It Could Be a Lot Worse

plumbrite66

Registered User
Apr 18, 2013
32
0
nz
wife in very early stages,But one remark we get from some is ,Oh never mind it could be worse it could be Cancer which to me is a stupid thing to say as as much as I realise how bad Cancer is there often is a chance people get through it.people with Demention do not have that chance there is never ever any way Back,Sorry for my rant but felt it important enough to mention on here.
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,852
0
Hello plumbrite, yes that is a stupid thing to say. Or as someone said to me that 'it was easier if someone with dementia has cancer, because that person wouldn't understand or be aware of the implications.' The ignorance of some people is staggering.


turbo
 

plumbrite66

Registered User
Apr 18, 2013
32
0
nz
Thanks

Hello plumbrite, yes that is a stupid thing to say. Or as someone said to me that 'it was easier if someone with dementia has cancer, because that person wouldn't understand or be aware of the implications.' The ignorance of some people is staggering.


turbo
Thanks for your reply ,Yes its one statement I will never quite follow.
 

Pottypeg

Registered User
Aug 4, 2013
908
0
67
Ashbourne, Derbyshire
One comment I got from someone early on, when they asked how Mum & Dad were, I answered dads in an assessment unit, he has dementia, mum is in bits about it. Their reply was, what for it's not life threatening, like cancer.:eek::confused:

Anne
 

Grandma P

Registered User
Jan 30, 2014
115
0
North Sussex
wife in very early stages,But one remark we get from some is ,Oh never mind it could be worse it could be Cancer which to me is a stupid thing to say as as much as I realise how bad Cancer is there often is a chance people get through it.people with Demention do not have that chance there is never ever any way Back,Sorry for my rant but felt it important enough to mention on here.

Hi plumbrite......my Bill has only recently been officially diagnosed with AD. A friend was asking how he is doing, so I told her about the diagnosis. She was relieved - "at least its not something untoward" were her words........"not like a brain tumour". No, friend, it is not like a brain tumour it is like brain death!
Suppose I had to forgive her for her ignorance........did I actually know what AD truly involved when I was younger? Good luck and I hope if your wife is on medication it will make a difference.
Love to both of you,
Grandma P.
 

yecats

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
10
0
84
Tring
yecats

HiPlumbrite66
When I tell my sons that their father is getting more forgetful and when he gets frustrated he starts throwing things, their reply is "Well you knew he would get worse". This is because I was a warden of sheltered housing and had several with Alzheimer's, some did get very bad. The thing is I did not live with then 24/7. Ron goes to Day Centre and he loves the ladies, I am told he is always teasing them, sometimes going over the top.
Barbara
 

MeganCat

Registered User
Jan 29, 2013
358
0
South Wales
I think the fact that 'people' who haven't experienced it don't appreciate it as a terminal disease adds to the stress of it all and makes you feel all the more isolated - which is where this forum is a godsend

Many people think that eg my mum is just a little forgetful, saying silly things and needs help around the house - not the reality of not washing, not eating, living in a state that she would never in her right mind have accepted, paranoid to the point of blaming relatives of theft, withdrawing from everything, seeing people who are not there. You watch the person you love disappear before your eyes.

Cancers are horrific to go through, I'm sure, and thankfully increasingly not always terminal, but generally the people suffering remain themselves to a large degree to the very end.

Our grieving starts many years before the end unfortunately. You can't even put people right because it feels like a betrayal of the dementia patient themselves - sharing sensitive matters that they'd be upset about - no answers sorry, but a big hug x
 

copsham

Registered User
Oct 11, 2012
586
0
Oxfordshire
I had relatives telling me that "its just old age" as mum spiralled down with dementia. Once you get involved with the care of a relative with dementia it is such a steep learning curve. It seems impossible for someone with no or just a cursory interest to really, really understand. It is almost impossible to explain.

My mother has stock phrases like "how the family" "how the job" which superficially make her seem much more with it than she is - so i must be exaggerating it according to my uncle!
 

zeeeb

Registered User
Many people don't understand it, and how it can be so all-consuming.

I sometimes wish that my mum develops cancer so that she doesn't have to endure this for the next 15+ years. Alzheimers diagnosed at 57, Parkinsons at 58, she's just at the beginning now she's 59, and the mind and the body are slowly, but rapidly deteriorating. So, yeah, cancer is bad, but dementia can span into decades of un-relenting, deterioration and suffering.

