read that Christel's funeral arrangements ran smoothly, nae sporran, and that you received kindness and support.

You have had to cope with so much stress recently, Rob - I think you should leave Christel's daughter to fulfil her duties as next of kin - just leave her to get on with it.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,427
0
South coast
You dont have to be involved if you dont want to. If Chrisels estate all goes Pete Tong, you can always suggest to her daughter that she appoints a solicitor to sort it out.
xx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,138
0
Bristol
You dont have to be involved if you dont want to. If Chrisels estate all goes Pete Tong, you can always suggest to her daughter that she appoints a solicitor to sort it out.
xx
That was the original plan, Canary. The one we appointed was unreliable and never answered his phone. Fair enough, so many are suggesting I should just let Christel's daughter get on with it that I will talk to her at the weekend. She can have the account numbers and a print out of the bank's page detailing what she needs to take to the branch. She won't do it online, so that is the easiest way.