Is this time for care home?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by avalon, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. avalon

    avalon Registered User

    Aug 15, 2016
    My mum was diagnosed 2 years ago and has appeared to cope reasonably well with visits from me 2 to 3 times a day and a day centre 3 times a week. However this week she has been ill with a chest infection. We moved her to our house and I realise just how little she us coping she even has sites where she has sat in wet pads. I suggested that I would get her carers to help with personal hygiene but she cried and had a panic attack. It is not an option to stay with us but I dread to think how she would react to being in care. I just feel that we can't cope much longer. She will be self funding and the social service s have not given any help at all.
  2. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    I think it's quite common for the deterioration to become suddenly apparent when the person is out of their home environment, and it sounds as if the time has come to organise some additional daily care. My mother was also self funding and over the course of 18 months I increased her care at home from four hours a day to six hours a day. The 'care' was to do practical things but also just to keep her company as she was anxious when left alone.

    I found it best not to discuss the options with her, I just went ahead and did it. When presenting any changes I put on my game face and was cheerful and positive about it - if I showed I was upset or uncertain it would immediately upset her, she needed reassurance everything was 'okay'. I never mentioned the word carer, I just said a nice lady was coming to help her. When the time came for a care home, again I didn't tell her in advance because it would have made her very distressed and anxious, I organised it and told her she was going on a short break. After a few weeks settling in she told me she loved it, and 9 months later it's genuinely her new home and she's happy there.

    And yes I agree - social services drop you like hot brick when they know you are self funding, you have to do it all yourself. However that does at least mean you get the choice of what type of care you provide, and what care home you choose.
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    It's probably time to try two or three weeks respite but with a view to a longer stay if it works out. Start looking for a suitable home and put her name on a waiting list even if you don't end up taking up the offer.
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    If your mum has a chest infection it could be making her confusion worse and she may pick up a little when she's better. Having said that I think now is a good time to introduce carers. I managed to find a very good small care agency and I didn't discuss it with dad just presented them in a positive way saying that they were coming to help out in the mornings. Really he needed help with personal care due to his incontinence but I didn't mention that to dad. I was surprised at how easily he accepted them and how much more relaxed he was. We eventually went up to 4 visits a day before a huge downturn put him in a Carehome. By this point I was considering wether to try a Carehome anyway.

    In dad's case there were only about 2 months between introducing carers (I'd been going 2-3 times a day before) and him needing full time care but I feel it got him used to accepting help from people other than me.
  5. arielsmelody

    arielsmelody Registered User

    Jul 16, 2015
    I think it's quite a bit of a jump from 'coping reasonably well at home' to a care home. Although she didn't like the idea of carers, maybe if you introduced them gently she would get used to them gradually. If you are nearby, perhaps if you could be there the first few times, and say 'oh here is someone to help' and she was reassured that you were there too, it would be OK. The carers that I've met looking after my parents have been lovely, and are happy to chat away during the visits so it's social as well. It's not perfect, but it's worth a try before making the big decision to move to a care home.
  6. avalon

    avalon Registered User

    Aug 15, 2016
    Since starting this thread events have mived rapidly. When her chest infection was diagnosed the Dr saud my mums heart rate was erratic so ordered an ECG. This was done lunch time yesterday and within an hour we were in recuss at our local hospital. Her heart rate was over 170. She has been stabilized but it was so difficult she got so upset pulling out her cannula. It was very stressful seeing her so distressed. She is now very confused and living in bed demanding help even to turn over. It is hard to believe she will be able to cope come on her own again

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