Is this normal in a care home

limafoxtrot

Registered User
Aug 7, 2011
288
0
Uk Expat
If you liked it better on the other side, then push hard to get her back there. Loving thoughts. X Shelagh :)

Thank you

My mum used to refer to her room as 'my house' in her CH. Is it possible that your mum means her room when she wants to go home? Also, it sounds as if your mum is quite mobile, so why does she have to wait for someone to take her back to the lounge from her room??

Yes Mum is mobile but you have to put a code in to get in & out of the wing, even if they could give Mum the code, she wouldn't remember it :(

I don't know if it would help, but I would try talking to the manager about your mum's best interests. Surely they can't insist on a 'one size fits all' policy? They should be catering for individual needs shouldn't they?

Unfortunately it does seem 'one size fits all' policy. They can only move Mum to the other lounge if they have a spare bedroom for that wing upstairs, no rooms are available. When I move back to the UK next month & Mum hasn't been able to get a room at the other home, I will talk again to the manager. Think it could be better face to face.

Lima
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
The mantra of my husband's nursing home is just that, it is his home. As long as they harm no one then they are free to go where they want. There are 3 keypads between them and the outside and each keypad number is different. Even the lift has to have a number keyed in before you press for it to come. The garden and conservatory are beyond two of these keypads but they can go anytime they want and a carer stays with them. Most of the men have 1:1 care so it is never a problem.

They go to bed and get up when they want and are encouraged go shower/bathe when they get up but if they don't want to then it can happen anytime during the day. They can have meals in their room, in the sitting room or dining room and one man who was there when my husband first went into the nursing home had his meal sitting in the corridor. He sat there during the day too. He faced the sitting room but did not want to go in.

It is a small nursing home, just 26 beds split over three floors so perhaps it is easier than most homes to allow this to happen. Doors to bedrooms are closed but not locked and each door has a knocker and a letter box on because it is their front door. You can ask for the rooms to be locked. I don't think anyone's door is locked.

Things do go walkies but they are returned the next day and if not you just have to mention something is missing and within a couple of days it will be tracked down and found. I sometimes go down to the laundry and look for something that is missing. They are happy to help me look.

Everything of my husbands is labelled but on a couple of items of clothing it was not practical to put it where it would show so was kind of hidden a bit. One was a reversible jacket so I sewed the label just inside the pocket flap so understandable that it was not returned. Easy for me to find and the ladies in the laundry are aware of it .

I agree with Beate, they are probably herding them together so it is easier to watch them. Not everyone wants to do the same thing at the same time and it is a little bit of their liberty being taken away. If they are not harming themselves or anyone else and are safe from falling then they should have their freedom.

Maybe take a look at a few homes and see if you can find a home that allows a little more freedom.

Jay
 

limafoxtrot

Registered User
Aug 7, 2011
288
0
Uk Expat
The mantra of my husband's nursing home is just that, it is his home. As long as they harm no one then they are free to go where they want. There are 3 keypads between them and the outside and each keypad number is different. Even the lift has to have a number keyed in before you press for it to come. The garden and conservatory are beyond two of these keypads but they can go anytime they want and a carer stays with them. Most of the men have 1:1 care so it is never a problem.

They go to bed and get up when they want and are encouraged go shower/bathe when they get up but if they don't want to then it can happen anytime during the day. They can have meals in their room, in the sitting room or dining room and one man who was there when my husband first went into the nursing home had his meal sitting in the corridor. He sat there during the day too. He faced the sitting room but did not want to go in.

It is a small nursing home, just 26 beds split over three floors so perhaps it is easier than most homes to allow this to happen. Doors to bedrooms are closed but not locked and each door has a knocker and a letter box on because it is their front door. You can ask for the rooms to be locked. I don't think anyone's door is locked.

Things do go walkies but they are returned the next day and if not you just have to mention something is missing and within a couple of days it will be tracked down and found. I sometimes go down to the laundry and look for something that is missing. They are happy to help me look.

Everything of my husbands is labelled but on a couple of items of clothing it was not practical to put it where it would show so was kind of hidden a bit. One was a reversible jacket so I sewed the label just inside the pocket flap so understandable that it was not returned. Easy for me to find and the ladies in the laundry are aware of it .

I agree with Beate, they are probably herding them together so it is easier to watch them. Not everyone wants to do the same thing at the same time and it is a little bit of their liberty being taken away. If they are not harming themselves or anyone else and are safe from falling then they should have their freedom.

Maybe take a look at a few homes and see if you can find a home that allows a little more freedom.

