Is this possible

[Jools62]

My Mum has Dementia, she is 89 years old,lives on her own, quite frail, uses a stick to walk, she has carers 3 times a day for 2 hours who help her wash and dress cleaning cooking etc, she doesn’t sleep in her bed. What I would like to know is this and no accusations have been made with regard to what I say next. Money has been going missing, she insists she hasn’t had it but she would ask the carer to take her to get money out - problems followed couldn’t remember PIN number so would then go into bank which has now been stopped but money is left to pay for her Gardner every other week it is placed in cupboards which she cannot reach without climbing on a chair or small steps ie her perching stool. Is it possible for her to do this. Could she revert back to her old self and be able to do this. We are at a loss as to what’s going on and this is the only thing I could think of. Thank you for your time and responses.

 

[Duggies-girl]

My Mum has Dementia, she is 89 years old,lives on her own, quite frail, uses a stick to walk, she has carers 3 times a day for 2 hours who help her wash and dress cleaning cooking etc, she doesn’t sleep in her bed. What I would like to know is this and no accusations have been made with regard to what I say next. Money has been going missing, she insists she hasn’t had it but she would ask the carer to take her to get money out - problems followed couldn’t remember PIN number so would then go into bank which has now been stopped but money is left to pay for her Gardner every other week it is placed in cupboards which she cannot reach without climbing on a chair or small steps ie her perching stool. Is it possible for her to do this. Could she revert back to her old self and be able to do this. We are at a loss as to what’s going on and this is the only thing I could think of. Thank you for your time and responses.

My dad is the same, 88 years old, walks with a stick but I am his only carer. Yes he would be quiet capable of getting his ladder out if I hadn't confiscated it and he would climb on a chair if he thought he needed to. He thinks he can still do everything he used to. I found him hammering a nail into his wall recently to hang his hat on. It is a worry but I cannot be there 24/7

 

[karaokePete]

I too would think it possible.

Secreting money is a well known issue. Not being able to find the money again and thinking it's stolen is also a known issue.

 

[Jools62]

Hi
Thank you for responding. It has really helped, my brother is in denial of everything, all he sees is a little old lady who totters about and has help getting over the step. Too many things have gone on for my Mum not to have done it. Thanks again for your help xx

 

[Jools62]

Hi
Thank you for responding. It has really helped, my brother is in denial of everything, all he sees is a little old lady who totters about and has help getting over the step. Too many things have gone on for my Mum not to have done it. Thanks again for your help xx

I too would think it possible.

Secreting money is a well known issue. Not being able to find the money again and thinking it's stolen is also a known issue.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Jools62
might you get a lockable metal box and give one key to the gardener, so they can access the money but your mum cannot, and leave the box out of sight but low down - if your mum is climbing on furniture, and my dad also did some pretty amazing feats, it is an accident waiting to happen, which is a worry
and if you leave notes not coins, the box won't rattle if shaken, to tempt her to try to get in
might be worth mentioning to the carers so they are aware to keep an eye out for her trying out any more gymnastics

 

[canary]

Its amazing what they can do when they are "on a mission"

My mum would have done this too. She used to walk really slowly with a stick and would be constantly telling you to slow down when you were walking with her; but when she got this compulsion to "go home" she could be out of the door and up the road quicker than Usain Bolt .

She also used to "put money away to keep it safe" - aka hiding it. When I cleared her bungalow I was amazed at the hundreds of pounds in cash, plus a load of other important items, that I found in truly bizarre places.

I think it would be a good idea to find another way to pay her gardener.

 

[Sarasa]

My mother hides things (or keeps them 'safe') and then thinks they've been stolen. Logic seems to go totally out of the window. Is it more likely that someone with poor eyesight just can't see the earring they took of the night before, or did a neighbour come in in the middle of the night and take it. If your my mum, it's the latter option.
If your mum knows the money is there it is quite likely she's put it somewhere else to keep it safe. My mum's knicker drawer is where I find a lot of things.

 

[Rosettastone57]

My Mum has Dementia, she is 89 years old,lives on her own, quite frail, uses a stick to walk, she has carers 3 times a day for 2 hours who help her wash and dress cleaning cooking etc, she doesn’t sleep in her bed. What I would like to know is this and no accusations have been made with regard to what I say next. Money has been going missing, she insists she hasn’t had it but she would ask the carer to take her to get money out - problems followed couldn’t remember PIN number so would then go into bank which has now been stopped but money is left to pay for her Gardner every other week it is placed in cupboards which she cannot reach without climbing on a chair or small steps ie her perching stool. Is it possible for her to do this. Could she revert back to her old self and be able to do this. We are at a loss as to what’s going on and this is the only thing I could think of. Thank you for your time and responses.

My MIL has a gardener. I pay him online and my MIL has no access to cash which she can hide away.

 

[canary]

My mum's knicker drawer is where I find a lot of things.

What is it about knicker drawers? Thats where I used to find a lot of mums things too.

 

[Jools62]

My MIL has a gardener. I pay him online and my MIL has no access to cash which she can hide away.

