Issues with Mail Order purchases

[lollipop2]

Hi
This is my first contact on this forum. My husband has early stage Alziemers. He loves buying on Mail Order but it is getting out of control. He is buying stuff willy nilly mostly stuff we already have and it is playing havoc on the bank account. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I can do. I have been told I can put up two step authorisation but I don't now if it works. Please Help Lesley

 

[AliceA]

I understand that two step means that you will get a text or phone call with a four digit code that you enter before the order is accepted.
This happens on other sites.
I bought my husband his own tablet but I put parental controls in place, this depends on what stage your husband is at. My husband was aware I had done this I said it was to keep the bank account safe. He was in favour of this, I blamed scammers too.
I did have a shock when I had a large shock via Kindle. At the end of reading book there was an option to buy further books, my husband did not realise that by clicking on a book to look he automatically purchased it. I was able to get a refund on these, one click is a problem
I had dismantled it in settings on the Amazon site.
One of the Carers said that try as she might her young son evaded all the safeguards!
I feel for you. Others may have better advice.

 

[canary]

Oh gosh, I remember the stage of massive buying of random ****!
Im afraid I dont have an answer, but I wanted to say that you are not alone

I put parental controls on at the wifi, but this was to stop payment for porn sites. I didnt stop generalised purchases as I needed to buy stuff that we genuinely needed, so I just returned as much as I could (fortunately, most of it was returnable) and had a word with the bank about stopping bank transfers, because OH was giving money away, too. We lost several thousand pounds before that stage passed. ??

 

[Weasell]

I consistently and continually use love lies and therapeutic untruths.
I find it is the only way to have any peace and happiness.

I would fabricate some tale as to why we could not order from Mail Order any more.
In my case anything ‘we ‘ wanted to buy would be requested from my son in law with us paying him. His Amazon prime free delivery would be a major selling point.
in time it will not only be Amazon that causes problems it will get worse.
The reason I would do this is I think you will have an argument on your hands if you should decline to give him the code required to purchase.

Do try not say ‘no’ remember it is always later, or tomorrow !

you need to get Call blocking controls put on the telephone or he is going to get scammed.
My mother ordered over five thousand pounds of spray roof insulation the property didn’t even need, and she won’t give the grandchildren five pounds ( because she needs to look after her money)!!

If he likes to order books then Download BorrowBox or Libby apps for him.
They are completely free, you just submit your library card number. you can borrow talking books or normal books.

I feel sad for your husband he must feel as though he is losing control, to press buy on Amazon is so rewarding and then the item turns up.

I tried to find the link to compassionate communication but failed again. You can put it in the search bar at the top of the page, or someone else reading your post may be able to help?

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

here’s the link to compassionate communication I hope you find it useful

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Weasell]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

here’s the link to compassionate communication I hope you find it useful

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Many thanks

 

[Agzy]

My OH, Pauline, has no idea about accessing the internet but (prior to lockdown) she knew all about accessing the shops and buying cleaning materials by way of contactless card use. Since her bad turn in Feb/March not a single cleaning item bought and still enough in stock to run a shop. Two main blessings, still got hand-wash containers spare and half a dozen toilet rolls! She was hoarding before it became a national pastime. No idea what wil happen when we start shopping again

 

[maryjoan]

Not alone at all..... my PWD recently won some money on the Post Code Lottery and it went straight into his pocket money account over which I do not have control, as it usually has no more than £60 in. Suddenly it had £2000.
He started to order stuff when I was in bed asleep - some of you might remember this.....

1 x £500 bike - which he has kept
1 x £400 laptop which he sold locally for £180 (unused)
8 x £20 children's purple headsets
2 x £60 men's watches
4 x £8 books of music
3 x further £380 laptops
1x £500 piano.....

and a partridge in a pear tree...........

I didn't realise so many others do the same......... so Amazon and other online stores must be used to it!!!!

 

[Weasell]

Not alone at all..... my PWD recently won some money on the Post Code Lottery and it went straight into his pocket money account over which I do not have control, as it usually has no more than £60 in. Suddenly it had £2000.
He started to order stuff when I was in bed asleep - some of you might remember this.....

1 x £500 bike - which he has kept
1 x £400 laptop which he sold locally for £180 (unused)
8 x £20 children's purple headsets
2 x £60 men's watches
4 x £8 books of music
3 x further £380 laptops
1x £500 piano.....

and a partridge in a pear tree...........

I didn't realise so many others do the same......... so Amazon and other online stores must be used to it!!!!

Men are so selfish sometimes
I would like £500 of Elemis skincare if anyone was ordering !
I wonder what other carers would like ?

 

[Banjomansmate]

Men are so selfish sometimes
I would like £500 of Elemis skincare if anyone was ordering !
I wonder what other carers would like ?

?

