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Is this transition period always so heartrending?


Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
South of the Border
Some progress seems to be made with OH's future.
He is currently in respite at a local wonderful care home - he seems not too fussed about when he 'comes home' though he has mentioned it.

Social services wanted to put him into sheltered housing in the largest town in the area some 18 miles away with no transport links to our village. This is a town he does not know at all, nor does he know anyone. I have no car, so would not be able to visit easily.

I am in despair.

So I start researching and discover a supported living home just 10 miles away in a small town we both know very well, having lived there. And there is a bus service to the village.
Yesterday, the manager had a phone consultation with the manager of the care home, and then suggested a 4 week trial stay at the sheltered living to see how OH fits in.
The two managers seem very capable and obviously experienced in this kind of transition, and for the first time in weeks, I was quite relaxed last night.
Until OH phoned me, and told me about what he was going to do when he came home.
Anguished night's sleep with all sorts going round in my head as to how to make him understand what is happening.
But he doesn't understand.
This morning, I tried to explain that we have to do what social services say and take their advice- and he just shrugged it off with an 'OK'.
So I am fraught, and worried, he is happy and unconcerned.
Will our two worlds ever collide again? I think not. So, this morning, I am just letting the world drift by and letting the managers work things between them.


Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
That is tough @maryjoan , but it sounds like you've found an option that could work, unlike the one the social workers came up with. It's great that your OH seems so relaxed about it all, so if you can I'd just try and follow suit and take each day as it comes. Much harder to do than say I know.
What happened to the idea that your OH might go and live near his children. Is that still a possibility?
Wishing you all the strength in the world. Don't forget you are important too,


Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
N Ireland
That sounds very positive for you @maryjoan and I hope you can see it through for both your sakes.

To answer your question I would say "yes, it's always heartrending". I was unable to go through with the suggestion of respite last summer but I hope I can be stronger next time.

Please accept a virtual (((HUG)))