Is this normal?

[okmurrays]

We moved to Canada in 2007, and in the interim, my Dad, who is in the UK, declined significantly with Alzheimers.

I last saw him when over for a wedding last year and since then the change seems to have been dramatic.

He finally came down with a chest infection last week and died peacefully today. With the eight hour time difference it's only the evening now.

I cried buckets when I got the phone call, but now feel quite calm about it all. Is this normal?

I feel almost relieved for my mum and sister who have coped so well over the past years, struggling to get him the support and care he needed.

My husband thinks I will feel it when I get home. It's the strangest feeling at the moment.

 

[Margarita]

My husband thinks I will feel it when I get home. It's the strangest feeling at the moment.

yes its normal as you could be in shock .


I felt relief when mum pass away, that mum was at peace. now 6 months on I am crying more so because it’s snowing outside it reminds me when I was caring for mum we was snowed in could not get out of the house as day care was closed down .
Sorry to read about your father, grief hit people in different way.
When my father pass away 7 years ago I felt like you also clam, even thought I did cry . seem it’s the clam before the storm. it be normal also if you feel anger the emotion can go all out of balance be all over the place , hit you just when you think your coping fine , like with me today. it crimps up on you slowly. I use to be scared when people say " It hit you later " or " your feel it later on " .

Good thing is that help me is to keep talking about the person remembering the good times . even thought I do , do that it can bring on an anxiety attract when I am over stress with work life in general .

 

[Mameeskye]

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

Anything is normal when you grieve.

Immediately after my Mum died, although feeling sadness, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. But curiously I was calm enough much of the time to cope with everything. Occasionally I would have a fit of tears but then they would pass and I would carry on. It took me a few weeks to start to concentrate and then I had occasional spells of falling down a black hole but these reduced over time, although the first anniversary was tough and my OH was ill as well which exacerbated it.

You may find when you reach home it hits you, you may find a scent, a food, a piece of music acts as a trigger. It is different for all of us...but it is not unusual to feel calm either and a sense of peace. This illness is so horrible as much grieving has already been done and I know that when Mum died I felt at she was whole again and finally at peace.

(((((hugs)))))

Strength and courage for the coming days.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[Margarita]

This illness is so horrible as much grieving has already been done and I know that when Mum died I felt at she was whole again and finally at peace.

This illness is so horrible as much grieving has already been done

your right there I have to remind myself of that . Oh so much crying I done while mum was alive. Now I just miss mum came get myself into a right old guilt trip with thinking back of how I wasted so much energy on it, but we had so many lovely movement together like when it was snowing .

sometimes one can forget the good momenet of the past when so much sadness, sorrow has happen while this illness was happening to them .

There no right way or wrong way to grieve. even thought there is 7 stages of grief.

The 7 stages of grief http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

 

[Skye]

it is not unusual to feel calm either and a sense of peace. This illness is so horrible as much grieving has already been done and I know that when Mum died I felt at she was whole again and finally at peace.

Dear Sharon

Yes, it's perfectly normal. When a person has been ill for a long time, the sense of peace after the death is a natural reaction. With a sudden, unexpected death it's a different matter, of course.

I think your husband is absolutely right. At the moment you are focussing on arranging flights, and later helping with funeral arrangements. You will also have your mum to support.

It's only afterwards, when you get home and there is a sudden void in your life, that it will hit you.

Take care of yourself, and remember we're still here for you.

Love,

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Yes it is absolutely normal it is what we call our auto pilot which takes over when we are in shock. Also your father has been ill and your mother and sister have had a hard times, so you feel relief for them as well as for your father as he is now in peace. You will grieve in your own time, the first time I cried was at my mother's funeral over a week later, but I still feel a calm relief even though I miss her terribly. It may also be different again because you are living in another country, I found that when I lost my dear dad myself, he was in Scandinavia and I only saw him twice a year, so the absence did not feel quite so strong because I was not used to having him around anyway. I hope you understand I mean that in a positive way.
I hope you have a safe journey and will find the strength to support your mother and sister as well as look after yourself. Please take care.

 

[okmurrays]

Thank you for your thoughts. It's a strange time, a limbo period as we can't finalise anything until after the post mortem.
I will keep in touch.
Many thanks, Sharon x

 

[Lynne]

My husband thinks I will feel it when I get home. It's the strangest feeling at the moment.

He's quite possibly right, familiar things may set you off, and you will feel it at random moments too (check-out at T***o's anyone?).
Go with it, you will grieve when you need to, whether a convenient time or not.

I'm now in the 2nd year since my Mum died, still hits me now & then - in fact for the 1st 6 months my primary feeling was relief, I didn't even cry at her funeral.