My grandmother inlaw is 97 right now, she's had alzheimers longer than I've known her, probably close to 30 years!!! That is a hard core marathon.

Cancer sucks, dementia sucks, there's no point competing over which is worse. It hurts us all when our loved ones are suffering, end of story.
 

Padraig

Registered User
Dec 10, 2009
1,037
0
Hereford
If you had a choice of illness, I strongly recommend you do not pick stomach cancer. It has a 17% survival rate. Then, if you are fortunate to be suitable to undergo surgery, I can confirm that life becomes unbearable daily. I'm informed that I was very fortunate to have been selected for surgery considering my age, (I was then 79). It was said I had the body of a young man: my answer ;"He's not getting it back." By the way chronologically age does not determine the physical condition of the body.

Like AD I've approached it with the same mind-set. We all have to die, if one thing does not get you, another will. We are each allotted a period of time on the earth. All we can do is to make the very best of each moment. In my case I keep fighting and aim to run four miles each day. Some days I'm to ill, but I never wish to be dependant on others. Should this be my final day I'll know I did my best.
There's as many cancers as Dementias, maybe even more and some can be extremely painful. many of us fail to appreciate the most precious gift of 'time', it can't be bought nor made. It can be shared to create lasting memories.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
HiPlumbrite66
When I tell my sons that their father is getting more forgetful and when he gets frustrated he starts throwing things, their reply is "Well you knew he would get worse". This is because I was a warden of sheltered housing and had several with Alzheimer's, some did get very bad. The thing is I did not live with then 24/7. Ron goes to Day Centre and he loves the ladies, I am told he is always teasing them, sometimes going over the top.
Barbara

I posted on here a few weeks ago that the Manager of John's Day Centre called me in to tell me about his inappropriate behaviour, as he's developed more wandering hands than an octopus!

I once was told by a friend "well, when you married you promised you'd be there in sickness and in health, didn't you". :mad::mad::mad: I know that! It's just that as a young bride, I had a girlish vision of being like Milly Molly Mandy's grandparents, old and wrinkled, but still compos mentis, and no, Alzheimer's didn't figure in that dream!
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,513
0
Near Southampton
Hello plumbrite, yes that is a stupid thing to say. Or as someone said to me that 'it was easier if someone with dementia has cancer, because that person wouldn't understand or be aware of the implications.' The ignorance of some people is staggering.turbo
Oh so very true.
The registrar said to me when the consultant was about to tell Dave that he was about to amputate his leg at the upper thigh, that it was actually a good thing he had dementia as he would accept it better. Like he wouldn't know he was missing a leg?!
He cried.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
I've never had anybody say, oh dementia, that's not bad. Has anybody ever queried why 3rd person doesn't think it's bad? It's a living death for both carer and caree. Maybe two deaths for carer, as you lose your dared for to dementia, then they physically die. I know which is worse! Please excuse my bitterness, it's been a bad morning (and it's only 10:30!).
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,852
0
Oh so very true.
The registrar said to me when the consultant was about to tell Dave that he was about to amputate his leg at the upper thigh, that it was actually a good thing he had dementia as he would accept it better. Like he wouldn't know he was missing a leg?!
He cried.

Hello Saffie, that is appalling. I am lost for words that a doctor could say that to you.


turbo
 

Grandma P

Registered User
Jan 30, 2014
115
0
North Sussex
I posted on here a few weeks ago that the Manager of John's Day Centre called me in to tell me about his inappropriate behaviour, as he's developed more wandering hands than an octopus!

I once was told by a friend "well, when you married you promised you'd be there in sickness and in health, didn't you". :mad::mad::mad: I know that! It's just that as a young bride, I had a girlish vision of being like Milly Molly Mandy's grandparents, old and wrinkled, but still compos mentis, and no, Alzheimer's didn't figure in that dream!


Scarlett I want a "like" button as they have on facebook! I am trying so hard to make life bearable for myself - Bill is actually quite happy - and a bit of humour helps so much. Thank you for your good humour.
Grandma P.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
Scarlett I want a "like" button as they have on facebook! I am trying so hard to make life bearable for myself - Bill is actually quite happy - and a bit of humour helps so much. Thank you for your good humour.
Grandma P.

As long as we can hang on to humour, it keeps life that little bit more bearable. :)