Jay

Thank you Jay for your kind words. We do have a lovely home that we want Mum to go to, they do not have restrictions on where she can go within the home & can even go out into their beautiful garden, again they are unable to get out of the garden but they do have a code that staff has to put in to go outside of the building, so I know Mum will be safe. It even has a bar :rolleyes:

Lima
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
Well at least I know now what to look out for in a care home! Hadn't even thought about that before.
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,667
0
Hi Limafoxtrot. When I was looking at care homes I felt so desperate to find the right balance between safety and freedom for mum. It was important mum didn't feel 'locked in'. She would hate that. She's still mobile and loves walking, she likes to chat but likes her privacy. So hard to fit every bill.

I went to a huge, beautiful purpose built care home but one thing that put me off was when I was being shown around she opened a door to a store room and there was a lady sat in there totally (and embarrassingly) unbeknown to the carers :eek:

I guess it's difficult to keep an eye on everyone.

To cut a very long story short the home where mum lives now is a house on three floors. Very homely. It isn't a dementia care home, it is for elderly ladies, though many of them clearly are in differing stages of dementia. It has a very open feel and the ladies can come and go around the house. Some like to stay in their rooms all day, some like sitting in the lounge. My mum likes sitting at the window and looking outside. Another thing I like is that the door to the garden is always open so they can go outside whenever they like. Can your mum go outside?

This freedom comes at a price though because even though I know the carers keep an eye on things there have been falls, etc. My mum can't always remember which is her room and will wander into other people's rooms. She gets upset when people wander into her room. Belongings never stay in one place.

There is also a lady who always sits I the hall, no matter where else she can go.

So difficult but I would say go with your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't right X
 

limafoxtrot

Registered User
Aug 7, 2011
288
0
Uk Expat
Hi Limafoxtrot. When I was looking at care homes I felt so desperate to find the right balance between safety and freedom for mum. It was important mum didn't feel 'locked in'. She would hate that. She's still mobile and loves walking, she likes to chat but likes her privacy. So hard to fit every bill.

I went to a huge, beautiful purpose built care home but one thing that put me off was when I was being shown around she opened a door to a store room and there was a lady sat in there totally (and embarrassingly) unbeknown to the carers :eek:

I guess it's difficult to keep an eye on everyone.

To cut a very long story short the home where mum lives now is a house on three floors. Very homely. It isn't a dementia care home, it is for elderly ladies, though many of them clearly are in differing stages of dementia. It has a very open feel and the ladies can come and go around the house. Some like to stay in their rooms all day, some like sitting in the lounge. My mum likes sitting at the window and looking outside. Another thing I like is that the door to the garden is always open so they can go outside whenever they like. Can your mum go outside?

This freedom comes at a price though because even though I know the carers keep an eye on things there have been falls, etc. My mum can't always remember which is her room and will wander into other people's rooms. She gets upset when people wander into her room. Belongings never stay in one place.

There is also a lady who always sits I the hall, no matter where else she can go.

So difficult but I would say go with your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't right X

I know it's difficult to try & find the right balance and I blame myself for not looking more closely regarding the code entry. Well I did notice it & though how safe it would be for Mum but it never entered my mind about her not being able to gonto her room when she wanted, or being able to have a walk around the home.

They do have access to a patio area when it's good weather but I'm not sure if they have access from the wing to the main garden area, I'll have to look I that.

It's good you found your Mum a lovely place, it makes all the difference.
Thank you.

Lima x
 

Dazmum

Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
10,322
0
Horsham, West Sussex
I can see both sides of this really. When my mum was first in her care home (EMI wing) all the bedrooms were locked, and I thought this was awful, as I thought mum would like to sit in her comfy room and watch TV or read and have some peace and quiet when she wanted. It was the policy of the home to do this, as some of the residents would regularly pack their things, and everyone else's around the doors and it took a lot of work to put everyone's things back in the right places. I could see this point of view too but was still not so keen.

Since the last CQC inspection, all the bedroom doors are now unlocked (this is a distinct wing, with ensuite bedroom and the main lounge all together with a code to exit it) Many of the residents, mostly the gentlemen, do now use their rooms, for having a snooze usually, or just sitting, which is great.

My mum doesn't like to stay in hers on her own though, even though she doesn't like the noise in the lounge, she can't accept that she is allowed to stay in her room if she wants to. People do go in and out of each other's rooms and things do go missing (mum has now lost 11 pairs of glasses over two years :eek:) but they often turn up again. The drawers do get rummaged through, but on the whole it isn't a problem. The security on the door is an absolute must though, in my view as when it was accidentally disabled one day, my mum was off out looking to go 'home'. So I would much rather have her safe. For this reason I certainly don't look on it as 'prison'.
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,667
0
I know it's difficult to try & find the right balance and I blame myself for not looking more closely regarding the code entry. Well I did notice it & though how safe it would be for Mum but it never entered my mind about her not being able to gonto her room when she wanted, or being able to have a walk around the home.

They do have access to a patio area when it's good weather but I'm not sure if they have access from the wing to the main garden area, I'll have to look I that.