 

[Star of the Orient]

I was shocked reading this. Bankrupted by unneeded items. My husband has other issues but not this one. I may have this one though. It is really treating myself. So far I only purchase ebay goodies which are very cheap and related to my love of vintage items and are related to a craft I actually do. But I have grown to love getting little packets mostly very attractively wrapped inside their recycled envelopes and boxes. Mostly old and once loved items. Well I feel a little old at times and I would like to be much loved but dream on eh.
May I share an alternative view - do you think your partner may just want a surprise, a feeling of having enough, being filled up with something good, even new loo paper, like hoarding. Buying off Amazon has to stop but what more harmless way could the need be met. I even like the postman knocking on the door with my packages.
We don't get any visitors even before lockdown, as my partner can be so rude to people and they just stopped coming. I can limit my ordering and reason why I am doing it which helps. Is there any cheaper way to satisfy the need for plenty.
Please excuse me if this off beam. I just thought it helpful to share my own ordering of the internet.
Good Luck

 

[canary]

@Star of the Orient - it was the actual buying, the point at which you pressed the buy button that did it for OH. Wanting a package delivered was too far ahead for him to think about. In fact, sometimes things arrived for him and he didnt even open it. It was all in the here and now - he would be looking/surfing sites, see something and want it. So he had to have it. Right then. By the time it arrived he may even have forgotten that he had ordered it. It was difficult to see how something else could be substituted.

 

[UncleZen]

My wife who has recent tly been diagnosed with alzheimer's orders stuff from the internet, forgets shes ordered it and orders it again. I've lost cout of the times I've noticed this and cancelled items before dispatch. She also doesnt check where the seller is. Sometimes they're in china and charge in dollars and are virtually impossible to communicate with. I am presently trying to get a refund on a Chinese order where she accidentally clicked add to the basket 4 times. The package is currently sitting at the post office awaiting an import duty payment!

 

[jennifer1967]

ive been buying books upon books my obsession i only buy within my budget but it doesnt feel like paying with money my husband cant do it but hes getting me to get more clothes. amazon is addictive

 

[Lirene]

My husband tried to import a horse - to give away to someone - we lost 12,000.00! He phones estate agents wanting to buy properties at over 500,000.00 which he wants to turn into caravan sites. properties for us to move into priced at millions! Boats, factories , rich quick schemes.
Shares, gold coins - you name it he wants to buy it. Loads of people ring saying he’s agreed different things to view, buy etc,. and not all of these people understand when I tell them his problems! Any ideas how to stop him gratefully received!

 

[Banjomansmate]

Oh dear, the Internet is down , the router doesn’t seem to be working at the moment!

 

[Lirene]

Xx

 

[Weasell]

My husband tried to import a horse - to give away to someone - we lost 12,000.00! He phones estate agents wanting to buy properties at over 500,000.00 which he wants to turn into caravan sites. properties for us to move into priced at millions! Boats, factories , rich quick schemes.
Shares, gold coins - you name it he wants to buy it. Loads of people ring saying he’s agreed different things to view, buy etc,. and not all of these people understand when I tell them his problems! Any ideas how to stop him gratefully received!

Busy laughing at the horse !
Then the truth of the situation sunk in, how you must be scared of the phone ringing and what it will bring.
How being the ’bad policemen’ all the time and having to explain why schemes won’t work must be just terrible and very depressing.
What type of dementia did they diagnose as a matter of interest?

 

[Weasell]

Busy laughing at the horse !
Then the truth of the situation sunk in, how you must be scared of the phone ringing and what it will bring.
How being the ’bad policemen’ all the time and having to explain why schemes won’t work must be just terrible and very depressing.
What type of dementia did they diagnose as a matter of interest?

The reason I was asking about the type of dementia, is fronttotemporal dementia is one dementia that can promote impulsive and risk taking behaviours.
I have cut and paste a little bit of the text from a Cambridge university study done in 2015. The point of showing you is there may be a medication that is designed to help with the behaviours you have posted?

A team led by Dr James Rowe from the University of Cambridge and the Medical Research Council (MRC) Cognition and Brain Sciences Unit at Cambridge looked at whether citalopram, a commonly-prescribed antidepressant, might restore the brain function – and potentially alleviate the symptoms of disinhibition. Citalopram is known to restore levels of serotonin, even in patients who do not have depression; this increase in serotonin helps the brain activity needed make decisions about what to do, and what not to do.

 

[Lirene]

Hi, and thank you for your reply. My husband has dementia which is linked to him also having advanced Parkinson’s. After having a number if falls he broke the same hip twice, he now cannot walk at all. He was in hospital for 7 months and came home beginning of February. He is looked after by the wonderful Extensive Care Team, two carers come to shower him but the rest of the time it’s just me. Life is so difficult for so many, all are in my prayers xx