is this normal? oo no!!

[x-lauren-x]

hiya
My uncle has been in his new care home for three days now and i went to visit him there for the first time today. He has sworn at the staff and told them to leave his room and refuses to get out of bed.. is this normal? does anybody have any previous experience of this or any ideas? any advice much apprechiated!! I think me and my mum thought of every possible thing he might not like but we didn't expect him to be rude to the staff! they said it was no problem at all and that lots of people are like it but we cant help feel guilty as it cant be nice for them. He did tell me off for asking him to change as he was still in his pjamas and we thought maybe if eh got changed and went out for a walk around he might feel a bit better- he was less than impressed
He does seem much better in himself, hes gained a little weight and taking all the right medication so we know he is definatly better off there we just thought htis might me the settling in period? i hope so anyway!!

any advice or expereinces very much welcomed!
lots of love
lauren xxxx

 

[BettyL]

Hi Lauren

I think you'll find that this sort of behaviour is quite normal -can be better on some days or worse on others. You'll also find that what we as relatives think as terrible behaviour, the care home staff take it all in their stride. Believe me - they see and deal with much worse.

So try not to worry - I'm having a little chuckle to myself as I write this because only a couple of months ago I was in your shoes with my mum! She still has bad behaviour days - I went in one afternoon and she was the only resident still in her dressing gown, marching round the lounge with the Gideon bible in her hand. All the residents have their moments, bad language, rudeness, sulking, only to revert to sweetness and light a few days later - it's all very normal.

Best Wishes
Betty

 

[Skye]

Hi Lauren

Yes, I think it's perfectly normal! Your uncle is in a strange place, with strange people attending to him, and he's feeling insecure, and a bit grumpy. I think you and I might feel the same!

Please don't feel guilty! No-one is going to blame you or your mum, and the staff are used to it. And don't take it personally that he had a go at you -- he's just hitting out at everyone just now.

Your uncle may well settle down, though he may well continue to have days when he's grumpy. You just have to hope that those days will be in the minority.

I hope your nexat visit will be better.

Love,

 

[sue38]

Hi Lauren,

Try and remember that it is the illness, not your uncle, who is being rude and uncooperative.

As the others have said don't take it personally and don't be embarrassed that he is behaving like this to the staff. I am sure that they are aware it is his illness and are used to much worse.

Good news that in other respects your uncle is doing well

 

[barbara h]

One particular day we went to see my mam in the care home and found her in a very grumpy mood we had seen her being a bit aggresive to us before but never to other people. It was totally out of character for her as she has always been a quiet person who would never complain or say anything wrong to anyone. She was shouting at the carers and being really nasty to them. My sister and i were totally embarassed but the people at the home were lovely and told us not to worry about it as they know it is not her but her illness and that they see it all the time.

barbara h xx

 

[Nebiroth]

Don't worry about the staff. They are trained, they will be used to this and know how to deal with it (and much worse too). Don't forget that it's really much easier to get abuse from someone you're dealing with in a professional capacity, than it is to get it from someone you know and love. Remarks and agression are much more painful when they come from a loved one than they are froma stranger. The staff will simply ignore it. Also, they get breaks away from it, and have the support of each other - which very often family don't.

It is only natural to feel discomforture at seeing your Dad behave this way - you probably cringe inside when you see it happen.

Undoubtedly, the staff will deal with it by simply ignoring it and behaving as though nothing had happened. There's no point in responding to it (and this would be unprofessional). In many ways it like a small child having a tantrum.

 

[vampwillow]

This is perfectly normal,don't worry as the others said about the staff .We're used to it dependant on the client it's either ignored or gently brought up that that behaviour is inappropriate dependant on the persons ability to understand.I've been through worse than being sworn at so don't worry

 

[Clive]

Hi Lauren.

Don’t be concerned about your Uncle’s behaviour. This is the illness talking. Go with the flow and accept what happens as you cannot change it.

A week after mum went into her Care Home I went to visit. I found her having a very boisterous and animated argument with the senior manager in her office. Mum had decided that the Care Home was (in her mind) Safeway’s Supermarket and all the Carers (in their uniforms) were employees. Somehow mum had decided that they were all on low pay, and mum was lecturing the manager, in strong language, that she should be ashamed of herself for employing the poor girls on such low wages, and that the manager was to get it sorted out straight away.

