Hi.. First time I have written anything in this section as i only lost my mom just over a week ago. Feels like forever-a-go though. I dont know how I should be feeling to be honest with you. I know my mom isnt here anymore, I have seen her dead, but its as though she has gone away for a while and will be coming back home soon?? I am doing everything that we have to do at this time but it feels like I am doing these things for someone else and not for us, its so strange. My tears keep coming in 'bouts'..I can be fine for a few hours or even a day or so, and then for no reason at all I cant control the crying. It lasts a few minutes or sometimes only seconds, and then it stops, and I'm ok again until the next time. I'm also frightened..dont ask me frightened of what, cos I cant answer that, I dont know why or what I am frightened of..stupid isnt it, I cant go upstairs on my own, I cannot go to bed on my own, or the bathroom upstairs on my own, and I dont know why. I know my mom wouldnt hurt me, so I dont know why I feel this way. We still have the funeral to have to go through yet, which is this Thursday. My family have finally managed to get over from Australia for moms funeral, well one member has made it, the other one cannot get a flight until middle of may. So we are doing a webcast so that they can watch it live, which is a terrific idea. But I am absolutely dreading it to be honest. If I laugh I feel guilty if I dont think of my mom for a short while, I feel guilty. I feel so so alone at the moment. Sorry for the rant,,just needed to let off a bit of steam I think.