1. steviel

    steviel Registered User

    Sep 17, 2007
    22
    Just have to talk to someone about my Dad it has taken me two days to sort him out with yet another problem that he cannot seem to deal with and I have to.
    His car ran out of the MOT 6 weeks ago, unbeknown to me, so whilst applying for his car tax I could not! I then arranged for a MOT after several phonecalls at which he did not turn up to! I then had to phone around all places looking for him, found him and he then made an excuse that he had been to the garage and his car was not booked in!!! Yes it was!!! God it is endless, what do you do?!
    I just feel that I cannot carry on doing everything for him with little or no help from everyone. I know he cannot help it but it feels so unfair for everyone!!
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Dear Stevie

    Have you considered that possibly, this inability to cope with the paperwork side of car ownership is indicative that he should not now be driving? I understand that stopping someone from driving is a very difficult issue, and ability to cope with paperwork does not necessarily mean he is unsafe to drive, but it does appear that he can no longer follow a train of thought though to its logical consequence which should give one pause.

    I realise that this is not the answer you were looking for. How to get other people to help you in taking care of him, particularly when his memory loss is such that HE can't help you is a conundrum that is revisited time and again here, without a definitive answer I'm afraid. It does sound as if you're reaching the end of your tether and if that's the case you don't have many options. Delegation or withdrawal of labour are about the only ones I can come up with, and only you know if that's feasible.

    Best wishes
     
  3. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
  4. steviel

    steviel Registered User

    Sep 17, 2007
    22
    Thanks Jennifer and Sandy
    I have informed the DVLA and I have heard nothing, he is ok to drive but I know what you are saying about him being unable to organise paperwork etc. He lives in a village a few miles a way from me and would be lost without his car, but I feel it is an added strain when he has it as it is a bit old and things need replacing!
    I felt a little bit at the end of my tether today and it really helped to put it down on paper so to speak to you guys.
    Thanks a million
    Stevie
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Stevie,
    We all have days where we feel ready to throw our hands in the air and throw the towel in - you did the right thing posting here.
    It is unfair - but I tell my sons, no-one ever promised us life would be fair.
    Try and relax this evening, take a little time for yourself - tomorrow is another day.
    Love Helen
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Steviel - I confess I have reached 'crisis point'. I think a lot of people probably saw it coming a long time before I did. I find it easy to do practical (cleaning/shopping), I can do hugs ..... what I find hard is the 'endless' organising, sorting, time off work ..... I often spend more time on mum's needs away from mum's (from paperwork for registered EPA, phone calls, arranging or reminding ..... through to preparing food etc) ... it is impacting my work life and my family life too much .....

    The impact of trying to keep someone 'independent' who is clearly not is a huge task .... someone once talked to me about 'running two houses' - well actually I don't - mum's is run to near perfection - mine falls round our ears because I have had enough once I have sorted for someone else ......

    What I have come to recognise is I need someone to do the 'easy bits' ... only I can do the others .... (the medical appointments, the EPA stuff) but if I can find a way for someone else to relieve me of 'chores' the tough stuff will gain a bit more of my attention and maybe not stress me out quite so much?

    Hope that makes sense ..... feel run ragged myself ... so probably not making much just now,

    Love, Karen, x
     

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