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It’s all so strange

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
I have absolutely no idea of how to explain what is happening at the moment. I have no answers and am thoroughly confused.

Some time ago, my husband and I had a huge disagreement and his paranoia was absolutely at its worst. I have mentioned this on other threads and it was really awful. He didn’t talk to me for weeks, made comments about my family and generally his behaviour was the worst it had ever been. After two weeks of living in the freezer, I suggested to him that this was a bit ridiculous only to be told that it was all my fault.

I left him to it and went out every day. He is still able to care for himself so I refused to stick around and be bullied. I did some shopping, went for walks along the beach, had lunch ate a few of my favourite little eateries and I actually enjoyed it. I think he hated it. He had decided that he didn’t need me around so insisted on doing everything himself.

In the space of the next few days, it was as if a switch had been flipped inside his head and he has just about returned to the man I use to know years before AD influenced our lives. He has been helpful and considerate, his sense of humour is back and he is doing chores around the house.

We haven’t given each other birthday or Christmas gifts for years but I know that he got my granddaughter to go shopping with him and that he purchased some nice jewellery for me for Christmas. We went to a concert ’The Songs of Eva Cassidy’ one evening, had a lovely birthday dinner at my granddaughter’s house and have been out for lunch. He even comes and watches TV with me in the evenings, There are still the usual functional and memory problems but it’s the change in personality that has been so dramatic.

I have no idea of what caused this big flip and am very aware that I would be stupid to think that it will last. But this change has gone on for weeks and I find it so strange and quit incomprehensible. And dreading the day we go back to business as usual.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
75,836
0
Kent
It's unbelievable after all this time @lawson and making me wonder if he really doesn't`t have dementia.

is it possible your actions gave him such a shock the realisation of how he would be without you helped him evaluate his behaviour.

I doubt this would have been possible in a person with dementia.

I really hope it will last. It's still unbelievable.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
999
0
South east
@Lawson58 there is a great deal unknown about how our brains work or don’t work. Maybe his brain has created a new pathway in the frontal lobes making his behaviour more pleasant or maybe there was a blockage which may have cleared.
Anyway I hope he doesn’t revert to his unreasonable mode anytime soon.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,071
0
High Peak
Apart from his (welcome) change in attitude/behaviour towards you, has anything else changed? What about his memory, ability to perform tasks, understanding of instructions, etc, etc?

Is he really the same as the man you used to know or are you just seeing the improvement in mood?
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,214
0
@Lawson58 Years ago when I first got married I used to work for a boss who was just plain horrible to people, he would shout at us, in fact he was well known for lining up his staff and walking up and down berating us just like some sergeant major. Nobody liked him and he caused a few people to transfer to another hospital. I don't think he would get away with it nowadays. Anyway he had a funny episode while at work and we sent him to A&E It turned out that he had a small TIA and he was off work for weeks.

We prayed that he wouldn't come back because it was so nice without him but he did come back and from then on he was one of the nicest and kindest men that I ever knew. None of us could believe it but he stayed that way right up until he retired. We were honestly sorry to see him go.

Did he realise how horrible he was and just decided to amend he ways or was it more likely that the TIA flipped something in his brain and changed his character, I don't know and never will but it made so much difference to us who worked with him. It's just a thought that has come to me.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,256
0
Chester
I had a maths teacher when I was about 16 who was renown for shouting, going red in the face and generally most people were scared of him> He was off for a prolonged period following I think a heart attack when I was in lower 6th (now year 12) and when he returned he was a different person. He advised us that he had high blood pressure and had been told he had to be calmer, but with hindsight I can't believe that he could change that much without something else happening. This was mid 80s so certainly no counselling type support likely to have existed - mindfulness was more akin to mind your own business.

I also recall a friend of mine's father had parkinsons and was in a home, he made a comment that when his dad had a fall and banged his head he was normally with it again for a few days and they could go to the pub for a drink.

So it might be there has been a TIA that has created a new pathway, although how long it will last for .....

In the first few year's post diagnosis my mum always had an uptick in the late spring which lasted through to late autumn, which I presumed might be sunshine related - she always claimed she thought she had SAD of decades (as does my brother), although it could be a Vit D or other similar thing.

I'm presuming you are in latish spring there so this might help?
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
Apart from his (welcome) change in attitude/behaviour towards you, has anything else changed? What about his memory, ability to perform tasks, understanding of instructions, etc, etc?

Is he really the same as the man you used to know or are you just seeing the improvement in mood?
No, he is not the man I use to know, but he certainly is more like him. There are still numerous functional deficits which are very obvious to me and nothing has changed that way. Apart from his behaviour, I think the most startling difference is the return of his sense of humour. He has said to me in the past that he doesn’t fit in with my family but at his birthday dinner, he had everybody in stitches! He was fun to be with. And on the way home, he commented on how nice my family was.