Hi
I never thought of that. I’ll get my daughter to speak to him. My mum has caused so many problems over money. My brother is frightened to say No to her and has adopted this it’s her money, yes it is but it is paying for her care. Now that’s another story

 

[Jools62]

What is it about knicker drawers? Thats where I used to find a lot of mums things too.

Looked in there no money ☹️

 

[Jools62]

Its amazing what they can do when they are "on a mission"

My mum would have done this too. She used to walk really slowly with a stick and would be constantly telling you to slow down when you were walking with her; but when she got this compulsion to "go home" she could be out of the door and up the road quicker than Usain Bolt .

She also used to "put money away to keep it safe" - aka hiding it. When I cleared her bungalow I was amazed at the hundreds of pounds in cash, plus a load of other important items, that I found in truly bizarre places.

I think it would be a good idea to find another way to pay her gardener.

Thank you. I knew I wasn’t going mad when I suggested this to my brother. I keep telling him to come here, ask questions read what people say but a year on he is still in ‘denial’ as I call it. He laughed at me told me I was daft when I said about her climbing he said she can’t get over the step without help laughing. I felt 2 inch’s tall. My daughter is like a bloodhound if it’s lost she finds it but with this nothing!

 

[canary]

Looked in there no money ☹️

Ill bet there are stashes around somewhere, though. I was amazed what I found in startnge places when I cleared mums home: bills "posted" between the towels in the airing cupboard, deeds of the house stuffed behind a chest of drawers, her will in with the best table linen, other important documents sandwiched between books in the bookcase, money in the knicker drawer and her shoes and an expensive piece of jewellery put in the bottom of her tea caddy with tea-bags placed on top. I nearly ditched the whole thing, but luckily thought I she wouldnt mind if I made myself some tea.

 

[Jools62]

hi @Jools62
might you get a lockable metal box and give one key to the gardener, so they can access the money but your mum cannot, and leave the box out of sight but low down - if your mum is climbing on furniture, and my dad also did some pretty amazing feats, it is an accident waiting to happen, which is a worry
and if you leave notes not coins, the box won't rattle if shaken, to tempt her to try to get in
might be worth mentioning to the carers so they are aware to keep an eye out for her trying out any more gymnastics

Yes I think I that is a good idea.

 

[Jools62]

Ill bet there are stashes around somewhere, though. I was amazed what I found in startnge places when I cleared mums home: bills "posted" between the towels in the airing cupboard, deeds of the house stuffed behind a chest of drawers, her will in with the best table linen, other important documents sandwiched between books in the bookcase, money in the knicker drawer and her shoes and an expensive piece of jewellery put in the bottom of her tea caddy with tea-bags placed on top. I nearly ditched the whole thing, but luckily thought I she wouldnt mind if I made myself some tea.

Good thing you like tea. Also if she sees you looking she takes umbridge and starts getting nasty and she is nasty. She doesn’t sleep at night, she walks the halls, she has recently flooded the bathroom again, scared her carer walking out the bathroom naked, oh the joy goes on and on and the places that things are find is mind boggling and then there what is found. I know in her mind she is doing things normally but for us it’s shocking and sad. Thank you

 

[Margi29]

Just had a read through this thread, you have my total sympathy

The amount of items, money, jewellery etc... that has been lost stolen are amazing.

Accusations galore

Bank books in tea caddy, remote controls under bed, purse in freezer.... the list goes on

I used to worry, and think mum may be having money taken, but no, she , we suspect has either hid it or given it away .

Regarding money now, each week mum has maybe 4 £5 notes in her purse, it's to pay for hairdresser and little bits she spends at sheltered housing complex she lives in ie quiz raffle tickets etc...
It probably sounds awful and mean been so controlling over mums money but it has become the only way.

I hate this dementia journey.

 

[mumsgone]

Hi all, my mum was the same could hardly walk but as you say when she was on a mission to do something the overdrive kicked in and there were almost burn tracks behind her ! helping a friend at the mo clear her mums bungalow who died of dementia and yes we are finding wads of cash hidden all over the place. Squirrelling money away seems like a normal occupation fo people with dementia. xx

 

[Jools62]

Just had a read through this thread, you have my total sympathy

The amount of items, money, jewellery etc... that has been lost stolen are amazing.

Accusations galore

Bank books in tea caddy, remote controls under bed, purse in freezer.... the list goes on

I used to worry, and think mum may be having money taken, but no, she , we suspect has either hid it or given it away .

Regarding money now, each week mum has maybe 4 £5 notes in her purse, it's to pay for hairdresser and little bits she spends at sheltered housing complex she lives in ie quiz raffle tickets etc...
It probably sounds awful and mean been so controlling over mums money but it has become the only way.

I hate this dementia journey.

Hi
I totally understand what you say about the money, my Mum lives on her own, in her own home, all the bills are paid online, she has a Gardner every 2 weeks a chiropodist and hairdresser. My daughter and I work together to try and deal with the money side of things, every time she has money she hides it, then moans she has no money, I won’t give her money, she has money, etc etc etc we have had to stop her going to the bank as she was withdrawing large sums of money which was never to be seen again. That then made the money that is allotted to pay for her care in the red.