It's good you found your Mum a lovely place, it makes all the difference.
Thank you.

Lima x

Don't blame yourself at all, it's all trial and error. I had no idea what I was doing when I was looking around! I was so worried about making a mistake. Some had lots of freedom but the residents looked miserable.

I'm trying to think of advice by putting myself in your place. One thing I notice about mum is how calm she is these days. I can't say she is completely happy, she still complains at times but I know a lot of this is her dementia. I sometimes think she wouldn't be truly happy anywhere.

Do you think your mum would go to her room if she could? I don't think my mum ever does. If your mum had more freedom do you think she would be happier? If so then you are doing the right thing considering another place.

X
 

limafoxtrot

Registered User
Aug 7, 2011
288
0
Uk Expat
Since the last CQC inspection, all the bedroom doors are now unlocked (this is a distinct wing, with ensuite bedroom and the main lounge all together with a code to exit it) Many of the residents, mostly the gentlemen, do now use their rooms, for having a snooze usually, or just sitting, which is great.

I can certainly understand & accept that you have a code to exit a wing when bedrooms & lounge is altogether but on one floor you have the lounge & dining room with a code to get in & out, then you have to go up some stairs or lift, down a corridor & again another code to get in & out.

People do go in and out of each other's rooms and things do go missing (mum has now lost 11 pairs of glasses over two years :eek:) but they often turn up again.

Wow, that is a lot of glasses! Glad to hear they turn up :)

The security on the door is an absolute must though, in my view as when it was accidentally disabled one day, my mum was off out looking to go 'home'. So I would much rather have her safe. For this reason I certainly don't look on it as 'prison'.

I couldn't agree more. We were given the code so we didn't have to buzz to get into the home but that was stopped (quite rightly so) & only staff now are allowed to let anyone in or out of the home.

Lima
 

limafoxtrot

Registered User
Aug 7, 2011
288
0
Uk Expat
Don't blame yourself at all, it's all trial and error. I had no idea what I was doing when I was looking around! I was so worried about making a mistake. Some had lots of freedom but the residents looked miserable.

I'm trying to think of advice by putting myself in your place. One thing I notice about mum is how calm she is these days. I can't say she is completely happy, she still complains at times but I know a lot of this is her dementia. I sometimes think she wouldn't be truly happy anywhere.

Do you think your mum would go to her room if she could? I don't think my mum ever does. If your mum had more freedom do you think she would be happier? If so then you are doing the right thing considering another place.

X

I know I shouldn't blame myself but it's so daunting, especially when you're having to make a decision for someone you love.

Actually, I'm not really sure if she would go to her room but she did used to like watching the TV when she was at home but I do think it would be better if she had a choice.
Again, no I'm not sure if Mum would be happier if she has more freedom but what an awful existence for someone who is otherwise quite fit apart from Alzhiemers or dementia to be sat in the same lounge from breakfast time until she goes to bed.

Thank you all for your suggestions, it's very much appreciated.

Lima x
 

DazeInOurLives

Registered User
Dec 10, 2009
107
0
East Midlands,UK
twitter.com
Plenty homes allow free movement around and some include free access into secure grounds too. If the situation matters to your Mum then I'd recommend looking around at other places where this is allowable. It's just not ok to deprive people of that degree of freedom or access to their own personal space. There are plenty of ways to open up space within the physical perimeters of a home.

It can be an issue with other residents wandering into other people's rooms. Some will allow a resident a key if they can manage it. Roll on technology which only allows one's own bedroom door to open for the owner of that room, or the staff.

:)

sfy.co/dgwI
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,667
0
I know I shouldn't blame myself but it's so daunting, especially when you're having to make a decision for someone you love.

Actually, I'm not really sure if she would go to her room but she did used to like watching the TV when she was at home but I do think it would be better if she had a choice.
Again, no I'm not sure if Mum would be happier if she has more freedom but what an awful existence for someone who is otherwise quite fit apart from Alzhiemers or dementia to be sat in the same lounge from breakfast time until she goes to bed.

Thank you all for your suggestions, it's very much appreciated.

Lima x

I would hate to only be allowed in one room all day to be honest. I know my mum's dementia world is very different to mine but I certainly know my pre-dementia mum would hate it too. She always liked to be able to get around and do her own thing so I completely know where you are coming from.

In one way I guess keeping people together is the care home's way of keeping them safe so I do understand the reasons but everyone is individual, dementia or not.

X
 

Dazmum

Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
10,322
0
Horsham, West Sussex
I agree AG. My mum doe have the opportunity to go to activities in the other parts of the home, and the gardens, but I'm told that sometimes she chooses not to. I think she feels safe where she is and where she knows everyone. She enjoys going on the weekly outing too. I am still asking for a 'quiet area' that I know many care homes have, so that some of the residents can site quietly together rather than in the big lounge where it can get a bit lively from time to time.
 

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