Wait and see! Watch this space and I am not going to expect too much.
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
57
0
It has just come to me, my husband had some strange behaviour. He would become very argumentative for no reason. I year while on holiday, the first 2days he was awfull, then he was back to his kind self again. He is in a home, I phoned him up, he didn't want to talk to me, didn't know I was his wife, but knew my name. Could that have been Tia?
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
Apart from his (welcome) change in attitude/behaviour towards you, has anything else changed? What about his memory, ability to perform tasks, understanding of instructions, etc, etc?

Is he really the same as the man you used to know or are you just seeing the improvement in mood?
This seems to be different to just a change in mood and I cannot see anything physical that might have changed things for him.

For years, he had no empathy for me as either as his wife or carer and his world was one of complete self centredness. Now he seems to be really making an effort to be different to what he was, more than just being in a happy mood. If it hadn’t lasted as long as it has, I might have agreed with you.

He still has many things that he struggles with cognitively and I haven’t observed anything different in the areas that he has always found difficult. It would be nice to know.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
So my husband had his appointment with the geriatrician today and I was able to have a good chat with him while OH was doing the MMSE test.

As I suspected, he really has no idea of why my husband has had such a dramatic change in behaviour but thinks it is worth doing a PET scan to see if there is anything of significance.

The notes he included for PET scan referral make for an interesting read and as there is nothing to identify OH, I have attached a pic. We are waiting for a phone call for an appointment.
 

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Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
And things are getting even stranger. He is continuing to be pleasant and cooperative and I think I still can’t quite believe it. I am half expecting him to revert to what he’s been for the last few years.

But last night he wanted to talk about what happened when he had his cardiac arrest which is coming up to eight years ago in a week’s time. In the past, he has told other people the story about the events of that night but of course he doesn’t remember any of it so he is merely repeating the bare bones. He has never said that he was glad that I gave him CPR or that it might have had any sort of impact on me having to cope with such a traumatic situation. There was never acknowledgment of what it was like to resuscitate someone and he just didn’t seem to understand the enormity of that event for both of us. It seemed to be on the same level as having a hernia repair for him. No bIggy!!!!

Last night, he started asking me questions about the exact details of that night, did I feel panicky, what was going through my mind, what was I feeling.

So we had what I could only call an astonishing conversation followed by recognition of what a horrible time it was and he doubted that he could have coped at all. He was thoughtful and seemed to really want to know and I really can’t recall the last time that we talked together like this. I get the feeling that he is seeing me as me for the first time in years.

PET scan is on Thursday and he has a follow up appointment with the consultant the week after.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,214
0
It's two weeks since you first posted about this @Lawson58 so perhaps there has been some kind of brain flip, it is all very strange. See what the scan brings but I hope that his improvement continues.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,071
0
High Peak
I don't mean to be flippant but as you say, it is really weird. I like @Duggies-girl 's description of a 'brain flip'. Or maybe it's like the earth suddenly reversing its polarity. Did you switch him off then switch him on again so that all his brainwaves have re-set? Must be very hard to get used to - I bet you're just waiting for him to flip back.

I really hope you find out what's going on. Maybe the PET scan will throw some light on it... but I imagine not. The brain is a strange, mysterious and complicated thing...
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,050
0
North West
He is clearly able to disinhibit thoughts, which would be inpossible in someone with the damage caused by dementia??? There are still a lot of unknowns I guess.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,129
0
South coast
Sometimes with dementia the brain can find a route around the damage - a bit like a detour when a fallen tree has blocked a road. It can take a long time for the brain to find this route and its a bit like going through a maze and keep finding dead end, but once the route has been found the brain can continue using it (at least until that route gets damaged too)
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
I don't mean to be flippant but as you say, it is really weird. I like @Duggies-girl 's description of a 'brain flip'. Or maybe it's like the earth suddenly reversing its polarity. Did you switch him off then switch him on again so that all his brainwaves have re-set? Must be very hard to get used to - I bet you're just waiting for him to flip back.

I really hope you find out what's going on. Maybe the PET scan will throw some light on it... but I imagine not. The brain is a strange, mysterious and complicated thing...
Not flippant all🤪.

And at the moment, he is not showing any signs of reversing so I am enjoying it for as long as it lasts. He asked about five times today what the date was and because he is being so nice, it didn’t bother me a bit. It is much easier to be patient with him while he is in his present frame of mind.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the PET scan showed a little button I could press to keep him as he is?
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
It's two weeks since you first posted about this @Lawson58 so perhaps there has been some kind of brain flip, it is all very strange. See what the scan brings but I hope that his improvement continues.
He’d been like this a couple of weeks before I posted and I think it took me that long to believe that he really was being different.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,788
0
Victoria, Australia
OH had his PET scan this morning and this the Christmas decoration in the waiting room. I thought that it was hilarious, lovely bit if dark humour.
 

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