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Is this normal procedure?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by SueShell, Jan 11, 2015.

  1. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Went to see Mum in CH this morning. They had got her dressed and put her in wheelchair before I arrived, but she wanted to go back to bed. There she was lying in bed talking utter gibberish and saying she wants to die. She seems to have gone downhill rapidly and yet the home is wonderful. I explained to her that its better for her to be out of bed, she can chat to other residents, have her hair done and maybe her appetite will come back. She was having none of it. Must admit she looked absolutely dreadful, and kept saying what's happening to me.

    The senior nurse came in and said when your ready I have some forms to go through with you. I went round to her office. The first thing she said was there is no way your Mum can go home, even though she wants to, she's very poorly. Then we completed the end of life plan for Mum. Is this normal procedure when you first go into a CH, or are things moving along quicker than I imagined? Any comments welcome. Sue.
     
  2. angelface

    angelface Registered User

    Oct 8, 2011
    1,086
    london
    Yes, it was normal procedure to do an end of life plan when my aunt went into care 2 years ago, but it does rather shake you I think.
    If you could arrange to see the CHs GP it may help you understand what is going on.
    The whole thing is so confusing I think, as staff often won't give an opinion as to how ill people really are.
     
  3. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Hi Sue.

    An end of life plan should be a normal procedure. My MIL still has capacity so they tried to involve her, but she was having none of it so my SIL filled in the details instead.

    I'm afraid there comes a time when you just have to do what you know is best and it seems as though your mum is in the right place.
     
  4. Benrese

    Benrese Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    186
    Lancashire
    Hi there,

    Yes, I'm with the others. This was one of the very first things we went through when we were filling in forms and asking questions. I think it's a sign of a good Care Home, as they want to honour all wishes by having things in place well before they are ever needed.

    Cheers,
     
  5. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Yes for me too, Sue. I was a bit shocked and they let me think about it for a bit. My mum was quite muddled when she first went to her care home, it was quote upsetting until she finally settled, so this could well be part of what's happening with your mum.

    How are you feeling in yourself after all the rushing around. I hope you've had some time to relax a little. That takes time to do too xxx
     
  6. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Yes as others have said, it is normal although we were told that as we would have regular 3 monthly reviews or if we wanted to change anything at anytime, we would be able to amend things. If your Mum is still on antibiotics, this may add to her confusion, anxiety etc. It can take some time for them to become settled and sometimes they never properly settle, but be guided by what the staff say, it sounds like a good home to me. Hope you are feeling a bit better in yourself. Xx

    Ange
     
  7. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Glad its normal procedure. Dazman and Ange - seems strange to have so much time on my hands, and I'm enjoying being able to do things to suit myself for a change and already feel heaps better. The worry never goes but I know she's well cared for and my stress levels have dropped already which is good. Hugs to all, Sue xx
     
  8. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    That's really good to hear, Sue, well deserved xxx
     
  9. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,653
    Hampshire
    I agree with Dazmum , glad you are now able to look after you (as you matter!) take care x
     
  10. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,922
    Female
    Chester
    SueShell - just caught up with your posts. So glad you have something sorted and they haven't sent her home again. You deserve some time to yourself now.
     
  11. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    #11 angecmc, Jan 12, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2015
    Good for you Sue, think it all happened for you at just the right time, now is your time to re- energise and recover
    r xx

    Ange
     
  12. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    yes, it's definitely what should happen when a loved one goes into a care home, but there's no easy way to ask these questions.

    I am hoping that both you and your mum start to feel a bit better now she is safe.
     

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