Is this the final phase for my father?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by vgulla, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. vgulla

    vgulla Registered User

    Sep 21, 2015
    4
    Hello All
    I have been following these forums for few months now and they have been extremely helpful especially because here in India, there is very little support or counselling for the caregivers from the doctors.

    To cut the long story short, after the most recent stroke followed by seizures 7 weeks ago, my father's doctor and us decided he has reached the terminal stage and to continue palliative care at home. These strokes and seizures left him completely bed ridden and doubly incontinent.
    It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. His food intake has gradually come down and for the last 15 days or so, he is just having either 2-3 spoons of ensure or yoghurt per meal. For the last 5 days, he is having even that just once a day.
    Last week he seems to have some wierd sleep-awake cycles with being in deep sleep for 36-48 hours followed by 36 hours of being awake, agitated and restless. Since then, his intake has come down even more. Doctor suggested we give him ativan along with Risperidone at night to calm him so he will sleep. That seemed to have helped.. however, he is now completed knocked off not even waking up when we give sponge bath or change his diapers.
    His urine output has significantly come down.
    We are not sure what to expect.. and I feel guilty thinking this way but, how long should he hang like this..when he clearly has no quality of life?
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.
    Unfortunately nobody can answer the how long question.
     
  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    Hello....sorry that you Dad's condition has deteriorated.
    Although I'm not a medic, it does sound to me as if the end may be approaching. ....and no you are not evil to be thinking and planning ahead. I found it helped me to face my Mum's death by being practical.

    Naturally his urine utput will be low because he is not taking in enough fluids, soft, pureed fruit, ice cream or jelly might help a bit to boost his levels, but if he won't take in liquids you can't force him. I found using a baby's sipping spouted cup helped, because Mum could suck on the spout even lying down. I could even get her to drink tea You can moisten his mouth by giving him little sponges to suck on.
    My own feelings would be that if Dad is peaceful and painfree, then this would be a kind end. Unfortunately, and regrettably, there is no time scale that I can give you.
    Thinking of you ...love Maureen.x
     
  4. vgulla

    vgulla Registered User

    Sep 21, 2015
    4
    Renal failure

    Thank you for your comforting words. Dad still is pretty knocked off.. with very little urine output. He is not able to swallow and doctors advised not to force feed since they think he might be in end stage renal failure.
    We are hoping he continues to be comfortable and peaceful.
     
  5. AndreaP

    AndreaP Registered User

    This must be a very sad situation for you. I do so hope his suffering is soon over, for everyone's sake. Thinking of you and hoping for the best.
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    Hi
    Sounds similar to OH. Although the day before the end he had massive urine output no one could understand. He supposedly got a chest infection, so he didn't last long, but this is not always the case.
    Wishing you good luck.
     
  7. vgulla

    vgulla Registered User

    Sep 21, 2015
    4
    1 week since he woke up

    So, my father slept on tuesday night (22nd) and hasn;t woken up since. He is not able to swallow drops of water also since 26th and has been semi-conscious. Doctor put urine catheter to relieve the abdomen distention. Urine output has almost stopped for 4 days now with about 20-30ml of dark colored coming. His breathing is loud with on and off wet coughs
    Hate to see him like this.. but, how much longer before he is at peace?
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    (((hugs))))
    I do not think it will be much longer now from what you have said - especially with the breathing.
    This is the last final vigil
     
  9. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    It is impssible to say how long....he must be a strong minded person.
    I have sat in your seat and all I can say is laugh, talk aloud and remember, let him sense that he is with you. He will let go when it's time.x.x.
     
  10. vgulla

    vgulla Registered User

    Sep 21, 2015
    4
    It's over

    So, my father passed on 29th Sept. The last 12 hours were particularly hard to see him with his labored breathing (death rattle is apparently the official term for it) but the doctors assured us that he was not feeling as much as the distress we felt. Well, anyway.. the last breath seemed peaceful and we sure hope he is in a better place now rejoining my mother who left us 7 years ago.
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Condolences to you and your family, Vgulla. I expect your Mum was waiting for your Dad with open arms.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  12. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry Vgulla xx
     
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Please accept my condolences.
    The long wait is over. Be gentle with yourself now
    xx
     

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