Isn't This Horrible !?

Ernest

Registered User
Jan 23, 2018
99
I'm writing this in the hopes of feeling better afterwards! My husband has been in a very nice CH for almost 2years. It's close to where he and I have lived for over 30 years , just the two of us and not being apart for any length of time. I miss him dreadfully anyway, but now I can't see him at all it's so horrible. His FTD has been part of our lives for 13 years and I just can't break away from the routine of looking out for him. I'm lucky to work in a supermarket part time, so that takes my mind off him for part of the time. I really wonder how those of you with OH's in a CH who are now findng yourselves with time on your hands, are coping? I do speak to him on the phone a couple of times a week but it's only been 2 weeks and already he's beginning to show signs of being fed up at not seeing me. He's aware of Corona Virus and the lock down but his awareness of length of time isn't good. I'm worried about how he's going to be 8 or more weeks on. I know there's nothing anyone can do and I'm confident that his carers are doing their very best for him but I do know that he doesn't tell them if he's feeling upset or anything. When he's asked he'll just smile sweetly and say everything's fine but on the phone he tells me he's bored. He's his own worst enemy in a way as he's very independent, not very sociable or interested in anything much. This means he sits in his room and watches TV all day. Sometimes when I ring, I only ring twice a week, he tells me he's gone back to bed as there nothing else to do. It just makes me so sad to think of him there. I miss giving him a hug and him hugging me back. I worry that he might not remember me when we get through this. He does have photos of us together in his room though and I send him silly little love notes once a week!!. Trying to keep bright and breezy and my composure on the phone when he says he just wants to see me is so hard, but then you all know this! The CH have set up a video call thing, I'm not up with all this tech stuff, but as I don't own a suitable phone to access it I'm not able to do that. I could update my good old, Nokia text and talk phone I suppose but I wonder if it would be more upsetting if he actually saw me, but I'm not physically there. Anyway, I'll ponder on that when and if the carers think I should. Thank you for reading this and my thoughts are with you all. Take very good care of yourselves. Xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,858
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read of your situation @Ernest. It really is heartbreaking. I hope that sharing here, amongst people who will understand, helps even just a little.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
199
thats really horrible for you. wont he sit in a room with other residents watching tv. you said hes not very socialable so could he not sit in a corner so he dont need to talk to them if he doesnt want to.
 

Ernest

Registered User
Jan 23, 2018
99
thats really horrible for you. wont he sit in a room with other residents watching tv. you said hes not very socialable so could he not sit in a corner so he dont need to talk to them if he doesnt want to.
Hi jennifer. Thanks for this but no, he won't go up to the lounge. I have tried but in a way I can see why. He's the youngest one there. 73, and has remarked when I have been there for lunch and got him up to the dining room, " they're all doo lally here" I've just got to let the carers care and stop worrying and trying to fix things . Thank you to everyone on TP. It's such a support. Xx
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
52
Bristol
I'm writing this in the hopes of feeling better afterwards! My husband has been in a very nice CH for almost 2years. It's close to where he and I have lived for over 30 years , just the two of us and not being apart for any length of time. I miss him dreadfully anyway, but now I can't see him at all it's so horrible. His FTD has been part of our lives for 13 years and I just can't break away from the routine of looking out for him. I'm lucky to work in a supermarket part time, so that takes my mind off him for part of the time. I really wonder how those of you with OH's in a CH who are now findng yourselves with time on your hands, are coping? I do speak to him on the phone a couple of times a week but it's only been 2 weeks and already he's beginning to show signs of being fed up at not seeing me. He's aware of Corona Virus and the lock down but his awareness of length of time isn't good. I'm worried about how he's going to be 8 or more weeks on. I know there's nothing anyone can do and I'm confident that his carers are doing their very best for him but I do know that he doesn't tell them if he's feeling upset or anything. When he's asked he'll just smile sweetly and say everything's fine but on the phone he tells me he's bored. He's his own worst enemy in a way as he's very independent, not very sociable or interested in anything much. This means he sits in his room and watches TV all day. Sometimes when I ring, I only ring twice a week, he tells me he's gone back to bed as there nothing else to do. It just makes me so sad to think of him there. I miss giving him a hug and him hugging me back. I worry that he might not remember me when we get through this. He does have photos of us together in his room though and I send him silly little love notes once a week!!. Trying to keep bright and breezy and my composure on the phone when he says he just wants to see me is so hard, but then you all know this! The CH have set up a video call thing, I'm not up with all this tech stuff, but as I don't own a suitable phone to access it I'm not able to do that. I could update my good old, Nokia text and talk phone I suppose but I wonder if it would be more upsetting if he actually saw me, but I'm not physically there. Anyway, I'll ponder on that when and if the carers think I should. Thank you for reading this and my thoughts are with you all. Take very good care of yourselves. Xx
My mum moved into a care home last October. My 85 year old dad visited everyday until the lockdown and misses seeing her dreadfully but if you do have the option of using a smart device to see your husband’s face, I really think it could be good for both of you.
dad has two Skype calls with mum who we thought would decline rapidly not seeing us regularly, we have been pleasantly surprised to see her smiling and happy! Oddly enough mum was always very private but is described by the Carers as a social butterfly who also describes her fellow residents as ‘loopy’!
I know it is still early days but would recommend video calls if you can.
Take care, let’s hope for all our loved ones that we start to see a decline in the infection rate very soon.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,266
South coast
he won't go up to the lounge.
For some reason, wanting to stay on your own tends to be an FTD "thing"
My OH is still at home, but he likes to spend his whole day in the conservatory, in silence, on his own, scrolling through his tablet. When he went into respite he never went into the lounge either, he just stayed in his room.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,390
Nottinghamshire
For some reason, wanting to stay on your own tends to be an FTD "thing"
My OH is still at home, but he likes to spend his whole day in the conservatory, in silence, on his own, scrolling through his tablet. When he went into respite he never went into the lounge either, he just stayed in his room.
I didn’t know that @canary. My dad didn’t have a diagnosis of FTD but I always felt that the presentation of his Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia had strong traits of FTD Presumably because it hit that area of his brain. He went from being friendly and outgoing to introverted and grumpy quite early on. I’d always assumed it was because he couldn’t follow the rapid conversation that tended to happen with family get togethers.
He spent a lot of his time in his own room at the carehome too.