I was quite embarrassed but the manager just accepted it was quite normal for that sort of thing to happen.

Best Wishes

Clive

 

[x-lauren-x]

thank you all very much- i feel so much better knowing this is quite normal behaviour from dementia/alzhiemers sufferers! my uncles a big horse racing fan so im hoping he will give us some advice on a horse to back for the grand national- normally i am the loser out of my family so im hoping for more success this year!! apparently if you count down to the 13th horse that one always finishes in the top three- for anyone whos interested in the race!(Im useless at working out the odds so i think ill take this advice hehe!)
thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Skye]

I'm not a gambler, but every resident in John's home has been allocated a horse for the National. So for the first time I'll be watching with interest. No money involved, the prizes are sweets!

 

[sue38]

Hi Lauren,

Thanks (to your uncle) for the tip. I am off to the National tomorrow, first time I have been to the races, and have no idea about betting. We are in the hospitality suite with a free bar from 11 a.m. so don't be surprised if you see me around 4.15 leaping over Beecher's Brook, holding on to my hat

I was thinking of backing Comply or Die as it reminded me of a friend of a friend who worked at the local magistrates court and was supposed to type that the case was adjourned 'sine die' (Hazel will explain) and instead typed 'sign or die' Then I did a test on a website and it came up with the same horse.

I have 2 no-hopers in the office sweep, one must only have 3 legs judging by its long odds.

 

[Skye]

'sine die' -- literally 'without day', in other words 'case adjourned without a resumption date being fixed.

Correctly pronounced seenay deeay, but one of my exes, who was a high fallutn' lawyer, pronounced it 'sighnee die'. Sue, is this the way the legal profession normally pronounce it, or was it just him?

John's horse is Hi Croy, I've looked it up and it's 100/1!

 

[sue38]

'sine die' -- literally 'without day', in other words 'case adjourned without a resumption date being fixed.

Spot on! (I knew you wouldn't let me down)

I'm afraid your high-fallutn' ex, all lawyers and I pronounce it 'sighnee die'. On the bright? side all latin terms are disappearing from legal parlance (parlance? that must be French? non?)

Long time, I understand, since a French horse won the National. 2 French horses running tomorrow. Worth 50p each way?

 

[x-lauren-x]

Hope you all had fun watching the race! Me and my uncle backed "Comply or Die" chosen by my uncle which me and his carers found very funny in itself!! But he won and what a fantasitc race it was- my uncle was jumping up and down in his chair shouting for comply or die so the whole thing was a brilliant experience for him- he seems to have had a lovely day!
I won the sweep with my family coming first and second (my family was convinced it was a fiddle!!)so it was a very successful day for both of us! my uncle placed a real bet and so is looking forward to collecting his winnings tommorrow!!
Hope you had some success and enjoyed watching the race!
love
lauren xxxxxx

 

[Skye]

Lauren, John's horse was 11th, so no joy here!

Sue, now you've won your millions, I don't expect we'll see you back on TP! Must have missed you leaping Beechers, though!

 

[sue38]

No that was me riding Comply or Die to victory (Timmy Murphy was in fact in the bar for the whole race wearing my hat )I put £5 on it to win, £5 each way on Slim Pickings (4th) and my sister had £5 each way on King John's Castle (2nd), so we won £83 on the National, enough to pay for the taxi and a £10 tip!

Good day and another tick on my Bucket List (thanks Maggie }

 

[Skye]

Not a millionnaire then?

What's a bucket list?

 

[Tina]

Hazel,

a list of things to do before you kick the bucket? Or, Sue, maybe I've missed the point completely, for which, if that's the case, apologies.

It was also the title of a recently released film with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman (which I missed)..about two old fogeys who have been diagnosed with terminal cancer and meet up on a hospital ward; one of them is an upper-class, rich fellow and the other...well, the opposite. Unlikely team hit the road and get up to all sorts before they "kick the bucket".

Love, Tina

 

[Skye]

Sounds good to me, Tina, thanks!